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fivedollarcamera.com
"Ballad of the single woman whose pillowcases smell like cat-butt"
"Five Dollar Camera"

Author: Kathy

About the blogger: Kathy lives in south St. Louis and prefers tepid diet soda. As a ten-year-old Catholic schoolgirl, she declared herself an atheist.

Recent Highlight (January 1): Raise your hand if you're having black-eyed peas today. I'm not. I've been doing that for about the last ten years, and it's never brought me good fortune. According to my grandma, it has something to do with eating simply and being thankful for what you have. If eating simply and frugally is the goal, I've already cheated by eating a three-dollar candy bar this morning and a wheat-free waffle. Yeah, how contradictory. I don't even have a wheat allergy, (and I kind of feel like I'm stealing valuable foodstuffs from those that do). By the way, the quasi-healthful waffle negates the fat-laden candy bar. But you knew that, right? It's like diet soda with dessert. Or eating standing up. Food eaten while vertical has no calories.

(January 6): The one in which I say what I really want to say to people in the supermarket:

Move.

Could you please not stand there in the middle of the aisle staring slackjawed at the canned peas?

I've almost fully convinced myself it's okay to repeatedly run over your foot with my cart.

Move.

(In the self check-out lane) Hey you with the white earbuds, you're up next. HEY YOU WITH THE LITTLE WHITE EARBUDS, YOU'RE UP NEXT!

This box of crackers is expired. I don't think March 2005 is coming back, no matter how much you will it. (I really did say this to the stock boy.)

Move.

(In the self check-out lane) Yes, you speak English, touch English. That's cash in your hand, touch cash. No you don't have any coupons. Please do ask an attendant, don't just stand there staring at the computer screen. The attendant is right there, see? She's looking at you, she's waving you over.

Move.

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