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A Year of Masturbating Clowns, Stalkers and Rat-tails: Best Missed Connections 2009

Thumbnail image for clown bus.jpg
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ultimateslug/ / CC BY-SA 2.0
And so a year has passed in that pageant of desperation, creepiness and accidental humor that we call craigslist Missed Connections.

Much was gleaned in 2009! We learned that our fellow St. Louisans are capable of grave crimes against grammar and coherence. We discovered that stalkers are just as charming online as in person. And it became as clear as organic lube that the downtown YMCA and Larry Flynt's Hustler Club both host an eyebrow-raising number of anonymous gay trysts. Who knew? (Answer: apparently a lot of people).

Here, friends, are some highlights (NB: some of the links may no longer be live):


bus scene - 24 - (STL)
You were at the bustop at Southwest and McCausland whacking off in a clown suit. I like your style, let's get together.

Pregnancy test - I know this is weird - w4m - 19 - (Walgreens)
"I saw you in the snack aisle. I'm sure you were checking me out because my shirt was a deep V-neck and I was showing cleavage. I hope I didn't scare you away when you saw the pregnancy test in my shopping cart. Please don't judge me, based on this. It was negative anyway."

the hot hitchhiker on 141 - m4w - 30 - (big bend)
To the hot chick i picked up in the rain friday evening. did you get things worked out with your husband? we had a great time at my house waiting for your friend to come get you. we finished just in time. btw get yourself checked out. i probably gave you herpes... sorry.

Is their any women who would like a missed conection - m4w - 25 - (Florissant)
Hi, well I was thinking today about all the people in St. Louis who check and see if anyone was checking them out today and wanted to get in contact.....well I have decided to see if any women would like to make a missed connection. I am not totally sure how this would work, but I was just curious. I am a 25 white male (attractive)...Ok well I hope to hear from someone...thanks

red-headed male w/ rattail at blueberry hill Fri night - w4m - 23
hey so like im kinda new to this lol but i saw a guy at blue hill on the loop the other night who had a great rattail and reddish hair. [...]not sure if the rattail was real or not but it showed confidence. anyways he was with a friend who also had a rattail but i wasnt into that guy.[...]

New Moon midnight showing - m4w - 27 - (Saint Louis, MO)
I sat behind you at the midnight showing of New Moon the other night. Me: 6 foot, dark hair, long nails, mysterious. You: straight long blond hair, full ruby lips, you were wearing black cargo pants and a twilight hoodie. As your hair draped down behind your sear i just had to hold it and smell it deeply(pantene.great choice). I don't remember much of the money but I will awlays remember the smell and texture of your hair. The way you sound when you whisper and laugh. After the movie I followed you and your friends to Denny's. I waited outside in my car so I could watch you eat and smile. I followed you home and made sure you got there safely. I noticed you left your car unlocked so I went to have a look into your life. I can tell by looking in your car that we have a lot in common. If you want your dash ornaments back you will have to meet me and we can have a great time getting to know each other. "grin"

AND THE BEST POST OF THE YEAR GOES TO:

thank you - 36
"[...]Ask fuddy duddy how he liked it when he discovered a nice pile in the front seat of his car you cheatin bitch. do you like what i did to the bushes of what used to be our home but now it is nothing more than a whore house to me as you are a whore an you live in that house!!! i was careful not to catch the house on fire when i set the bushes on fire. i want you to know that just because i set the bushes on fire an shit on the hood of MY car was (in my opion) no reason to get an order of protection against me. do you realise how embaressed i was when the cops served me the papers at church??[...]"

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