Never-Married Women in Their 30s Are Total Losers, Mizzou Study Finds

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Behold: the future of every single woman. (Because we couldn't find a picture of a dead woman in an apartment being eaten by dogs.)
​It's tough being a never-married woman in your 30s. Well-meaning older people are always asking you when you're going to settle down. Self-help books imply that you're a neurotic harpy with impossibly-high standards. Married people -- especially if they happen to be your younger sister -- treat you like an incompetent child.

And now the worst humiliation of all: Larry Ganong, a professor of the University of Missouri and co-author of the new study "I'm a Loser, I'm Not Married, Let's Just All Look at Me" that "examine[s] the familial and social messages given to women who are not married by their mid-30s" (in the words of the press release) won't return my goddamned calls.

He knows. He knows about my naked ring finger. He knows that on my census form I marked that only one person lives in my apartment. Or maybe he just read my hard-hitting report on viewing the movie Valentine's Day on Valentine's Day.

He probably thinks I spend my entire life feeling invisible, thanks to my singletude, and should be used to shit like this and therefore accept his spurning my phone calls with equanimity. Such is the lot of the never-married woman in her 30s.

Thanks a lot Dr. Ganong. You fucker.

Just in case you're curious, here are the details of Ganong's study (gleaned from the press release):

Ganong and his co-researcher, Elizabeth Sharp, a professor at Texas Tech, interviewed 32 middle-class, never-married women. (There's a sample totally large enough for generalizations.)

"We found that never-married women's social environments are characterized by pressure to conform to the conventional life pathway," Ganong said, as quoted in the press release. "This pressure was manifested in women feeling highly visible and invisible. Heightened visibility came from feelings of exposure and invisibility came from assumptions made by others."

Specifically, single women's social worlds include:
  • Awareness of shifting reality as they become older; for example, the shrinking pool of eligible men and increased pregnancy risks.
  • Reminders that they are on different life paths than most women when others inquire about their single status and during events, including social gatherings and weddings.
  • Feelings of insecurity and displacement in their families of origin when parents and siblings remark about their singlehood and make jokes or rude comments.

Ganong and Sharp found that women felt the most social stigma between the ages of 25 and 35, "a time of intense contemplation and concern for single women regarding their future family trajectories." After that, though, they become content with their lot as spinsters and presumably start adopting cats.

The great culprit, our intrepid researchers claim, is Sex and the City because it "portray[s] female protagonists who are hyper-focused on finding men, and end with the majority of those characters getting married."

Yeah, keep blaming poor old Sex and the City. Even though the series ended with two of the main characters happily unmarried and had a major plotline about a lousy marriage and subsequent divorce. What was our whipping girl before Sex and the City anyway? Jane Austen? (The version without zombies and sea monsters.)

What I am curious to know is why it's only the single women who feel like such losers? Or are made to feel like such losers? Why does nobody feel the need to speculate on the shortcomings of single men? Why has there been no study about how their brains have been warped from watching too much Entourage?

Oh, wait. Single men are cool. They're free. No wonder they avoid single women like the plague. God. I pity them. So pathetic.



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150 comments
SeriouslyTrue
SeriouslyTrue

Most of the women nowadays are total Losers.

schultzybeckett
schultzybeckett topcommenter

.  Being a mother to me looks like the end me being an individual and the beginning of mommy-itis. I also believe that 7 billion people on earth is enough.  If anyone looks at me and thinks of me as pathetic just remember, I go out at will - no babysitters needed, I have disposable income and I sleep in on Saturdays! 

schultzy http://www.mommyliciousmaternity.com/

usaf.the.boyd
usaf.the.boyd

So... Wait, you pity single men?  You think they are pathetic?  So, you are a never-married women in her 30s because why?  Oh.  Oh, I see.  BTW, I am married, but I waited until I was almost 30, and let me tell you, being single is awesome.  There is a lot to be said for doing whatever the f--k you want, whenever the f--k you want, and (here is the most important part) HOWEVER the f--k you want.  SMH

daicy
daicy

Literary legends Jane Austen and Emily and Anne Bronte never married or had children, and Charlotte Bronte, George Elliot and Beatrix Potter married in their late 30s and 40s and never had children. LOSERS.

peter.south81
peter.south81

As a man I tend to avoid these women because they are only after one thing and that thing is not in my best interest.

