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Ask a Cougar Nominees, Round 2

Categories: Unreal

Y'all are so hot on this quest for the perfect cougar columnist, that Unreal decided to throw another question the way of the wannabe coug-scribes.

But this time 'round, use your best manners when voting for your favorite, will ya? There looks to be all kinds of ballot-stuffing going on. And to put it nicely, Unreal don't like dat. Read the first question here.

Meantime, if you have a question for a coug, please place it in the comments section of this blog, or email it to unreal@riverfronttimes.com. Don't forget to check the newspaper next week for Pastor Chris' reply to this very same question.

THE QUESTION:

Are older women seeking younger men because the majority of men over fifty have a problem with attaining an erection on their own? And it is work, not pleasure, to reach the final goal -- therefore the easy route of young studs becomes the most desirable of the two?

- Denise Volmert


The COUGAR ANSWERS:

Dear Denise Volmert,

I'll answer your question with a question: "Why do older men seek younger women?" I can tell you it has nothing to do with an erection; we're talking clitoral erections, here. So, by the same token, erectile functionality is not the only reason older women enjoy younger men. The cougar's hunt is a hunt for fresh power, vitality, life, pleasure, prey, and, yes, it is a hunt intended to kill any haunting fears related to the cougar's own mortality. Did I just admit that?

-Crystal Beth (formerly Crystal Bethel)


msvixen.jpg
Dear Ms. Flaccid,

Yes, it's also been my experience that finding a male over 50 to satisfy sexually tuned-in, over-40, new-age women can be a challenge. Most women I have conversed with on this subject have experienced this same problem. Younger men have the ability to sustain an erection, which enables them to play music indefinitely, hitting all the right notes. Men reach their sexual peak between the ages of 18 and 28. Women peak sexually between ages 40 and 55. The way I see it, God put younger men on this earth to keep us cougars singing all night long! Let's give the Lions a little credit! We should not criticize them for the hand they have been dealt. Yes, it takes more effort on BOTH our parts to reach nirvana. The cubs are able to arouse you with several rounds and climax often. Unfortunately many older men do not have the stamina to achieve multiple orgasms. With that being said, if your partner is over 50 and desires to keep it up like a stud cub and make you ROAR like a cougar, then play a new medley. May I suggest you put on something sexy, sprinkle the blue magic pill on BOTH your dinners, and let him have you for dessert! If this, Ms. Flaccid, is too much work, then it's time to go cub hunting!!

- Ms.Vixen


Did I miss a memo? I haven't seen any definitive statistics indicating that the majority of men over 50 have a tough time getting the party started but I'll take your question at face value. My opinion is that older women are enjoying the pleasures of younger men in part because ''it's like Everest—they're there,'' but also because available men in our age group who are interested in us can be scarce.

Then, there are women like me who, at first glance, don't find men with gray hair all that attractive. That being said, I have an exception—if Pierce Brosnan or Chris Noth knock at my door ready for a full-tilt, raging, Aussie-rules bang-a-ram-a-thon…I'm in.

As for the work involved to ''reach the final goal,'' my experience has been that young guys can have a much longer hang-time than older men, and they tend to be more interested in sexual acrobatics, which by definition involves more effort.

But what's a little work when I can have playtime with a delicious hunk? I just write it into my exercise journal as ''extra cardio.''

- Vixenne


helen-toast.jpg
Dear Denise,

In these enlightened times of Viagra, attaining and maintaining an erection is no longer the dilemma it once was for older men. I have also experienced the unfortunate reality that a young stud's rock-hard body does not always guarantee that all body parts will follow suit. Therefore, it's not necessarily the easier route, but I would prefer to reach my final ''destination'' driving a sleek sports car rather than a four-door sedan.

- Helen Toast


Sage-Feline.jpg
Dear Denise,
How much work is it to tell poppa to pop a pill, really? Naah. A cougar is confident, decisive – she knows what she wants. When it comes to sex, she comes first (with or without his erection). She hunts for suitors who enjoy pleasing women – young cubs with stamina – and avoids those who whip it in, whip it out and wipe it off.

Thanx for asking,
- Sage Feline


cherry-cougar.jpg
Hello, Denise. Thanks for your question regarding wieners and such. I typically find myself motivated by things not nearly as shallow as stamina. I'm a size queen -- no tiny cocktail wieners for me, thanks. However, I speak only for myself, simply because all Cougars are *not* connected by some Borg-like, collective thought-matrix. But I will say that resistance IS futile ;-)

Regarding erections, I have no idea why you are leaving Viagra out of the mix. I'm sure that most 50+ men have a bottle in their medicine cabinet, so attaining an erection is no-problemo, generally speaking.

I tend to gravitate towards creative, open-minded, artistic, well-read, articulate, hilarious, laid-back dudes, most of whom *happen* to be younger. There are some older guys who meet my criteria, but they are few and far between. A great deal of the older men that I've come into contact with are bitter, pompous, self-absorbed, humorless boobs who take themselves WAAAAAY too seriously. Repulsive, IMO.

I think that most Cougars would agree with me here: Since we choose to conduct ourselves in such a SHAMEFUL, SHOCKING MANNER, we are women who DEFINITELY think outside the box. So naturally, we are going to be drawn to guys who are unconventional, creative, etc. Most guys who have these traits tend to be younger. It has much more to do with mind-set than johnsons -- surprise!

Keepin' it real,
-Cherry Cougar


teri1.jpg
Erectile dysfunction is not as common as drug companies want men to believe; they have an expensive drug to sell. However, most healthy men have sex well into their golden years without artificial or pharmaceutical assistance. A cougar's love for younger men is much more attributable to their ATTITUDE, not because they might be little quicker and easier to arouse. They grew up viewing their mothers as strong, accomplished women instead of shrinking violets, and their ideal isn't June Cleaver. Younger men view women as equals not subordinates, and age is a number to them, not part of the sexual equation. They aren't threatened by a woman that brings a sex toy (or a girlfriend) into bed, because they view it as another dimension in sexual adventure rather than an insult to their masculinity and respond with enthusiastic participation, learn from it and apply the knowledge to the next erotic experience. It's a learning experience when their partner teaches them what she likes and how she likes it–and show him what you like! The rules and regulations of courtship, dating and sex are a guide and not set in stone. Cougars are in their sexual prime with the drive of a teenage male, and learning how to be a better lover from a older, more experienced partner adds to the encounter for younger men–you're only as good as your partner! Life's a banquet – arrive hungry, taste everything (or everybody) and go back for what best satisfies your appetites!

-Teri Davis Newman


While erections are important to a relationship, older women don't seek younger men for that reason alone. In fact, there are a lot of young men who experience erectile dysfunction. Relationships with younger men can be liberating and are a great break from older men who are either looking for younger women themselves; a housemaid, a step-monster for their kiddies or are jaded from previous relationships gone bad.

With younger men, you can throw caution to the wind and just get sexy. They have no expectations, little baggage, and they love the experience that older women bring to the table. They cherish these moments and will do anything to learn and please. And, they are willing to take foreplay to the next level. You just tell them what you want and they are ready and willing. Face it; really good foreplay can make you forget all about a little problem like erectile dysfunction ;-)

- Hippolyta



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