Worthless Crap and Notorious Scams We'd Invest in Before Buying Ballpark Village Bonds

stlouis.cardinals.mlb.com

Renderings of the elusive Ballpark Village

Radio station KMOX is reporting that the St. Louis Cardinals plan to solicit wealthy St. Louisans to buy bonds to help pay for Ballpark Village.

According to the radio station, the ball club hopes the bonds will raise at least $100 million.

What's emerging is a plan to woo well-heeled Cardinals fans with a chance to help the team and possibly make some money in the long run.

"We need to get creative in terms of the demand for these types of bonds," says Cardinals President Bill DeWitt III. "And if it means getting friends and family or whoever else -- and I mean that in a broad sense -- interested in these, that may help our chances."

Now we here at Riverfront Times are not opposed to risky investments. Hell, we once invested a $100 in a glue-factory racehorse that never returned a dime.

Still, we'd wisely take our chances at the racetrack any day than gamble on the much-delayed, much-ridiculed Ballpark Village. In fact, here's a list (in no particular order) of worthless crap and notorious scams we'd invest in before coughing up one red cent for Ballpark Village.

1. Florida Swamp Land

2. Bernie Madoff's Investment Fund Pyramid Scheme

3. The Brooklyn Bridge


4. Confederate Greenbacks


5. Chrysler
Got a few can't-miss investment ideas of your own better than Ballpark Village? Leave 'em in the Comments thread below.

P.S. Try as we might we couldn't find an image of a two-dollar whore to include in this list. That is, no image that we could share on a family-friendly blog such as Daily RFT.