Sort of how sexless 20 something men are considered losers by women.

Now it's your turn.

comptoir2011
comptoir2011

Looser yes if a relationship brings you many advantages like discovering own limits and improving one's caracter, and in most cases (the most important) improving one's wealth. If you are unable of bringing these advantages in your favor then what is the point. Better not losing time and stay cocooned into one's lonely happy little selfish life !

snercher
snercher

@comptoir2011  A relationship brings you the advantage of discovering your own limits? Yeah, more like a relationship places limits on you. How does a relationship improve one's wealth? Well, I guess if you marry someone wealthy and then divorce them, you will improve your own wealth. If the only way you know how to improve your own wealth is through marriage, then you are not really that competent now, are you? And as if people don't marry for selfish reasons. Better stay single and happy then married to a selfish loser who will take you for what you got.

elle300
elle300

I am a 31 year old woman that has never been married. I spent a lot of my 20's in school working up to my masters and breaking into my career. Yes, of course i still have a dating life and have relationships and sex. It is old fashioned and lame to say that a woman who isn't married by 30 is a loser. It's funny how in real life people like to see an unmarried woman in her 30's as worthless but when they see movies with unmarried women in their 30's with a successful career they see her as sexy, witty, and confident. Yes, there are plently of guys who would bash this post simply becuase men love to bash women over the dumbest shit.

peter.south81
peter.south81

@elle300

It's not so much that you're a loser but as men get older their interest in sex dwindles and since that is the main reason for wanting to get married...

Yes, men do marry for sex as dumb as that sounds and feelings of affection are closely tied to sex.

Sex short circuits the decision making process. The problem is when men want to get married in their twenties, many have trouble even getting a date let alone a wife.

As men get older we become more rational, the women get fatter and uglier, we have a lot to lose and we come to our senses. We also hear horror stories from other men about sexless marriages and the legal system.

If you want men to marry you have to catch them when we are young and stupid.

So in a way it does make you a loser, meaning you set yourself up to fail.

Most women are dating way out of their league and find that the men they can get as boyfriends will not marry them.


peter.south81
peter.south81

@sharktwistle


If by "impotent" you mean "doesn't think about sex every waking minute" then yes.


We also have very small peni and live in our mother's basement.


Oh and we play video games, lots of video games.

snercher
snercher

@sharktwistle @peter.south81  Women become more impotent as they get older too. It becomes more difficult for them to become aroused. Perhaps that is a real problem?

jab7168
jab7168

@sharktwistle @peter.south81 I don't think it is that men become impotent; it is that most women become fat and not sexy at all.  Why would a man get aroused over a tatted up sea cow?

usaf.the.boyd
usaf.the.boyd

@sharktwistle @peter.south81

Dude, really?  A guy who is 100 years old can get an 18 year old female pregnant (although, I don't want to see that)  Most guys that cant get it up can't do so because of a psychological reason, not a physical one.

Anonymous
Anonymous

 @peter.south81 

Both genders have a propensity to become heavier and more unattractive if they don't take care of themselves.

hotpink2005
hotpink2005

In my opinion love happens at any age when real chemistry happens. Why is aged 30 and above a red flag marker? how utterly ridiculous.  Both men and women want to be loved. Men are not as heartless as women make them out to be, they are just emotionally handicapped, because sometimes they cannot read women and what we really want. However back to my main point, that love will happen when it will happen, and that's the beauty of it!! it is the one thing humans cannot control, hence why it drives us crazy, especially when we settle, with fear of being alone. if we allow ourselves to fall in love with who we should be with rather than those we 'think' we should be with, relationships will be more fulfilled and long lasting.

 Relationships are failing because people have become bitter with a point scoring/ agenda against the opposite sex. Worst still our pride kills relationships.

outthere2013
outthere2013

I am 32 and got engaged about 4 months ago. After my final break up at 31 with someone I made the mistake of being in a long term long distance relationship with, I started feeling like, "oh no....what just happened?" Here I am, about to turn 32 and it's over and in 8 years I'll be turning 40.

