Just How Ugly Are Missourians? The Daily Beast Reports!

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Jon Hamm, representative Missourian.

​Once again, The Daily Beast has figured out a way to make Missourians feel bad. In honor of the Miss America Pageant, the website has decided to rank the best-looking states based on all its residents, not just one representative nubile young woman.

The ranking system factored such unimpeachable criteria as People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive issue, the number of  Miss USA and Miss America winners and the hometowns of 300 models, plus the health and fitness data from the Trust for America's Health. And Missouri came in...44th?

United States Army Signal Corps

You mean this is not a beautiful man?

​WTF Daily Beast? Our fitness ranking is 39, not great, but our pageant ranking was a respectable 26. But what really killed us was the deadly People/model combo, where we came in at a dismal 43. Hello? Remember Brad Pitt? Sexiest Man Alive? Twice? And Karlie Kloss? Who, like, totally dominates Vogue now? And who lives here? You mean they are not representative Missourians?

We beg to differ. Just because we don't pimp out our beautiful people doesn't mean we don't have any. Anyway, how do 39, 26 and 43 average out to 44? You must think that, in addition to being ugly, we're too stupid to do math?

Oh, wait, your winner was Washington, DC? Which is not even a state? OK, we're done taking offense. Clearly you, Daily Beast, are the stupid one.