Never-Married Women in Their 30s Are Total Losers, Mizzou Study Finds

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Behold: the future of every single woman. (Because we couldn't find a picture of a dead woman in an apartment being eaten by dogs.)
​It's tough being a never-married woman in your 30s. Well-meaning older people are always asking you when you're going to settle down. Self-help books imply that you're a neurotic harpy with impossibly-high standards. Married people -- especially if they happen to be your younger sister -- treat you like an incompetent child.

And now the worst humiliation of all: Larry Ganong, a professor of the University of Missouri and co-author of the new study "I'm a Loser, I'm Not Married, Let's Just All Look at Me" that "examine[s] the familial and social messages given to women who are not married by their mid-30s" (in the words of the press release) won't return my goddamned calls.

He knows. He knows about my naked ring finger. He knows that on my census form I marked that only one person lives in my apartment. Or maybe he just read my hard-hitting report on viewing the movie Valentine's Day on Valentine's Day.

He probably thinks I spend my entire life feeling invisible, thanks to my singletude, and should be used to shit like this and therefore accept his spurning my phone calls with equanimity. Such is the lot of the never-married woman in her 30s.

Thanks a lot Dr. Ganong. You fucker.

Just in case you're curious, here are the details of Ganong's study (gleaned from the press release):

Ganong and his co-researcher, Elizabeth Sharp, a professor at Texas Tech, interviewed 32 middle-class, never-married women. (There's a sample totally large enough for generalizations.)

"We found that never-married women's social environments are characterized by pressure to conform to the conventional life pathway," Ganong said, as quoted in the press release. "This pressure was manifested in women feeling highly visible and invisible. Heightened visibility came from feelings of exposure and invisibility came from assumptions made by others."

Specifically, single women's social worlds include:
  • Awareness of shifting reality as they become older; for example, the shrinking pool of eligible men and increased pregnancy risks.
  • Reminders that they are on different life paths than most women when others inquire about their single status and during events, including social gatherings and weddings.
  • Feelings of insecurity and displacement in their families of origin when parents and siblings remark about their singlehood and make jokes or rude comments.

Ganong and Sharp found that women felt the most social stigma between the ages of 25 and 35, "a time of intense contemplation and concern for single women regarding their future family trajectories." After that, though, they become content with their lot as spinsters and presumably start adopting cats.

The great culprit, our intrepid researchers claim, is Sex and the City because it "portray[s] female protagonists who are hyper-focused on finding men, and end with the majority of those characters getting married."

Yeah, keep blaming poor old Sex and the City. Even though the series ended with two of the main characters happily unmarried and had a major plotline about a lousy marriage and subsequent divorce. What was our whipping girl before Sex and the City anyway? Jane Austen? (The version without zombies and sea monsters.)

What I am curious to know is why it's only the single women who feel like such losers? Or are made to feel like such losers? Why does nobody feel the need to speculate on the shortcomings of single men? Why has there been no study about how their brains have been warped from watching too much Entourage?

Oh, wait. Single men are cool. They're free. No wonder they avoid single women like the plague. God. I pity them. So pathetic.



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147 comments
schultzybeckett
schultzybeckett

.  Being a mother to me looks like the end me being an individual and the beginning of mommy-itis. I also believe that 7 billion people on earth is enough.  If anyone looks at me and thinks of me as pathetic just remember, I go out at will - no babysitters needed, I have disposable income and I sleep in on Saturdays! 

schultzy http://www.mommyliciousmaternity.com/

usaf.the.boyd
usaf.the.boyd

So... Wait, you pity single men?  You think they are pathetic?  So, you are a never-married women in her 30s because why?  Oh.  Oh, I see.  BTW, I am married, but I waited until I was almost 30, and let me tell you, being single is awesome.  There is a lot to be said for doing whatever the f--k you want, whenever the f--k you want, and (here is the most important part) HOWEVER the f--k you want.  SMH

daicy
daicy

Literary legends Jane Austen and Emily and Anne Bronte never married or had children, and Charlotte Bronte, George Elliot and Beatrix Potter married in their late 30s and 40s and never had children. LOSERS.

peter.south81
peter.south81

As a man I tend to avoid these women because they are only after one thing and that thing is not in my best interest.

Sort of how sexless 20 something men are considered losers by women.

