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Totally Uncreative Would-be Kidnapper Actually Asks Kid if He'd "Like Some Candy"

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The tired tools of yesteryear's kidnappers, which apparently some still find effective
Wow, THAT'S all you got, you pathetic cliché of a slimeball?

From KTVI Fox2now (Channel 2): Yesterday morning just before 9 a.m., a little boy scurried inside Avery Elementary School with something urgent to report to teachers: a silver four-door car had just driven by, and a dark-haired and bearded white man inside asked him if he wanted some candy.

The kid wasn't hurt, and the principal warned all the parents, and everything's fine yah yah yah but WAIT A MINUTE. Do you want some candy?

You are effing kidding me.

Congrats, rook: You have somehow managed to debase even further the reputation of unshaven kidnappers everywhere. Question 1: Is there a way you could've put in less effort in plying your trade? Question 2: Maybe you just had the Monday "blahs"? Question 3: Has that approach worked for you before, ever? If so, was it after 1957?


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5 comments
Mike N.
Mike N.

I thought the same thing -- how trite... he should have been driving a black panel van...

STLNEWSMOD
STLNEWSMOD

Stranger danger! Stranger danger!

Handsome Jimmy
Handsome Jimmy

Dude was probably handing out Starlite Mints and Werther Originals.

NP
NP

I wonder how many kidnappings get botched because the kids aren't into a specific candy.

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