Introducing "Ask Certified Sex Therapist Darcy Luadzers"

Here at Riverfront Times we've accumulated many books over the years. It ain't voluntarily. People send us this shit. And most of it is shit. But every now and then, we find a real gem -- or two! Specifically, we find Virgin Sex for Guys and Virgin Sex for Girls, both written by AASECT Certified Sex Therapist Darcy Luadzers, who is (according to the jacket copy) a graduate of the University of South Carolina.

That's right: This sex therapist is a Cock.

At any rate, Dr. Darcy offers so much helpful advice about the birds and the bees and blue balls (for real!) that it would be a shame not to make some use of it. So beginning today, we'll answer questions on any topic with actual verbatim advice from Dr. Darcy. Just email us your query, and we'll get Dr. Darcy on the case.

Our first question:
Dear Dr. Darcy,

I work as a social-media expert for a major metropolitan daily newspaper. Recently, I deleted an offensive comment from a blog. The comment in question referred to the female genitalia by an inappropriate slang term. Worse, the comment came from a teacher at a local school, who really should know better. (Don't worry: I showed him!)

At any rate, my action prompted a torrent of outrage across the Internet. So my question is: How should we refer to the male and female genitalia in social-media forums?

Editor Asks Teacher Must Use Filthy Filthy Slang?
Dr. Darcy's reply, after the jump...


Very few guys refer to their penis as "their penis," unless maybe they are talking to their doctor (or sex therapist), and much more commonly call it "their dick," or maybe, "my cock." If you're a guy and you're talking to guys about your dick and you keep calling it "my penis," you're going to look like a moron and nerd.

Some girls can use and like the word "pussy," but a lot of girls are uncomfortable with that and would rather use the word, "vagina," or "coochie."

- Virgin Sex for Guys, page 161

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Hello I'am a 5o year old female who has gone through menopause I use estrogen to help make me wet and take steel limbiado to hepl increase my Sexual drive. It is very painful when having intercourse with my Husband who is younger. He has a high sex drive. I'm consider looking for a younger woman to help out. Do you have any advice for me


I am a 20 year old female and am having issues with dating and sexuality. I am attracted to guys but just can't get pat the indifferent feeling that causes me not to really pursue anything. I've never had sex and unlike many of my peers I don't have a strong desire to become sexually active. I do want to want to be in a relationship and I do get curious about having sex but never enough top do anything about it. Is something wrong with me? Do you have any advice??

Milton Swansdowne
Milton Swansdowne

I usually refer to my genitalia as "Rognvald, Slayer of Ho's." My numerous and ample-bosomed lady friends are always pleased when I inquire about the possibility of sheathing Rognvald in their respective "Meatsleeve."


I am a compulsive masturbater i love to masturbate with sheer pantyhose to the point i ejaculate. is thaat normal.

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