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Ten Biggest Douchebags of the Summer of 2011

What a long, hot summer it's been! Between pantless parties and dumbshits contracting deadly diseases whilst eating live crayfish, frankly, we're feeling tired and a little bit hungover. We're ready for fall!

In anticipation of Labor Day, and in hopes of putting the summer of 2011 in the rearview mirror, we compiled a list of the ten biggest douchebags who made headlines in St. Louis in the summer of 2011. Feel free to argue with our selections or suggest a few of your own; this is a big city, after all, and the place is crawling with potential nominees.

10. LaRon Williams

Laron Williams.jpg
LaRon Williams: Choked his girlfriend and locked her in a dog kennel.
​This prince of a man was found guilty in July of savagely attacking his girlfriend. Prosecutors allege that he beat her, choked her, tied her up, shut her up in a dog kennel and (she feared) nearly lit it on fire.

And, when the woman's dog came to her aid, Williams allegedly picked up the 75-pound pooch and whipped it across the room into an entertainment center.

Bonus: Williams had previously been convicted for trying to bribe a court clerk with a six-pack of Budweiser Select. He also threatened to release a sex tape featuring his girlfriend if she dared to press charges against him.

Here's hoping he rots in prison for a very long time.

9. Timothy Jones

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for timothy jones.jpg
Timothy Jones: Traded a get-out-of-jail-free card for sex.
​Jones, a police officer in Country Club Hills, apparently had some difficulty luring women into the sack the conventional, non-slimy way. (You know: candy, booze, charm.) So he resorted to using his position to seal the deal. Jones was charged last month in St. Louis County with "acceding to corruption by a public servant" -- basically, offering to let a drunk driver off the hook if she had sex with him.

The worst part: Some poor drunk girl actually acquiesced. Can you say "beer goggles"?

8. Keith Conway

keith conway 2.jpg
Keith Conway stole from one of the county's poorest towns.
​As mayor of suburban Kinloch, Keith Conway presided over one of the poorest small towns in St. Louis County for more than a decade. But rather than help the people who elected him, Conway has now admitted that, in 2009, he began helping himself to Kinloch's already meager resources.

In court last month, Conway admitted to stealing at least $34,905 from the historically black municipality. He used the money to finance Caribbean vacations, pay for DirecTV, even pay his back taxes on an IRS-sponsored website.

When busted, Conway failed to see the error of his ways. Just hours after he was released on bond and agreed in court not contact the witnesses against him, he raced over to City Hall and began browbeating members of the board of aldermen -- who were, yes, witnesses in the case -- to listen to his version of events. He also began photocopying city documents to aid in his defense. He's now pled guilty to all three counts against him, including one added after the initial indictment charging him with witness tampering. We can hardly wait for his sentencing in November.

7. Kevin T. Malone

kevin-malone-metro-east.jpg
Kevin T. Malone: winning
​Most adults know not to sink to the level of teenagers. But this upstanding citizen -- a member of the board of review for St. Clair County -- showed his true colors when confronted with a mouthy youth. Kevin T. Malone, 51, claims that a fourteen-year-old black kid asked him to step into the street and called him a "white man."

But rather than ignore the teen, Malone fired back with the n-word and punched the kid in the face. Even after the police showed up, Malone kept firing off racial slurs. He also threatened to have the cop fired for daring to stop his assault. Now he's been charged with a hate crime.

6. Ryan and Caroline Waldo

Ferret lovers everywhere were up in arms when Daily RFT reported in January that Ryan and Carrie Waldo's pet ferret had eaten seven of their infant's fingers. What bloodthirsty beasts! What a cruel world!

Good news for the ferret crowd: In June, the cops provided more information, and it suggested that the problem wasn't so much a hungry rodent as a pair of neglectful parents. Turns out the Waldos were actually texting each other from different locations while their poor babe was being munched on by the family pet. Neither was home -- and so they've now been charged with endangering the welfare of a child.