The day my fiancé and I saw each other for the first time, this very year, 2014, we knew it would lead to a marriage. He proposed to me in a month and he is not a much older man. He is 35.

So you are right that chemistry is always important and it includes attraction and shared long term goals. However, with that said, I observed many 30+ women and am seeing some disturbing patterns in the way they approach relationships and that is why I dont necessarily recommend taking too much time to settle down.

These women have inflated egos and are very much out of touch with reality. My fiancé was actually married to a girl his age in his 20s who is now 35, single, and living with her parents. Some of these women, as they age, think that as long as they don't get fat or even if they do get fat, they can continue to act, dress, and carry themselves as though they are still 21 and as long as they get some Botox, wear the right makeup, etcetera etcetera it is going to work. Nooooo.

The worst mistake 30+ women are making is being fake as hell! hanging out with other girly friends endlessly, posting stupid pictures on social media with their friends at the club. The funny thing is that they are still in the world of popularity contests and think a mature, successful, intelligent man is going to be impressed with this.

When I saw my fiance's ex wife, I couldn't help but pity her. She is 35, wears skimpy clothing, and dyes her hair coolaid red. She posts these pics on social media and gets nothing but thumbs up and compliments from a handful of other women for her vain attempts at being cute. She has been divorced for 5 years now and what stifles me is that these women just don't want to accept how they are truly perceived by men.

If a woman is over 30, staying physically fit is key. It is not about trendy clothes and party nights anymore. You need to be a lady, wear age-appropriate things that flatter you, and demonstrate that for what you lack in youth, you can make up for in wisdom and knowledge. After all, you have lived this long, you should have moved up from being a perky club hopping airhead a long time ago.

felinefixation1982
felinefixation1982

I'm a 30 year old single woman. I believe getting married and having kids is the closest thing to a living death that I can imagine. I hear so many stories about women settling down with complete losers because they feel they need to fulfill some societal role as a wife and mother by their 30s. I don't want to live a small life. I believe life has more to offer me than that, so while you middle class drones are popping out kids, ill be busy traveling the world.

snercher
snercher

Man hater much? Think you can post a sexist comment about men and hide behind a masculine name? But then again, there are a lot of idiotic manginas out there.

You are no doubt a bitter husk of a woman who is dying to use men for your own selfish purposes and you are angry that men are finally figuring that out and staying away from you.

Alternatively, you are a bitter husk of a man who is being controlled by a woman you are too afraid to stand up too so you attack anyone who has the fortitude to stand up against controlling women.

You can't logically refute my comments so you resort to shaming just like many bitter women and manginas do. Well, you have been shamed right back.

About time you stop demonizing and blaming men for your problems, get off the internet and just fuck off already, not that anyone would want to fuck a misinformed, angry moron like you.

What a complete waste you are.

What makes you think I would take orders from you? I will post as I please. You don't like it? Get lost, assuming you could be more lost than you already are. Pathetic loser.

sabrina.messenger
sabrina.messenger

When it comes to women, it seems we're damned if we do and damned if we don't.  When I married in 1980 at age 19, I was criticized for getting married "too young." Never mind I was legally an adult and went into the marriage with my eyes wide open. When I divorced at age 28, I got criticized because some deemed me 'too old' to find another husband.  Six years later when I earned my two BA degrees I had people asking when I was going to get re-married...but of course no one knew anyone "appropriate" for me (read Black.) Now I'm nearly 52, still not married, and if I express a desire for marriage or even a simple coffee date, I get shut down with, what for? You're doing ok on your own, you don't need a man! Then in the next breath I get to hear how I'm not wife material and I'm too intimidating, etc lol.  

araelee
araelee

I am a 32 year old unmarried woman. I am not going to pretend like single life is not lonely because it can be, however at least I have hope that might change. I find my situation far more desirable than that of many of my married friends who feel lonely and trapped in loveless marriages. When they try to tell their husbands they are called "naggers" but when they try to motivate their husbands to be more attentive by being a better wife, He thinks he's doing something right... nothing changes till she leaves, then she's a whore, or a gold digger... unless she keeps nagging, then he cheats and blames it on her. I would say 80% of married women I know fall into this category. I'm not looking for a roommate. I want a husband if I can't find one I may settle when I'm fifty. If I'm weird for that oh well.

