Rod Blagojevich on Celebrity Apprentice: Week Four
Friends, for four weeks now, we've been watching Rod Blagojevich together on Celebrity Apprentice. It hasn't always been great -- actually, since every episode is now two hours, most of it is actually pretty damned boring, especially the parts where the celebrities meet the recipients of their charity and the camera focus gets all soft and the music gets all sappy. But then it always comes back to Rod. And Rod is a reality TV superstar.
Dalton Ross of Entertainment Weekly explained why in his recap of last week's episode:
The guy is a reality TV goldmine. Because reality TV is all about buffoonery, and Rod Blagojevich may just be the biggest buffoon in reality TV history. He's like the bastard lovechild of Joe Schmo and Coach from Survivor. He just walks around as clueless as clueless can be with his goofy grin on. Ignorance must truly be bliss because this guy seemingly has no skills whatsoever and is caught up in a huge political scandal, yet walks around like he just ate up a huge bowl of sunshine.
So it's a painful, painful thing that just as the world was beginning to realize Blago's genius, the man had to go and get himself fired. Again. But let it not be said that he didn't go out in style.
The fun began almost immediately when Michael Johnson nominated Blago to be the men's new project manager. Rod accepted the nomination gracefully. But in an interview, Johnson confided that he wanted to see what the governor was capable of, because "Rod has done nothing so far."
Trump announced that Blago and the women's project manager, Victoria's Secret model Selita Ebanks, would leave early the next morning on a special secret mission. "Are you okay with that, Governor?" he asked. "As long as I don't need a passport!" Rod said cheerfully.
And so before dawn, Blago and Ebanks boarded a limo in front of Trump Tower to take them to the airport. Blago attempted to use his political skill on his opponent. "Got a little chip on your shoulder because you're beautiful and you don't want people to think you're dumb?" he asked, oozing compassion. It was a little hard to tell, but it seemed to work.
On the airplane, though, everything changed. Trump appeared on a video screen Big Brother-style (Orwell, not reality TV) to inform the two project managers that they were on their way to Orlando to gather information for a 3-D interactive display to promote Universal's Wizarding World of Harry Potter theme park. They would be judged by a panel of young Harry Potter fans. Ebanks immediately turned on her laptop and began watching the promotional DVD sent by Universal.
Now let's give Blago some credit here. It appeared that since last week, he had learned to turn the laptop on. He still seemed mystified by its inner workings, however, and turned it over to see if there was anything hidden on the bottom.
"Communication is important," Rod told the camera solemnly. "I hope I'll get to use a phone." Unfortunately, the phone he was given appeared to be some sort of smart phone and was completely beyond him.
Back at home base, his teammates mocked him. "If Rod has to send an e-mail today," said Goldberg. "I sure hope there's a homing pigeon he can attach it to." Just for fun, Curtis Stone called up Blago's voicemail to leave a message that he knew the governor would be incapable of retrieving: "If anybody gets this, let Rod know we all love him."
Rod finally managed to get in touch with his team and informed Stone that they would have to build a 3-D interactive display. "What is that?" Stone asked, puzzled. "It's like a nativity scene!" explained Bret Michaels. On that basis, Blago appointed Michaels his deputy and gave a final instruction: "The whole world's watching, including Selita, so watch what you say."
Meanwhile, Ebanks sat beside the governor, diligently texting instructions to her team. Rod cheerfully admitted that texting was beyond him. (What is with this guy? Doesn't he have teenaged children?) "It's actually an advantage," he said, "because it gives me a chance to sit back and think. We will not win because of text-messaging or e-mails. It's an excuse for people to point fingers after."
Behold Blago's deep thinking on the plane ride back to New York: