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Bill to Kill Missouri Strip Clubs Passes Legislature

Categories: News, Politics
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The Holy Warrior: Matt Bartle
State Senator Matt Bartle (R - Kansas City) finally got his wish. His bill that would effectively kill nudy bars in Missouri cleared both houses of the Legislature yesterday.

The bill -- which looked dead earlier this week -- was resurrected after Bartle upbraided his fellow Republicans for betraying their morals.

"I've grown really frustrated with an overwhelming Republican Legislature that tells people we support family values and that we're social conservatives," said Bartle earlier this week. "And we can't get a regulation of the porn industry through the Legislature!?"

The bill passed the Senate 27-4 and the House 118-28 and now heads to Governor Jay Nixon's desk, where the Democrat is inclined to sign the bill so as not to be attacked by his opponents as being soft on porn.

So, how would Bartle's bill kill the strip-club industry in Missouri? Let us count the ways:

1. The bill bans employees from appearing "nude" inside clubs. (They can appear "semi-nude", though the bill doesn't spell out what "semi-nude" is. Pasties? Underwear? Burkas?)

2. Alcohol cannot be sold, used or consumed on the premise.

3. Strip clubs must close by midnight.

4. Performers must keep at least six feet from patrons at all times and under no condition can touch a customer. (Adios, lap dances!)

Read the bill yourself here and then count your blessings that in St. Louis we're a 15-minute drive away from Sauget.

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