"Rump, Bootie, Bottom": Top 7 Rhetorical Flourishes in South Butt's Latest Filing
|What, Jimmy worry?|
South Butt LLC, the local apparel company being sued by North Face, has responded to the latter's lawsuit and request for unspecified damages with a motion to dismiss and this, shall we say, colorful 18-page answer. Below are some highlights. Do keep in mind that this document was filed in federal court.
[South Butt was] built on the dreams of Jimmy Winkelmann, a cherubic teenager, budding entrepreneur and college freshman from the heartland of America.
["The South Butt" evokes] the soft undercarriage of the non-mountain climbing human anatomy, commonly known and referred to in non-salacious form as, among others, rump, bootie, bottom, buttocks, posterior, rear, saddle thumper and butt.
But for the actions of North Face, the South Butt saga might have been relegated to local Friday fish-fry banter...[but] North face has voluntarily...elected to depict the commercial undertakings of South Butt...as 'piracy,' evoking not intellecutal property issues, but high crimes on the high seas..."
[Jimmy Winkelmann], described as a handsome cross between Mad Magazine's Alfred E. Newman of "What me Worry" fame and Skippy the Punk from the Midwest...may have turned 19 years of age, and while he looks 14 and, to some, acts 12, Jimmy and The South Butt have no choice but to defend the present action...
...without in any way intending to demean anyone who may perceive the North Face "Denali" jacket as rising to the level of a religious work of art, Defendants specifically state that Plaintiff's "Denali" Jacket is no more "iconic" than The South Butt half ass design.
To the extent that [North Face] is asserting The South Butt has actively sought to publicly expose and commercially exploit the counter-intuitive, unreasonable, illogical and socialist tactics, posture, demands and tenor of North Face, Defendants admit same.
The South Butt admits it has...sold its products...In fact...selling their products is Defendants' plan for generating revenue for Defendants. Defendants deny [certain other allegations made by North Face] but affirmatively express gratitude for the actions of The North Face in accelerating and furthering these undertakings.View the official court filings in-full on the next page...