Now it's your turn.

comptoir2011
comptoir2011

Looser yes if a relationship brings you many advantages like discovering own limits and improving one's caracter, and in most cases (the most important) improving one's wealth. If you are unable of bringing these advantages in your favor then what is the point. Better not losing time and stay cocooned into one's lonely happy little selfish life !

elle300
elle300

I am a 31 year old woman that has never been married. I spent a lot of my 20's in school working up to my masters and breaking into my career. Yes, of course i still have a dating life and have relationships and sex. It is old fashioned and lame to say that a woman who isn't married by 30 is a loser. It's funny how in real life people like to see an unmarried woman in her 30's as worthless but when they see movies with unmarried women in their 30's with a successful career they see her as sexy, witty, and confident. Yes, there are plently of guys who would bash this post simply becuase men love to bash women over the dumbest shit.

hotpink2005
hotpink2005

In my opinion love happens at any age when real chemistry happens. Why is aged 30 and above a red flag marker? how utterly ridiculous.  Both men and women want to be loved. Men are not as heartless as women make them out to be, they are just emotionally handicapped, because sometimes they cannot read women and what we really want. However back to my main point, that love will happen when it will happen, and that's the beauty of it!! it is the one thing humans cannot control, hence why it drives us crazy, especially when we settle, with fear of being alone. if we allow ourselves to fall in love with who we should be with rather than those we 'think' we should be with, relationships will be more fulfilled and long lasting.

 Relationships are failing because people have become bitter with a point scoring/ agenda against the opposite sex. Worst still our pride kills relationships.

felinefixation1982
felinefixation1982

I'm a 30 year old single woman. I believe getting married and having kids is the closest thing to a living death that I can imagine. I hear so many stories about women settling down with complete losers because they feel they need to fulfill some societal role as a wife and mother by their 30s. I don't want to live a small life. I believe life has more to offer me than that, so while you middle class drones are popping out kids, ill be busy traveling the world.

snercher
snercher

Man hater much? Think you can post a sexist comment about men and hide behind a masculine name? But then again, there are a lot of idiotic manginas out there.

You are no doubt a bitter husk of a woman who is dying to use men for your own selfish purposes and you are angry that men are finally figuring that out and staying away from you.

Alternatively, you are a bitter husk of a man who is being controlled by a woman you are too afraid to stand up too so you attack anyone who has the fortitude to stand up against controlling women.

You can't logically refute my comments so you resort to shaming just like many bitter women and manginas do. Well, you have been shamed right back.

About time you stop demonizing and blaming men for your problems, get off the internet and just fuck off already, not that anyone would want to fuck a misinformed, angry moron like you.

What a complete waste you are.

What makes you think I would take orders from you? I will post as I please. You don't like it? Get lost, assuming you could be more lost than you already are. Pathetic loser.

sabrina.messenger
sabrina.messenger

When it comes to women, it seems we're damned if we do and damned if we don't.  When I married in 1980 at age 19, I was criticized for getting married "too young." Never mind I was legally an adult and went into the marriage with my eyes wide open. When I divorced at age 28, I got criticized because some deemed me 'too old' to find another husband.  Six years later when I earned my two BA degrees I had people asking when I was going to get re-married...but of course no one knew anyone "appropriate" for me (read Black.) Now I'm nearly 52, still not married, and if I express a desire for marriage or even a simple coffee date, I get shut down with, what for? You're doing ok on your own, you don't need a man! Then in the next breath I get to hear how I'm not wife material and I'm too intimidating, etc lol.  

araelee
araelee

I am a 32 year old unmarried woman. I am not going to pretend like single life is not lonely because it can be, however at least I have hope that might change. I find my situation far more desirable than that of many of my married friends who feel lonely and trapped in loveless marriages. When they try to tell their husbands they are called "naggers" but when they try to motivate their husbands to be more attentive by being a better wife, He thinks he's doing something right... nothing changes till she leaves, then she's a whore, or a gold digger... unless she keeps nagging, then he cheats and blames it on her. I would say 80% of married women I know fall into this category. I'm not looking for a roommate. I want a husband if I can't find one I may settle when I'm fifty. If I'm weird for that oh well.