As for the ferret, he was killed after his little snack. And so we're thinking the Waldos should be on the hook for cruelty to an animal, too: If you're gonna have a rodent for a pet, don't leave it alone for hours with a tempting treat and expect it not to munch away. That's just cruel.


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44 comments
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nobody
nobody

ferrets are NOT rodents... 

Veronica Steele
Veronica Steele

Wow, this is really tragic, prayers going up now for the victims of all this hate.

FREEJOEYG
FREEJOEYG

The reason gamache didn't hurt anyone is because he was defending himself and friends. Including a 2year old boy from being stabbed by one of these kids that everyone seems to think is so "innocent" we were at a birthday party of a friends children while these kids just sat outside harassing us everytime we went outside over the period of nearly 2 hours. There were kids calling him a Honky and a cracker but none of this seemed to have made your biased story. And for the record he is not covered in aryan taMaryanne, another example of media lies.The truth will be heard and I hope all of you realize you're feeding fuel to a useless fire. Say what u want about him or me, but he has a good heart and he is the love of my life. I stand beside him in this horrible case of misjustice.

FREEJOEYG
FREEJOEYG

And also he never swung the axe at anyone

Vox
Vox

To me anyone that is either jewish or black belongs on the list

Bert Frink
Bert Frink

Yoko Cullen was my Grandma in law. What this had done to my family is beyond comprehension. I say my family because I lost my parents, and Grandparents many years ago.  Now I'm not the best guy in the world, and I have plenty of faults. This family has always accepted me, faults and all. So I don't buy into the whole "everything happens for a reason" and "What comes around goes around"  bull s**t". There was nothing wrong! There was no negative karma that should have come back around to us! The people that did this to Grandma, have robbed the woman I love, of more emotion than any human being should have to ever go without. They have taken part of her soul. Part of the gleam in her her eyes that I so adore. Yes, they are the biggest douche-bags of the summer, and of the rest of our lives for that matter. Thank you for keeping Yoko Cullen's  spirit alive through your remembrance of her. True justice will never be served, ever!

LeeA_G
LeeA_G

The Cullen Family were my neighbors for as many years as I can remember. Mrs Cullen was like a 2nd mother to me. The Gagens, Cullen and Graves kids were always together and when one family bbq'ed it turned into a neighborhood party. Ah! the good memories that this brings. And those douchebags deserve what they get A long time in the big house because they will all become B******. Don't drop the soap.

KITTY
KITTY

Obama may not have been born in kenya, but his whole family was...just look at his monkey uncle arrested last week in Boston, another illegal immigrant from the Obama family tree...his crazy aunt was arrested last year for being here illegally as well..they gave the bitch asylum. Obama is just one generation away from being a jungle bunny..and then there is his evil bitch wife who is one generation away from the ghetto.

wiseguy
wiseguy

Welllll KITTY, I hate to tell you this but your disgusting! I haven't heard he term "Jungle Bunny" since the 60's.Obama with 4 yrs. experience knew nothing and never had a chance, everyone who watches, reads, or listens to anything other than Fox, MSNBC, and CNN knew his plans would never work, he was a Senator for the most corrupt state in the union not to mention brokest state! His wifes college thesis was about spending her life seeking retribution for blacks for 400 yrs. of oppression, their pastor, the Rev. who married them, was obviously as racist as you are, and he had proven ties to Chicago mobsters/criminals! YET over 50% of the voters(lets face it, mostly white) were duped into voting for him or voted because the GOP candidates were equally lame! That says a lot for the intelligence of the American voters! WHo cares about his uncles and aunts or his color, the fact that he is a incompetent socialist is enough for me, his agenda is fine with him because it doesn't apply to him!This economy goes way way back to Carter, lets not lay it on the GOP alone, even though I did really well during the Clinton economy(or false economy) my friends and I often talked about the resulting effects when the .com bubble finally busted, it did and Bush managed to stave off a major recession thanks to Al Queda, but now it's here and it's going to get a LOT worse before it gets better, in fact it will Never get better, we will adjust and appreciate what we have, the little things like post depression Americans did, how many of you could exist if gas went to $10 a gal next week and groceries keep rising? Eventually a great politician will come along and we will follow him like sheep until the next generation of greedy politicians come along and create the next debacle.Enjoy this recession, I will because I spent 14 yrs preparing for it, I don't listen to politicians or biased news channels, I use a mixture of common sense and education!