GHarison43
GHarison43

I love how society always puts blame on the women.  We're 30 and single, therefore we're "too picky".  Really?  I dated a guy for 4.5 years, who took 4.5 years to tell me that he didn't want kids.  That already pushed me to 28 years.  I've tried dating for the past year, but unfortunately 99% of the guys I dated were after one thing only.  So as a result of this one guy wasting 4.5 years of my life, I'm close to 30 and still single.  So now please explain why I'm the "picky" one here??

underground
underground

What this article really says is: To all women (and men get it too) of a specific age, you must get married, multiply,  and conform to the desires of the real rulers of this world. We need your children to brainwash, break down, and medicate, until they are  transformed into mindless workers, trained to obey authority without question. Your children will then continue to feed the system and support the parasitic ruling class. They make their living off us, we are cattle to them.

makebae30
makebae30

As a 31 year old woman who has no husband and no kids, I'm not at all offended by this.  I'm not offended because I have no maternal desire and I'm iffy on marriage at best. The one thing that bothers me about society is that it seems to expect  all women to get hitched and pop out some mini me's.  I'm not a lesbian by any means, I just enjoy my money and my freedom.  Being a mother to me looks like the end me being an individual and the beginning of mommy-itis.  I also believe that 7 billion people on earth is enough.  If anyone looks at me and thinks of me as pathetic just remember, I go out at will - no babysitters needed, I have disposable income and I sleep in on Saturdays! 

Caprica1.5
Caprica1.5

I would like to be president of this so called "losers' club". 43 never been married or had children. It's a badge of honor. Yes, sometimes you feel lonely and wish you had a partner to help navigate in this world, but I've weathered enough storms to know I'm darn good at punching through it alone. How did I not get married? Simple really; career, taking care of an elderly parent and not the time to meet the right person. So, does that make me a loser? Maybe it does...to the eyes of others - but I don't share their eyes. I have my own and the view "ain't that bad folks". 

bunyfan1
bunyfan1

if you think 30+ women are losers--try women in their 40's and 50's-especially those who have been divorced, have kids or both. Everytime I meet one of them I have to listen to all the gory details for the reason their marriages failed (even when I tell them I don't want to hear about it). They almost all reek of desperation-based on the almost daily phone calls, text messages, e-mails I used to get. The overiding concern will all of them is a morbid fear of aging alone and destitute---so I stopped dating them PERIOD!!!!

bunyfan1
bunyfan1

if you think single 30+ women are losers---try women in their 40's and 50's-especially those who are divorced or have kids or both. Everyone of them on the first date has to fill me in on all the gory details for the demise of their marriages. Almost everyone of them reek of desperation--based on the daily phone calls/texts/messages you get etc.etc. The central theme from all of them is a profound fear of aging alone and destitute. I will never date one of them again PERIOD!!

Rickyjuice365
Rickyjuice365

We live in a "Monkey See Monkey Do" Society and when you dont seem to conform or be chasing after the same things. In  this case after the age of 30, single women tend to get bugged or feel depressed about thier relationship status. They are even considered to be eccentric with all their nit picking about finding a dream man.  After all they are the ones carrying the bulk of the reproductive organs.

News Flash ladies: Men want to settle down but media tells us there may always be something better around the corner.

Its not easy finding a mate in this day and age; the "Monkeys" are granted to many freedoms and cant seem to make up their minds.

FYI: after a certain age Single men get down right weird and should have a women in their lives to crack a whip and get them in shape.

snercher
snercher

@Rickyjuice365 If you need someone in your life to crack a whip in order to prevent you from becoming weird and to get you into shape, then you are dysfunctional and not worthy of a mate. High-quality individuals want partners to share their lives with, not parental figures to prevent their lives from spiraling down the drain.

eadgbe
eadgbe

Most people are miserable in general. I mean married people are sad because they're married, single people are sad because they're single. I see this everyday with my friends and my mother. The problem is not being single or married. It's the fact that we live in a messed up society, economy, etc. The fact that most people work like slaves, lack spiritual development, hate too much, consume polluted and modified food, etc. I mean people are being tortured and their depression is a symptom of brainwashing and poor health. I'm 18, I don't care if I get married, that has nothing to do with general satisfaction. I want to improve the world, I will be happy when there is no more corruption and when I know I can respect myself.

