Todd Akin Barfs Up Rockwellian Metaphors in U.S. Senate Campaign Video

By Chad Garrison Tue., May 17 2011 at 3:32 PM

Warning: The following video should be viewed in immediate vicinity of a toilet or lined trash receptacle.

If you haven't heard, Missouri Congressman Todd Akin announced today that he's running for Senate. In so doing, Akin released the following video, which is so chock-full of Norman-Rockwell-like metaphors of American wholesomeness, we don't know where to begin.

Pictures of the Founding Fathers, Constitution, U.S. flag and the Bible (all within the first nine seconds)? Check. Cute, white all-American family? Check. Manufacturing and farming scenes? Check. Dark, scary photo of Obama and Pelosi? Check. More American flags? Check. Photos with vets? Check. Ridiculous B-roll of Akin looking hard at work? Check. Not-so-subtle picture of man and women defending marriage? Check. Token minority? Check.

We especially love how Akin is at the train station to greet his son returning from military duty overseas. Is this 2011 or 1945?

Also, do you think Akin's staff notified the makers of Celebrex, Flomax, Viagra and Lipitor before stealing their actors for this video?

H/T to a friendly source who sent us the video with a running commentary.

Tags:

Todd Akin, U.S. Senate, video

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Maxcorkle

Chad---nice job. It's great to see the RFT is constantly reinforcing the ideals that made America great. I'm sure you know the one's I mean but in case you need a reminder let's just list a few. The Soviet Council of People's Commissars, the Politburo, the Sickle & Hammer and Das Capital? CHECK. Starving, helpless illegal Mexican family? CHECK. More illegal helpless Mexicans crossing our border to take American manufacturing and farming jobs? CHECK. Illustrations of Republicans as Nazis? CHECK. More flags of the Glorious People's Republic? CHECK. Photos with helpless oppressed Blacks lining up for government handouts and of course cute snaps with more illegal Mexican immigrants happily enjoying food, education and heath care we pay for that they have no right to get? CHECK. YouTube clips of Obama hard at work planning his next vacation? CHECK. Not-so-subtle picture of two men swapping tongue, on the march defending their right to take it up the ass, while condemning us for being small minded bigots when we object to exposing our families to their perversion? CHECK. Token (illegal) Mexican minority? (there are a lot of them you know)? CHECK. Yes all-in-all Chad, you should be quite pleased with the bilge you pump out.

It shows real class and reflects your true appreciation for being raised in the only country in the world that offers you unlimited freedom and opportunity.

I've met people from Russia, Poland, Italy, and Vietnam who are proud of their ethnicity. But when I ask if they'd ever move back to their homelands, most of them look at me like I'm crazy. Maybe you should spend a little time interviewing these immigrants too and see why they feel that way. Is it possible you might learn something? Maybe. But is it more likely that you will learn nothing and understand even less? CHECK.

anonymous

you are quite obviously a small-minded bigot

Maxcorkle

Of course I am. Anyone who espouses common sense and moral values today must therefore be a bigot. Whereas you must be one of those open-minded, non-judgmental, liberals who feel everyone has a right to express their opinions. Not.

Willhunt17

"not" jokes hilarious and topical!

Also, I think you have illegal and immoral mixed up. There's nothing immoral about immigrants coming to the US (pretty sure that "Jesus" character would agree).