SMDrPepper
SMDrPepper

Oh I see, your just a racist tea bagger.  Okay, no more need to feed the troll.

Adlsslt
Adlsslt

I'm not a racist tea-bagger. I just call a spade a spade!

Wal do
Wal do

You know, I'm glad you pointed out that the real criminal in the ferret case is the negligent parents.  However, please fact check yourselves.  Ferrets aren't rodents, they're mustelids.  You make that mistake more than once in the piece.

wiseguy
wiseguy

Far more Democrats have been arrested for major crimes than Republicans, do a little research before you speak! (not that any of them are trustworthy)If it was a top twenty some of the RFT staff would have made it for ineptitude, who ranks a racist higher than a child molester and murderers on a scumbag list! Careful RFT, any more left and you will fall of the edge.

KITTY
KITTY

Wiseguy: You shouldn't be suprised at the liberal and biased policies of the RFT. After all, they follow the party line like the overwhelming majority of the media that licked Obama's ass and kissed his feet and gave him all the very positive reporting that duped the American voters to swallow their bullshit hook, line and sinker. And look what we ended up with: A socialist bastard from Kenya who is bent on destroying America as we know it.Just chill, for in November 2012 the American voters will do a complete about face and send the son of a bitch packing back to Chicago. When that happens it will interesting to see what the RFT and its democratic minions will write about. But people like you and I will have a field day in rubbing a GOP victory in their liberal noses. In the mean time I will continue to bash the Carnahans, the sleaziest of all Missouri politicans. If the public only knew what I know.....sorry I can't write all the details. I've been sworn to secrecy.

smoker
smoker

I think KITTY is full of SHITTY!

SMDrPepper
SMDrPepper

President Obama was never from Kenya.  That was a conspiracy theory.  And last I checked, it was the repubs that ruined the country and making sure to throw up road blocks to prevent Obama from ever repairing it.Such selective memories you tea baggers have.  Enjoy your lunatic candidates while they still exist.  I think the American people are far more rational than to elect someone THAT batshit.

Julia33
Julia33

Let me know when you return from fantasy land.

MLKisamonkey
MLKisamonkey

kudos to jospeh gamache.

more people need to step up and try and kill naggers

ihatesuburbs
ihatesuburbs

Must not be a clan meeting today so Goober Pyle weighs in on those interwebs! White trash get down on your knees, time for cake and sodomy. Now go bugger your country-fried porky toothless sister you inbred backwoods moonshine swilling beverly hillbillies piece of pig shit cracker. 

wiseguy
wiseguy

I would prefer they target idiots like you!

KITTY
KITTY

And speaking of douche bags: A woman walks into a tavern and sits at the bar. A man also sitting there says "Bartender give that old douche a drink compliments of me." The bartender says "It's shameful you called that lady a douche bag. Apologize to her or I won't serve you another drink."  The man apologizes and says "give that nice lady a drink, compliments of me." The bartender says "What can I get you, mam?"  The woman replies, "Give me a vinegar and water!"

KITTY
KITTY

It's too bad Chad sensored #'s 11-15 which were about:

Robin Who-Never Douches-Carnahan

Russ The-Village-Idiot-Born-Of-A Douche-Bag Caranahan

Tammy The-Pantieless-Douche-Bag-Chapman

Poor Peter-Who-Was-Treated-Worse-Than-An-Empty-Douche-Bag Kinder and

The Hoosier-Wanna-Be-Douch-Bag Chris Klein who tried to douche himself while swimming in the River Des Peres.