Dmerce
Dmerce

That professor is most likely to be a misogynous creep and probably can't stand single smart and successful women keeping telling him to f.....o......f

Fakemail
Fakemail

As a married man in his 30's with two children and a house in the suburbs I gotta say; Still single women in their 30's are regarded as either closet lesbians, or blatant stalkers. Not losers so much.

Ahto
Ahto

A very well argued article...

Mike
Mike

I'm learning to be patient. I'm learning about myself. About what I like (thanks Facebook, lol). Sure I want to meet someone. I have to be close to myself and know myself before I can share who I am. It may be cliche, but whatever. Plus, these are exciting times. We have a choice to be more social and get online and meet ppl too. Like there's this 'yachtdates.' It is a new online community for ppl who love the outdoors. Maybe one thing to try is online dating. Here is the link to yachtdates for anyone interested. Good luck! 

http://on.fb.me/qfFrm7

John
John

Men are out busting their butt working.

Women who stay single into their 30's generally only take-take-take (money, time, positive energy & feeling) from men who, when they discover it - dump them quickly.

Too may American women feel they are owed simply by virtue of their gender and have ZERO empathy or genuine care for their man. They ALWAYS WANT MORE. And are constantly looking for what they don't have rather than enjoying the things they do.

THIS IS THE MATERIALIZATION & MADISON AVENUE DESTRUCTION OF THE FAMILY - MAKING WOMEN BELIEVE THAT WHAT MATERIALS A MAN CAN PROVIDE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE INTANGIBLES THAT WILL GET YOU HAPPILY THROUGH LIFE TOGETHER.

MADISON AVENUE HAS CONNED THE MAJORITY OF WOMEN

THAT'S WHY YOU'RE ALL SINGLE AT 30.

stuoisp
stuoisp

Women will say anything to get married - like men will say anything to get laid.

If a man is 30 and hasn't had sex - he's considered a freak.  This, despite the fact that he may simply be ugly, short, poorly-endowed, etc.

So it's perfectly fair (if not fairer) to say that a woman who's in her 30s and hasn't had the bare minimal social skills to find a husband (since most women just marry for money and then divorce a couple years later) is either too picky or just not attractive. 

Women who say "I love being single" are full of shit.  

Greenanodyne
Greenanodyne

Wow. Reading all these comments boggles my mind.  I had no idea people put such emphasis on age rather than, or as a priority over, character.  One of the things I have learned that keeps reverberating in my head as I read these responses is that I find people's numeric age is so often completely different than their personality might indicate.  I know many 20 year olds (male and female) that are old souls and many 30 and 40-somethings that are energetic and fun (and sometimes equally as immature as many 20 somethings).  The point/question being: are there not people out there that are less fixated on numeric age and more open to finding a personality that just meshes with theirs?

singleandlovinit
singleandlovinit

In my humble opinion, the single life is the way to go. I am a 30 year old woman, never married, no kids, never even co-habitated with a man, and I truly could not be happier with my decision to remain single. I do not even go out on dates anymore they are so ridiculous, predictible, and a waste of time!Women, for the most part are terrified of being alone, and they turn a blind eye to and put up with a lot of bad behavior from fellas. One example: In almost every case, a woman will stay with a man who has cheated on her.Men will only fall in love when they are ready to, not when they found the right woman for them, or even a good woman. Men make the rules when it comes to relationships, believe me! There is nothing a woman can do to make a fella love her and fall for her. She just has to hope and pray she is in his path when he is ready. No single woman should think of herself as a loser or no good. She should adopt mans way of life and live for herself. Be selfish. Ignore guys and pay attention to yourself. Men find their own medicine very bitter and unpleasent.I believe marriage is dead and we should just go forth and legalize prostitution. Give man what he wants: sex. Let him pay for it too. He certainly does not want a relationship, and I have my doubts that man is even capable of loving, as he is so selfish and emotionally handicapped.And for those smartasses out there, I am quite attractive and certainly get quite a bit of attention from the opposite sex, and I do not own any cats ;)

