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Public Sex, Wash. U. Style

Categories: News
library.wichita.edu
Heh heh, you said "stacks."

As Unreal scientifically demonstrated last year, Washington University students aren't exactly the comeliest of specimens. But there's someone for everyone, we're told, and apparently unattractiveness is no barrier to public screwing.

At least, that's according to members of the school's janitorial staff , who have recently reported witnessing horizontal hokey pokey inside the school's library and law school .

"The students usually do not have the common sense or the decency to stop when they are confronted and seem to expect the Aramark employees to leave and come back later to do their work," read an e-mail obtained by the Riverfront Times, which was circulated by a law student last week. The student also said in the e-mail that a school dean asked him to alert fellow students to the situation.

Wash. U. police chief Don Strum confirmed the report. "We've not specifically come across the activity, but my understanding is that supervisors were hearing from some employees on their midnight shift about some of those things going on. So we asked our officers to increase our patrols of the area."

Strom describes the alleged sex acts as "consensual," but adds that sexual healing is not permitted in public areas. "It's clearly a violation of our student judicial code," he says, adding that a couple caught in the act would be dealt with within the parameters of the code and would probably not be expelled "unless it was a recurring problem."

The law student, however, warned of further repercussions for law student public-coitus practicioneers. "My advice is, do not have sex at school. My understanding is that, in addition to whatever criminal sanctions are imposed, this will go into your law school record, and that it will be reported to the character and fitness panel of every state or territory that you apply to practice law in. This reporting is not a matter of discretion, and is not contingent on proof of a criminal act. Bar authorities may delay your admission, require remedial activities or exclude you from the practice of law. Necessity is not a defense (even if your power is out at home).

"You have been warned."

-Ben Westhoff

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