Non-Job Opportunity: Live Off Groupons for One Year, Get $100,000

Paramount Pictures

If you get this gig, this could be you, free and happy and on the loose in the airport. Except you probably won't look like Clooney.

​Unreal loves to think of ourself as a cheap bastard. The concept of Groupons makes our heart sing. A company offers a gift certificate at a discounted price, say, $25 worth of sushi for $10, and if enough people join in, the deal is on.

This morning, however, our heart burst into the Hallalujah Chorus: Groupon is offering one lucky individual the opportunity to live off Groupons for an entire year!

True, the deal is contingent upon that individual giving up everything -- job, home, bank account, credit cards, pets, cherished possessions, even clothes (they'll give you a suit made of Groupons to get started) -- to wander our fair nation financed only by an unlimited number of Groupons. It's like being a postmodernist hobo!

If you do this and you succeed, they will get $100,000. In cash, not in Groupons.

The Groupon people will provide you, in addition to the aforementioned Groupon suit, with a laptop and camera to document all your Groupon-using adventures. Apparently, the possibilities of Groupon-usage are endless, at least according to the website (plus, the word "Groupon" is just so much fun to say):

Nearly all human survival needs are covered by Groupon. You can get your daily nutritional content with a restaurant Groupon, and then immediately have a Groupon-accepting dentist floss that meal's remains from your teeth. You can fortify your aortas with a Pilates deal, and protect yourself against rampaging hamburglars with a self-defense class.

The only problem appears to be that they don't give you cash for things like leaving tips at restaurants. This is where the Groupon social network, plus your own cleverness and resourcefulness come into play, or at least your ability to beg. Though we're sure if you hang out on a street corner in that Groupon suit long enough, some sucker will slip you a dollar bill.