Clancy
Clancy

Wow I didnt know that the moterh of the child found in a trash bin was charged with the murder. What a horrible human being..

Mission
Mission

Are you saying that these aren't tea/gop party candidates? I could have sworn I've seen some of them around the Saint Charles area.

loki03xlh
loki03xlh

I think you got the rankings wrong.  To me, the child molesters and child killers are the worst.

LeeA_G
LeeA_G

You definitely got the ratings right RFT. All of them are dirt bags, scumbags, scum of the earth But the three that killed my friends mother and the woman that I truly loved and cared about are the worst. The words that I want to use I can't but here goes ******* ******* ******* ********* ******* ******** and ****** and to you Mr. Quinn stick it in your **** ear for getting rid of the death penalty now the murders rapist etc will have no incentive because they will get away with it by spending the rest of their miserable lives in jail at the tax payers expense.

SMDrPepper
SMDrPepper

And still Leonardo Drisdel has yet to go to court after he murdered my friend almost a decade ago.

Janet Cullen
Janet Cullen

What? A decade? How can that happen? I pray that my mom's case will go by quicker. My mom and her family deserves that much! "F" the scumbags that murdered her. They will be judged by someone higher than the courts. :)

Janet Cullen
Janet Cullen

Why just child molesters and child killers??? My mom was the 85 year old who was murdered by the #1 Douchebags of 2011. Sorry, but the rankings are right!!!!

Tanya Brown
Tanya Brown

I'm the eldest granddaughter of murder victim YOKO Cullen. And while my family and I are not taking away from how disgusting child molesters and murderers are, we do feel the gravity of her case is worthy of the number one spot. But trust, if I had my way, anyone who could harm a child in any way, shape, or form are most definitely the skum of the earth. That's why we should all look at the physically vulnerable so that maybe we can make it just slightly harder for these "douche bags" to shatter the worlds of the people left behind to pick up the pieces.

Janet Cullen
Janet Cullen

Thank you, Mntvernon. It sickens me how anyone would or could do that to anyone. These scumbags are truly monsters, and will be locked up as such. I hope my mom will live in the memories of her family, friends, and strangers. She is now in a better place.

Mntvernon
Mntvernon

Mrs. Cullen, my condolences for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain these criminals inflicted on your grandmother and the anguish upon those she loved and loved her.Little solace these upstanding citizens are spared the well deserved fate suffered by your grandmother.While society is denied just retribution of the death penalty, I'm sure a jury will award the full measure allowed by law and consign these low-lifes to an existence in a cage. Though alive, their endless days will be filled with unwavering routine, insipid meals, etc. until they too, will draw their last breath.Then, even the most staid agnosic or atheistic among us would hope, then, they'd stand for final judgement and receive their just reward.     

Walkslow61
Walkslow61

I'll nod to that brother. Solid.

Bert Frink
Bert Frink

 Yoko Cullen was my Grandma in law. What this had done to my family is beyond comprehension. I say my family because I lost my parents, and Grandparents many years ago.  Now I'm not the best guy in the world, and I have plenty of faults. This family has always accepted me, faults and all. So I don't buy into the whole "everything happens for a reason" and "What comes around goes around"  bull s**t". There was nothing wrong! There was no negative karma that should have come back around to us! The people that did this to Grandma, have robbed the woman I love, of more emotion than any human being should have to ever go without. They have taken part of her soul. Part of the gleam in her her eyes that I so adore. Yes, they are the biggest douche-bags of the summer, and of the rest of our lives for that matter. Thank you for keeping Yoko Cullen's  spirit alive through your remembrance of her. True justice will never be served, ever!

SMDrPepper
SMDrPepper

Damn, these people are real scumbags.  Reminds me of some of the repub candidates.

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