GHarison43
GHarison43

I love how society always puts blame on the women.  We're 30 and single, therefore we're "too picky".  Really?  I dated a guy for 4.5 years, who took 4.5 years to tell me that he didn't want kids.  That already pushed me to 28 years.  I've tried dating for the past year, but unfortunately 99% of the guys I dated were after one thing only.  So as a result of this one guy wasting 4.5 years of my life, I'm close to 30 and still single.  So now please explain why I'm the "picky" one here??

underground
underground

What this article really says is: To all women (and men get it too) of a specific age, you must get married, multiply,  and conform to the desires of the real rulers of this world. We need your children to brainwash, break down, and medicate, until they are  transformed into mindless workers, trained to obey authority without question. Your children will then continue to feed the system and support the parasitic ruling class. They make their living off us, we are cattle to them.

makebae30
makebae30

As a 31 year old woman who has no husband and no kids, I'm not at all offended by this.  I'm not offended because I have no maternal desire and I'm iffy on marriage at best. The one thing that bothers me about society is that it seems to expect  all women to get hitched and pop out some mini me's.  I'm not a lesbian by any means, I just enjoy my money and my freedom.  Being a mother to me looks like the end me being an individual and the beginning of mommy-itis.  I also believe that 7 billion people on earth is enough.  If anyone looks at me and thinks of me as pathetic just remember, I go out at will - no babysitters needed, I have disposable income and I sleep in on Saturdays! 

Caprica1.5
Caprica1.5

I would like to be president of this so called "losers' club". 43 never been married or had children. It's a badge of honor. Yes, sometimes you feel lonely and wish you had a partner to help navigate in this world, but I've weathered enough storms to know I'm darn good at punching through it alone. How did I not get married? Simple really; career, taking care of an elderly parent and not the time to meet the right person. So, does that make me a loser? Maybe it does...to the eyes of others - but I don't share their eyes. I have my own and the view "ain't that bad folks". 

bunyfan1
bunyfan1

if you think 30+ women are losers--try women in their 40's and 50's-especially those who have been divorced, have kids or both. Everytime I meet one of them I have to listen to all the gory details for the reason their marriages failed (even when I tell them I don't want to hear about it). They almost all reek of desperation-based on the almost daily phone calls, text messages, e-mails I used to get. The overiding concern will all of them is a morbid fear of aging alone and destitute---so I stopped dating them PERIOD!!!!

bunyfan1
bunyfan1

if you think single 30+ women are losers---try women in their 40's and 50's-especially those who are divorced or have kids or both. Everyone of them on the first date has to fill me in on all the gory details for the demise of their marriages. Almost everyone of them reek of desperation--based on the daily phone calls/texts/messages you get etc.etc. The central theme from all of them is a profound fear of aging alone and destitute. I will never date one of them again PERIOD!!

Rickyjuice365
Rickyjuice365

We live in a "Monkey See Monkey Do" Society and when you dont seem to conform or be chasing after the same things. In  this case after the age of 30, single women tend to get bugged or feel depressed about thier relationship status. They are even considered to be eccentric with all their nit picking about finding a dream man.  After all they are the ones carrying the bulk of the reproductive organs.

News Flash ladies: Men want to settle down but media tells us there may always be something better around the corner.

Its not easy finding a mate in this day and age; the "Monkeys" are granted to many freedoms and cant seem to make up their minds.

FYI: after a certain age Single men get down right weird and should have a women in their lives to crack a whip and get them in shape.

snercher
snercher

@comptoir2011  A relationship brings you the advantage of discovering your own limits? Yeah, more like a relationship places limits on you. How does a relationship improve one's wealth? Well, I guess if you marry someone wealthy and then divorce them, you will improve your own wealth. If the only way you know how to improve your own wealth is through marriage, then you are not really that competent now, are you? And as if people don't marry for selfish reasons. Better stay single and happy then married to a selfish loser who will take you for what you got.

peter.south81
peter.south81

@elle300

It's not so much that you're a loser but as men get older their interest in sex dwindles and since that is the main reason for wanting to get married...

Yes, men do marry for sex as dumb as that sounds and feelings of affection are closely tied to sex.

Sex short circuits the decision making process. The problem is when men want to get married in their twenties, many have trouble even getting a date let alone a wife.

As men get older we become more rational, the women get fatter and uglier, we have a lot to lose and we come to our senses. We also hear horror stories from other men about sexless marriages and the legal system.

If you want men to marry you have to catch them when we are young and stupid.

So in a way it does make you a loser, meaning you set yourself up to fail.

Most women are dating way out of their league and find that the men they can get as boyfriends will not marry them.


outthere2013
outthere2013

I am 32 and got engaged about 4 months ago. After my final break up at 31 with someone I made the mistake of being in a long term long distance relationship with, I started feeling like, "oh no....what just happened?" Here I am, about to turn 32 and it's over and in 8 years I'll be turning 40.

The day my fiancé and I saw each other for the first time, this very year, 2014, we knew it would lead to a marriage. He proposed to me in a month and he is not a much older man. He is 35.

So you are right that chemistry is always important and it includes attraction and shared long term goals. However, with that said, I observed many 30+ women and am seeing some disturbing patterns in the way they approach relationships and that is why I dont necessarily recommend taking too much time to settle down.

These women have inflated egos and are very much out of touch with reality. My fiancé was actually married to a girl his age in his 20s who is now 35, single, and living with her parents. Some of these women, as they age, think that as long as they don't get fat or even if they do get fat, they can continue to act, dress, and carry themselves as though they are still 21 and as long as they get some Botox, wear the right makeup, etcetera etcetera it is going to work. Nooooo.

The worst mistake 30+ women are making is being fake as hell! hanging out with other girly friends endlessly, posting stupid pictures on social media with their friends at the club. The funny thing is that they are still in the world of popularity contests and think a mature, successful, intelligent man is going to be impressed with this.

When I saw my fiance's ex wife, I couldn't help but pity her. She is 35, wears skimpy clothing, and dyes her hair coolaid red. She posts these pics on social media and gets nothing but thumbs up and compliments from a handful of other women for her vain attempts at being cute. She has been divorced for 5 years now and what stifles me is that these women just don't want to accept how they are truly perceived by men.

If a woman is over 30, staying physically fit is key. It is not about trendy clothes and party nights anymore. You need to be a lady, wear age-appropriate things that flatter you, and demonstrate that for what you lack in youth, you can make up for in wisdom and knowledge. After all, you have lived this long, you should have moved up from being a perky club hopping airhead a long time ago.

Jon5
Jon5

@snercher You are a very bitter person in your own right. While there is resentment in the original post, there is just outright hatred in yours. You are not a healthy person, and while you accuse others of bullying, you are obviously a bully yourself. You think you are logical and rational as well, but you are obviously ruled by your emotions.

snercher
snercher

@sabrina.messenger Well, getting married at 19 is kind of extreme. You should have been in school focusing on building your own life rather than marrying someone. I don't know who told you that 28 is too old to find another husband but perhaps you should have found people who don't share such extreme views.

And you have to admit, why would someone be single for so long and then suddenly decide they want to be married at 52? What suddenly changed - a mid-life crisis? Yes, you can change your mind but why make sudden lifestyle changes when you are middle-aged? A potential partner will be interested to know why you suddenly became interested in marriage after so many years of being single.

I agree with you. You are doing okay on your own and you shouldn't get married. It seems that you make impulsive decisions and marriage should not be based on an impulse.

usaf.the.boyd
usaf.the.boyd

@araelee

Honestly, I'm a 32 year old guy, and I think in today's society it is just really hard living with another person in general.  It's really easy to be selfish, and if the other person does not have exactly the same interests as you, it's really easy to grow apart.  I think once you experience life as it could be, life as it "should be" is just boring.

turnitupcon
turnitupcon

I agree with your information about the loveless marriages. That is exactly how I feel. Lose-lose situation. I am female almost 30 and in the process of a divorce.

hotpink2005
hotpink2005

@GHarison43 why do women stay in relationships willingly, then complain that a guy wasted their life? i dont see any time as wasted at all. you had free will to leave at any point but you chose not to, so why blame the guy, like you are a victim who was imprisoned, and when he was not playing ball you threw a tantrum and left.

snercher
snercher

@GHarison43 No one said you were picky. From what you typed, it seems that you don't really want a commitment. You spent 4.5 years with a man only to find out that he doesn't share your life goals? How does that happen? I think you stayed with the guy because the relationship was fun and when the excitement wore off you decided to break it off.

