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It has been a wild few days for freelance photographer Nichole Torpea. The 22-year-old UMSL grad was shooting the My Chemical Romance concert at the Pageant for Riverfront Times this past Saturday night when, she says, she was assaulted by a member of the band's security team.

But she'll be shooting an MCR concert again this Friday at New York City's Madison Square Garden -- as a special guest of the band.

While taking pictures from the balcony of the Pageant during last Saturday's sold-out show, Torpea says, she was approached by a man she believes is a member of MCR's security team. The man, whom she later described to St. Louis police as six-foot-three, 210 to 230 pounds and dressed all in black, grabbed her arm, led her through a door to a stairwell and forced her to the ground. Torpea says the man paid little attention to the photo pass attached to her shirt.

"I was collapsing under his pressure," she says. "I had no idea what was going on. He had no ID and wouldn't tell me who he was. He kept saying, 'You know what you did. Give me the fucking camera.'"

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I don't think this press release needs any comment.

COACHELLA organizers are offering $10,000 and four (4) festival tickets for life in exchange for the safe return of the two-story inflatable pig that broke loose during Roger Waters’ set on the final night (Sunday, April 27) of the 2008 COACHELLA VALLEY MUSIC & ARTS FESTIVAL. The pig escaped and floated into the desert sky just prior to the intermission between Roger Waters’ back-to-back sets--marking the only back-to-back COACHELLA sets by one artist in the critically acclaimed festival’s history.

Anyone with information on the lost pig, should email lostpig@coachella.com.

Oh wait, this totally needs a comment.

PIGS

IN

SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!

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This Craigslist posting was passed along to me by a friend -- so, any guesses as to who this is?

Headline: Band needs hot groupies for inspiration (South city)
Body:
Hi, we're a killer band, but are sometimes uninspired to play. We've found something out about ourselves. We need chicks at our practices, so we have someone to play for. So, if you're a lady and like kick ass music played by good looking guys. Hit me back and I'll give you directions to our next practice. Guarantee ya you won't regret it.

Thanks to this LiveJournal post, I was inspired to visit the blog of uber-trivia champion Ken Jennings, who won 74 games of Jeopardy in a row.

You see, Jennings isn't always right: On this particular blog post, Jennings talks about the best bands from each state in the union. Problem is, he gets Missouri wrong:

Jars of Clay?!? (Urg, again. See disclaimer above, again.) Boy, Missouri, for a state with an unrivaled blues/jazz history, you sure haven’t done much for me lately. Edited to add: If duos are okay, Ike & Tina Turner have been mooted as a much better replacement here.

Jars of Clay, of course, formed in Greenville, Illinois.

Ike & Tina is better, but man, Jennings is missing out on a ton of folks. His only qualification is that bands formed in the state; they didn't necessarily have to become famous for living there.

Still, I can think of one right off the bat: Chuck Berry. Come on, Ken. I expected better!

-- Annie Zaleski

Mansinthe -- Marilyn Manson's brand of absinthe -- just won a gold medal at the 2008 San Francisco World Spirits Competition, according to a press release I just received. Here's the drink's Web site, although it's printed entirely in German, so I can't read it.

But lo! Babelfish's translation equates to this:

2 years after the first idea in August 2007 the official Marilyn Manson Absinthe ' Mansinthe ' is published. Manufactured in Switzerland this Absinthe promises to become a true bitebite bites! Distilled from fine herbs, naturally without artificial coloring materials colored and does not vorgezuckert, this Absinthe should inspire also the fastidious Absintheur and Marilyn Manson fan - the Protagonist loves him and considerably in the product development participated.

Um, okay.

-- Annie Zaleski

My colleague Jason Harper at the Pitch is dismayed that the new George Michael two-CD hits collection TwentyFive (which we both received in the mail today) does not contain "I Want Your Sex."

I'll see his upset and raise him one more: Where is "Monkey"? SERIOUSLY. Why can't you set that monkey free, George, and include him on this hits CD? Whyyyyy?

It's also worth noting that the set is divided up thusly: Disc one is "For Living" and disc two is "For Loving." Which means that "Last Christmas" and -- tee hee -- "Father Figure" appear on the latter; "Too Funky" and "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" are on the former.

(Full tracklist at Jason's blog. I'm currently rocking "Fastlove" in my office here.)

UPDATE: MONKEYS RIDING TINY MOTORCYCLES.

-- Annie Zaleski

look, it’s stupid with his Voivod bass. everybody look at stupid.
-- from Totally Bored the Musical, Ryan Adams' new Tumblr

Ryan Adams is blogging. It's entertaining as all get out. Like this post.

1. Why do people say I dated Alanis Morrisette. I mean, she kicks ass, but the A-Team also kicked ass and I did not date them. I mean, woah. Also, she climbs mountains and does extreme sports or something. I mean, I think for most of my twenties my hobbies included “recovering” and “manic-writing while trying to come undone from hotel ceilings” or something. Still, kick ass, still, bear no understand so much words in song. so much words.

