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Twitter, Schmitter -- Tony La Russa Sues Unreal!

Unreal has spent all of June breathlessly tracking the Tony La Russa v. Twitter brouhaha. OK, so we've actually just quickly spent the past few minutes skimming our columnist colleague Bill Streeter's two dispatches about the lawsuit, and also the one by Kristen Hinman. And even though those two are way more plugged in than your Luddite correspondent here, trust us, we're totally up to speed on this complex legal matter.

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So we knew it was only a matter of time until Tony L sued Riverfront Times!

Well, okay, so he hasn't actually sued us yet. But it really is only a matter of time.

At least we're pretty sure it is.

We mean, Twitter wasn't even invented when this paper published "La Russa Palooza," an entirely fabricated (by then staff writer Randall Roberts, now of LA Weekly) rock-fan tour diary that imagined La Russa's totally factual five-show bender -- a.k.a. "Five Nights in November" through California through the prism of an also entirely fabricated "private rock blog," "Card Carrying Rocker."

Quoth Roberts (in Tony L.'s guise):

Jethro Tull, Friday, November 11, Oakland, California, Paramount Theatre. Is there a more beautiful picture in all of rock & roll than flutist Ian Anderson, posing in a one-legged, foot-on-calf stand while tearing it up on the flute? The flute: In most hands, it's a utility instrument. In Anderson's hands, it's a mighty piece of steel. Know what it is? Foot position. Without a sturdy center, he's falling straight over. Fingers can't fly if he's unbalanced. Before Jimmy Page takes the violin bow to the Les Paul, he better have a consistent stance.
While we wait to be served with court papers, you might want to read the other ersatz Cali tour entries, which, in addition to Tull, covered shows by Paul McCartney, U2, the Moody Blues and Def Leppard/Bryan Adams. You can find the whole thing by clicking this link to the "La Russa Palooza" story on RFT's website.

Better yet, see those and more at the blog we totally fabricated, which remains parked but dormant at http://cardcarryingrocker.blogspot.com.

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There you can read other pseudo-La Russa music meanderings (some of which sprouted from the pen of your humble scribe Unreal!) concerning topics as diverse as the Rolling Stones, Neil Diamond, Bob Dylan/Elvis Costello, Lucinda Williams and, yes, even Unreal's fave, the incomparable Bob Schneider -- all of whose performances Tony would have loved, if he'd ever actually gone to see them.


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