And now you say that 99% of the guys you date are only after one thing? Where do you find these guys? And what about the 1% who are not only after one thing? You don't want them either?

Many people say they want commitment and family, but their behavior indicates otherwise. Find out what you really want and don't blame others for your behavior.

snercher
snercher

@makebae30 Finally, a woman who knows what she wants and doesn't blame others for her own decisions. Bravo!

sabrina.messenger
sabrina.messenger

All of them? Really? did you talk to them all or is that just your own bias talking?  You're doing those women a favor by not dating them...never send in a boy to do a man's job!

snercher
snercher

@Rickyjuice365 If you need someone in your life to crack a whip in order to prevent you from becoming weird and to get you into shape, then you are dysfunctional and not worthy of a mate. High-quality individuals want partners to share their lives with, not parental figures to prevent their lives from spiraling down the drain.

snercher
snercher

@Jon5 @snercher  When people respond to my posts with bitterness and hatred, I respond in kind. Throw a punch at me, I throw two back at you. You are the one that is not a healthy person. You think that people should just take abuse and can't stand it when someone fights back. I know I am logical and rational because people can't respond to my arguments in a logical and rational way, so they resort to shaming and insults. You are the one that is ruled by your emotions because you couldn't respond to my arguments with any logic. You are the bully and I successfully defended myself against you. Deal with that and learn deal with your own hatred and inadequacies.

sabrina.messenger
sabrina.messenger

Snercher, you are obviously a troll who just wants to get a rise out of people. Your rude and out of line judgmental comments have absolutely no validity. Now please leave the room and let the ADULTS continue the discussion.

Jon5
Jon5

@hotpink2005 @GHarison43 I'm a man and I threw a tantrum and left a relationship. Both sexes do it, Its just the result of not being honest with your own emotions and also feeling too responsible for how the other person feels. In my relationship, I felt sorry for the other person and that I was needed for their happiness, so much that i ignored my own. Eventually I just pent up too much emotions that I could no longer hold it anymore and I exploded. It was a stupid way to operate and a waste of time. I blame myself for it in part for going along with it, but I also blame the other person because they played emotional blackmail. They made me feel guilty and stuff. Guys do it to girls too. 

snercher
snercher

@sabrina.messenger Well, Sabrina, did you talk to all of the men before claiming that you don't need them as you did in your first comment? You are doing those men a favor by never getting married. Never send in a girl to do a woman's job!

usaf.the.boyd
usaf.the.boyd

@sharktwistle @peter.south81

Dude, really?  A guy who is 100 years old can get an 18 year old female pregnant (although, I don't want to see that)  Most guys that cant get it up can't do so because of a psychological reason, not a physical one.

jab7168
jab7168

@sharktwistle @peter.south81 I don't think it is that men become impotent; it is that most women become fat and not sexy at all.  Why would a man get aroused over a tatted up sea cow?

snercher
snercher

@sharktwistle @peter.south81  Women become more impotent as they get older too. It becomes more difficult for them to become aroused. Perhaps that is a real problem?

peter.south81
peter.south81

@sharktwistle


If by "impotent" you mean "doesn't think about sex every waking minute" then yes.


We also have very small peni and live in our mother's basement.


Oh and we play video games, lots of video games.

snercher
snercher

@sabrina.messenger Sabrina, just because I say something you don't agree with doesn't make me a troll. You are not in a position to decide whether anyone's comments are valid or not. People have a right to express their opinions. Furthermore, ADULTS tell it like it is and are capable of facing reality - something that more people should be doing in their lives.

snercher
snercher

@Jon5 @hotpink2005 @GHarison43  "Guys do it to girls too." That wasn't the point of this thread. The point is, GHarison43 claims that she dated a guy for 4.5 years before she found out that he didn't want kids. Why did it take that long? When you date someone for an extended period of time and there is no talk about marriage and kids then it's time to move on. Don't stay in a relationship for years and then totally place the blame on the other person when you find out that the two of you share different life goals. The person you were dating should have known that you were penting up your emotions and that person should have dumped you instead of playing emotional blackmail as you claim she did. If you are not good at reading the signals in an adult relationship, what makes you think you will be a good parent? Will you be able to read the signals your child gives out? People need to honestly and completely think about the way they conduct their lives and relationships.

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