Craig
Craig

Hey idiot men can procreate throughout their life, women have a bilogical clock up to their 30's. Thats why women are still singe by then are losers. Men don't feel an urgent rush to get married since we can still have a faimly in our 40'and 50's which is common

Novae3
Novae3

That 'research' makes absolutely no sense. I am a succesful male, and I can personally say that I do not think unmarried women in their 30's or any age for that matter are weird. It is up to you whether you want to marry or not. It annoys me how shallow and nosy people in today's world are becoming. I think people need to get a life and stop trying to force their own views on others. Do what makes you happy I say.

Swordsgenius
Swordsgenius

Not trying to generalize, but a few unmarried women over 30s (40s specifically) that I met were kind of cranky and less soft-hearted. They were very realistic and some were very very intense. Which I suspect is how she scared the guys away. I mean, I don't know what causes what (cranky personality > then > unmarried) or (unmarried > then > cranky personality) but I do see some correlation between them - at least the ones that I met.

Swordsgenius
Swordsgenius

Although I concur that 32 is not large enough to generalize, your essay does exhibit that you are highly insecure for the face that you're over 30's and single. What's wrong with studying the psychology of single women? I am pretty sure they're not trying to single you out, but you're just one of the groups in the population, just like why people study kids and the eldery? And I am pretty there are or will be studies on single men anyways. If you feel that your ego is being attacked by the study, well, prove that it's wrong then - instead of being sour about the study, which I presume, has no intention of attacking any groups - but just reporting what they gained from the 32-sample study. Do you feel what's been described or not? Are you in denial or not? You don't need to answer this but the aim of the study is to enlighten, and maybe with this information you can learn more about a group or yourself - whether you fit the description or not.

Jeffreytrigger
Jeffreytrigger

First of all single male here and 31. If you think I don't take jokes for being single, you are wrong. I know, you're probably going to say, well I'm a loser and live with my parents. However, you're assumption would be wrong. I have a masters degree, a good job, and I'm a home owner. It's not just women getting mocked. Lately, I feel I must be not worthy of a date.

TyroneS
TyroneS

Women definitely have many advantages relative to men in the dating market when they are in their 20s. However, a lot of women squander their most attractive years either dating player-types or just being too picky or focused on their careers. If single women in their mid-30s really want to get married, then need to open themselves to dating guys who are in their mid-40s. An attractive man in his mid-30s who maybe struggled with dating in his 20s as he focused on his career and was shunned by overly picky women is probably not going to want to settle for a woman in her mid-30s who probably only wants to get married because she feels the pressure to stop playing around while her biological clock is ticking loudly.

mike
mike

Marriage in this country everybody turns out to be a loser. Men don't want or need to get married period, and if they do a female talked them into it.

Guys look at the marriage thing this way - "We'll if i get married i will lose half or more of everything i worked for, and as always the courts will always rule in the females' favor for everything, so why would i want to risk everything that i worked so hard for only to get a divorce and lose it all".

Lets face it Marriage is stupid and women are ridiculously obsessed with it since the age of 11. If was a female i would love to get married because it the best investment I could possible make in this country. The Divorce rate is undeniably horrible and not reasonable enough to take a chance on getting married.

Men have better odds at winning playing poker at a casino.

I'm a 34 yr old Male I'm very successful in life and with the ladies, and I will never get married ever.

Life Lover
Life Lover

The thing that bothers me is not being single ,but the fact that many others choose not to be. I know very well what I want. I'm just annoyed that everyone else doesn't want the same thing. I constantly find myself at parties made up of couples talking about the most exciting part of their day, which is walking their dog after supper.And everytime I'm there, I think, "wow, i never want to end up like this! Why do so many others want this life?" Its bizarre to me. But I feel that more and more people around me are beginning to choose this life, putting pressure on me to join in.

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