Naked (and Portly) Jogger Being Hunted by Columbia Police
|Stair work is important. Even more than shame.|
But when a fat dude in his late fifties with shoulder-length blonde hair peels off his briefs and goes a-jogging, people call it "second degree sexual misconduct," "class B misdemeanor" and "put away your junk you scary old man."
According to The Maneater, "the naked jogger" was spotted twice last week on Mizzou's east campus, in mid-afternoon. Columbia Police want to nab him. Says CPD spokeswoman Jessie Haden:
"We don't know his motives, and we don't want him to turn dangerous."Oh golly, Daily RFT suspects he's already more than endangered the innocence of dozens of co-eds. We also sincerely wish he properly hydrates during workouts by at least wearing a water-bottle belt.