But now it's time to crown an official winner. You know, Ass Clown of the YEAR! So, without further ado, the nominees of 2010:
Matt Bartle
1. Matt Bartle: The conservative state senator from Kansas City won Ass Clown of the Week twice in the past 12 months. The first victory came in February when he proposed a law to regulate Missouri strip clubs and adult bookstores. His second win came in May when the bill passed to become state law. Bartle's legislation -- now in effect -- prohibits any nudity and alcohol use at Missouri strip clubs (if you can still even call them that) and regulates their operating hours.
John Hill
2. John Hill: As a salesman at luxury car dealership St. Louis Motorsports, John Hill has a pretty sweet gig. It's his job, after all, to know everything there is about exotic Italian sports cars -- such as how to drive them at speeds topping 150 m.p.h. The problem for Hill was that he chose to do his high-speed test drives on Interstate 64 and then post videos of himself committing the traffic crimes on YouTube. Charges of reckless driving followed, as did his Ass Clown nomination and victory.
4. Chad Garrison: A certain blogger (this one) was voted Ass Clown back in July after he dared tonominate an anonymous women for the same Ass Clown title. "Jane Doe" had recently lost a civil suit in St. Louis against Girls Gone Wild in which she sought $5 million for briefly appearing topless in a film without her knowledge or consent. A jury (comprised of seven women and five men) found her claims groundless even though someone pulled her top down to reveal her nipples in the video. The jury said Doe had been dancing and playing for the camera while at a St. Louis nightclub where Girls Gone Wild was filming. "She knew what she was doing," said the jury foreman. Readers of the "celebrity, sex, fashion for women" website Jezebel.com later caught wind that -- based on the jury's findings -- Daily RFT had nominated Doe for Ass Clown and, well, hell hath no fury...
5. Jane Doe: Why not? Since losing her case, Doe and her attorney have been granted a new trial with the a judge agreeing that she could be heard mouthing and saying "no" when asked to remove her top. Here is a picture of Doe revealing her cleavage to the camera right before another woman pulls down her top a few more inches to reveal her nipples. BTW, no complaint or lawsuit has been made against the woman who exposed Jane Doe, even though her identity is known to all parties.
6. Junkie's Bail Bondsmen: Last but certainly not least was the queer tale about these three Ass Clowns:
Shawn Boyer, Kevin Ritrovato and Sean Baker
In June the employees of Junkie's Bail Bonds in Jefferson County were accused of torturing a man who they apprehended for violating parole. The men allegedly took the man to their office where they wiped pepper spray on the his genitals and demanded oral sex. They then gave the victim a warm, wet washcloth to wipe the pepper spray off, but -- according to police -- that only caused the man's pores to open resulting in a burning sensation "15 times" worse than before.
Cast your vote below!
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OMGosh this is all so "Ass Clowned" but the worst is that mother and the professor forcing sex on that poor infant. This story almost made me cry. Those two should not be nominated as Ass Clown. This was much worst then doing something stupid - a baby was involved. I say "Hang Them High" and don't look back. Anyone that could hurt kids, old people, and animals do not deserve jail time.
That fucking slut that pimped out her baby doesn't deserve to be an ass clown nominee. She deserves to be drug behind a car through a cactus bed and thrown into a pit of hungry pigs. Fat fucking bitch.
I'd give Baker oral sex any day, any time!
The RFT should have backed Chad up the first time she got nominated.
I think Chad knows he was right in the first place about Jane Doe.
But if you do that poll you'll certainly have to include an "all of the above" option...
To take nothing away from these worthy contestants, where is Rex S? He spent enough
to get rid of the earnings tax, to pay the earnings tax for a year.
Or, the MUNY Board -for giving control of the great outdoor theater to the Fox.
- John Hill, + Sinquefield.
Nieves, Martin and Blunt all won Ass Clown titles this year. So, they could certainly be write-in candidates. I didn't include them in this edition because I didn't want it to become too political. Though perhaps another contest is in order: "Right-Wing Republican Ass Clown of the Year"
I voted for Matt Bartle.
Other deserving ones: Brian Nieves, Ed Martin, Jim Hoft, Dana Loesch, Dr. Gina Loudon, Roy Blunt, Vicki Hartzler, Cynthia Davis, Billy Long, and Todd Akin.
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