2. Dark Matter. Dark Matter is bullshit. Create a model of the universe that has a fixed gravitational outer force on it, use the “unexplainable extra weight” of the “known” universe as a guide, or a control if it is a mathematical model, to figure out the “unknown mass” and boundary exerting force on the known universe. easy as pie.

3. 5th Avenue Candy Bar Cake at Carnegie Deli…how is that legal. srsly

Those wacky kids over at the Lollapalooza message board -- which I was skulking around looking for info on other headliners besides Nine Inch Nails and Radiohead, omg -- set up a poll that asks the question: "Who's the better dancer, Beatle Bob or Thom Yorke?"

Right now BB's winning, 13 votes to 10 votes. I imagine loyal A to Z readers might go there and have some, er, opinions. Especially after this Associated Press article about BB which came out this week.

Video of Thom Yorke dancing, courtesy of the message board link. I don't think any of us need any video of what Beatle Bob looks like dancing.

In other Radiohead/Lollapalooza news: Early-bird tickets go on sale for Lolla on March 25, and a commenter on that BrooklynVegan post I link above claims that Jarvis Cocker will be opening Radiohead's May tour. That's strictly a rumor, but oh man, I just might die of happiness if that's true.

-- Annie Zaleski

I don't care if this isn't music-related. This really is all that's going on today.

MP3: Nine Inch Nails vs.Ray Parker, Jr. "The Ghost that Feeds" (thanks to this blogpost)

Seriously. After hinting around at something big for weeks at NIN.com, at 7:47 p.m. STL time on Sunday, Trent Reznor released a new instrumental collection called Ghosts I-IV.

Info is here. Says Reznor:

Nine Inch Nails presents Ghosts I - IV, a brand new 36-track instrumental collection available right now. Almost two hours of new music composed and recorded over an intense ten week period last fall, Ghosts I - IV sprawls Nine Inch Nails across a variety of new terrain.

Trent Reznor explains, "I've been considering and wanting to make this kind of record for years, but by its very nature it wouldn't have made sense until this point. This collection of music is the result of working from a very visual perspective - dressing imagined locations and scenarios with sound and texture; a soundtrack for daydreams. I'm very pleased with the result and the ability to present it directly to you without interference. I hope you enjoy the first four volumes of Ghosts."

The pricing plan puts Radiohead to shame.

*You can get the the first nine tracks free.
*You can get the entire CD to download -- in several formats (MP3, FLAC, etc.) for the discerning audiophile -- for $5
*You can get a 2xCD in lavish packaging for $10.
*There's 2xCD/DVD set for $75 -- which includes "1 data DVD with all 36 tracks in multi-track format, and a Blu-ray disc with Ghosts I-IV in high-definition 96/24 stereo and accompanying slideshow"
*AND the piece de resistance: The option just above, PLUS 180-gram vinyl hand-signed by Trent himself for $300.

I'm going to go order the $10 version, and thank the journalism gods for making the current story I'm working on that much more timely.

[Edit, 1:20 a.m. store.nin.com is completely overloaded and I can't order. Boo.]

[Edit, 1:23 a.m. The FAQ also says this: "The same 2xCD you can purchase here and a $39 4x vinyl edition (on 130 gram vinyl in a double gatefold package) will be available at retail in North America (April 8), Australia (April 5), the UK (April 8), Japan (April 5), and most European territories (April 8)."]

[Edit, 1:25 a.m. You can also order the download from Amazon.com's webstore and sample tracks.]

[Edit, 2:12 a.m. Oh, look. Trent uploaded the first volume for free on torrent sites too -- the method by which people usually download pirated movies, music, TV shows and other media. Says this link: "In the release notes the band writes: “Now that we’re no longer constrained by a record label, we’ve decided to personally upload Ghosts I, the first of the four volumes, to various torrent sites, because we believe BitTorrent is a revolutionary digital distribution method, and we believe in finding ways to utilize new technologies instead of fighting them.” Oh, man. Middle finger to the music industry.

Also, that link notes that Ghosts is released under a "non-commercial Creative Commons license and can be shared freely." A link on nin.com notes that this means remixes are also 100% legal, as long as they're not made for profit. The commenter who wrote "Epic Win = Trent Reznor!" is dead on.]

-- Annie Zaleski

Perez Hilton reports that Paris Hilton was with alleged new beau Benji Madden of Good Charlotte for a "romantic getaway" to St. Louis last weekend. Pictures at the link.

I was supposed to check out her night at Home Nightclub extravaganza, but again, the flu. Bah.

Good Charlotte, "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous." Isn't this song somewhat ironic now?

