Mission Accomplished!

By Tom Finkel in Unreal

Thu., May. 1 2008 @ 5:53PM

As days go, May 1 is one of the more illustrious in our calendar. As May Day, it provides an excuse to go out and gather flowers and sing and dance around maypoles, if you're into that sort of thing. As International Workers Day, it is an occasion for civil disobedience and worker uprising.

Is that a cruise missile in your pants...?

This particular May 1 also marks the fifth anniversary of one of the most infamous speeches of the Bush Presidency. We refer, of course, to Mission Accomplished. Needless to say, May 1, 2003, did not really mark the accomplishment of anything, although in some quarters, there was close examination of the President's, um, package as outlined by his flight suit.

But today, marking this great anniversary in American politics, we begin to reflect that the Bush Administration may have been on to something.

Unreal hereby declares that, henceforth, May 1 shall be known as Mission Accomplished Day, an occasion for all Americans to declare any mission accomplished just by saying so, despite all evidence to the contrary.

Have you done the laundry? Finished your novel? Ended the war?

Come on, say it with us, and raise your banner high:

Mission accomplished!

-Unreal