10 Reasons Your Mall Santa Hates You
2. Keep It Brief: We live in a consumer society. We get that. But the next kid who recites to Santa the entire Toys R' Us catalog, is going to get a lump of coal in his or her stocking. Parents should instruct their kids to provide us with two or three requests, tops.
3. Don't Ask, Don't Tell: Some mall Santas are virtual Chia pets, able to grow an Abominable Snowman's beard in a matter of months. Others of us are not as fortunate. Still, the same rule applies. Regardless of what's happening elsewhere in the world, at the local mall authenticity of Santa's beard remains a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" matter.
|Example of a "Naughty Clause" exception.|
5. No Food (and Wash Your Hands): Do you know how much a Santa suit costs? Well, they aren't cheap and it's not like we Santas have a closet full of them back in the North Pole. So please, no food while on St. Nick's lap. And if your kid has just finished eating a candy cane, wash off those sticky little fingers. Getting peppermint bits out of a fake beard is difficult enough. Getting it out of real whiskers is downright painful.