Can Certified Sex Therapist Dr. Darcy Luadzers Find the Safest Safe Word?
Dear Dr. Darcy,Dr. Darcy's response, after the jump...
My girlfriend and I often engage in consensual BSDM activities: slapping, hitting, choking. You know, the usual. Of course, we use a safe word.
Recently, after a couple of glasses of wine, we enjoyed an especially strenuous session. When we were finished, I remarked to her that I was shocked she didn't use the safe word.
Now, she's claiming that she doesn't remember the evening very well -- and she's charging that I beat her up! So my question is this: Is there a smart way to mix booze and safe words? I mean, sometimes a little wine helps loosen the collar, if you know what I mean, but I can't be responsible if she forgets the word or slurs them and says something ridiculous, like, I don't know, "Ween Cartoons," instead of the agreed-upon phrase. Right?
Rough on Demand
Abusers have a very hard time accepting responsibility for their actions. They twist everything around and make it someone else's fault. They have a very hard time saying they are wrong and then saying they are sorry. Not being able to admit fault also makes it very hard to solve any problem, because they don't think they need to change! They are never wrong! Are you ever wrong? Can YOU say you're sorry?
- Virgin Sex for Guys, p. 269