Remember how last year you heard that 'Six is a Serious Number'
advertisement on the radio, or saw it on the television, and immediately found it annoying? You thought to yourself, "This is just terrible. Who in the hell thought this was a good idea?"
But then, something odd happened. The commercial kept popping up everywhere you went. And yeah, it was still a little annoying, but the more you heard it, the more you didn't hate it. Hell, by the time the summer was over and those two doofy guys had appeared in a remix of the thing, you actually found the original sort of endearing. Go ahead, admit it. It's okay. No one could possibly hate that song forever. There's just something about it.
Well, guess what? I'm absolutely certain that isn't going to happen this year.
See, the geniuses at Mobil On the Run have come up with another advertisement this year. Unfortunately, there's nothing even mildly endearing about this year's song, which features a Brad Paisley lookalike (Ha! You didn't think I knew what any country singers looked like, did you?!), crooning away in front of Busch Stadium with a cheering crowd and dancing girls in Cardinal jerseys.
It is, in a word, horrifying.
Please, good people of the Standard Oil Company, don't let this abomination pollute the airwaves all summer! If this thing is going to be as ubiquitous as last year's, there will be mass suicides, people jumping to their deaths from high places. The first time I saw it I actually started trying to gnaw through my own wrists in order to get at the sweet juicy goodness of my life's blood in order to end it all. We are talking Revelations-style apocalyptic disaster here if this commercial is allowed to continue airing.
Please, Mobil. Do the right thing and kill this country-fried abortion before it can do any real damage.
Think of the children. Bring back the old ad. Please, Mobil. You're the only ones who can put a stop to this.