-- Annie Zaleski

Ian found this; I can take no credit. (I'm assuming he has a Google news alert for "turkey" or something.) However, I really have no words for this here. Eurovision is the infamous songwriting contest in Europe that's spawned winners such as ABBA, Celine Dion and hard-rock hosannah-slingin' metal band Lordi.

And this year it's spawned a turkey puppet named Dustin, who's singing a song called "Irelande Douze Pointe." Off-key. (He sort of sounds like Carol Channing, actually.) And did I mention that the turkey puppet appears to be gay? In a Liberace sort of way. And that the song is totally trashy Eurodisco, ca. turn of the century Aqua. With lyrics like:

Shake your feathers and pop your beak Shake em to the west and to the east Wave euro hands and euro feet Wiggle to the edge of the turkey beat

It's also Ireland's entry into the contest this year. But it gets better: In this Reuters story, Sir Bob Geldof -- you know, the one who was knighted for his charity work, founding Live Aid and Band Aid -- weighs in:

Irish rock star Bob Geldof, who has released a duet with Dustin, denied he was unfit to represent the country just because he is a turkey.

"The mere fact of his being a turkey should give Ireland the edge," Geldof told the Irish Times.

Game, set, match. So awful it's boomeranged back around to awesome.

Here's Dustin the Turkey's performance:

-- Annie Zaleski

From my Cleveland correspondent D.X. Ferris comes word that actor Sean Penn and Congressman Dennis Kucinich (whose district includes C-Town) were found bro'ing down at a show by the metal band Ringworm at the city's Beachland Ballroom the other night. (BIG UPS, OHIO.) Quoth the blog entry:

The club was hosting a benefit for John Carroll University radio statio WJCU 88.7 FM. [EDITOR'S NOTE: It's a fantastic station.] Kucinich saw a mention of the show in a local paper and thought he'd check it out -- and take Penn with him. The two men, along with an entourage of about a dozen, appeared with no advance warning at about 10:15. They paid full admission, although don't be surprised if it shows up as an expense in Kucinich's campaign-finance reports, in between some falafel and a new carrying case for his ego.

Penn and Kucinich took the stage at 10:30, just before headliner Ringworm, a Cleveland-based group with international cult following.

"I came out to support WJCU and college radio," Kucinich told the concert's promoter-host, Bill Peters, just before speaking. "College radio is a great asset for this town."

Greeted by a cheering crowd, the duo spoke briefly to the crowd of a few hundred surprised metalheads, then introduced the band, who launched into "The Sickness" from 2001's Birth Is Pain LP. Kucinich handled most of the band's introduction.

Ferris says the show will be broadcast on March 1 at YeboTV.com, starting at 7 a.m.

This begs the question: What would Mr. Hand think?

ASIDE: Does your Congressman have a link on his official site to every bowling alley in his district, places to go buy kielbasa AND Cleveland's polka heritage? I thought not.

-- Annie Zaleski

Via Pitchfork (and tipster Jaime).

Onetime Ramones drummer Marky Ramone has teamed with safe sex education company Ready Two Go to unveil a series of "safer sex kits" to help promote the "cool, hip" (and, of course, disease-free) way to make your blitzkrieg bop and your gabba gabba hey. What do you get with each kit, you hesitantly inquire? Why, a couple jimmy hats, some lube, and an STD resource card, packed in a discreet Marky Ramone-themed tin with the motto "Too Tuff to Break" emblazoned on top. Available in black or silver! And, as Ready Two Go reminds us, the tins are easily refillable with "coins, pills, cigarettes, stash, mints, gum."

Added bonus: Every 1,000th customer wins a free pair of Marky Ramone signature drum sticks! And 10% of net proceeds go to CitiWide Harm Reduction.

I interviewed Marky Ramone (nee: Marc Bell) once, and he was super rad. So this doesn't surprise me. And it's awesome.

Let's get the Ramones-sex puns going. Here, I'll start with the obvious one: "I just wanna have something to do." The subject of this blogpost is my other contribution.

-- Annie Zaleski

I repeat: Coolio -- he of "Fantastic Voyage" and "Gangsta's Paradise" fame -- has a cooking show called (natch) "Cookin with Coolio." Ian posted about it here. The link he provides goes to here -- and that entry states:

Coolio, the rapper known mostly for the song Gangsta's Paradise, wants to "teach yo ass how to cook," and now the self proclaimed Ghetto Gourmet has his own online cooking show. Unsurprisingly, the show features cleavage, swearing, and references to swords, nunchucks, and pistols. The subject of the first show—caprese salad, or as Coolio explains it, "I'm gunna teach you how to make a salad that will get them panties right off."

Watch Episode #1 -- where he makes the aforementioned "Coolio Caprese Salad" right here.

HERE'S THAT LINK AGAIN.

Coolio, "1, 2, 3, 4 (Sumpin' New)":

Also, consider this post the inaugural edition of our new feature: '90s Hip-Hop Jam of the Week.

-- Annie Zaleski