High Drama as Pujols Arrives at Spring Training

Categories: Baseball, Media

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Albert hath arrived!
​We journalists pride ourselves on our skill at descriptive writing. It shows that we are poets, not mere hacks. Sometimes we do a pretty good job. Sometimes we get carried away.

A fine example of the latter is a very brief story from the Associated Press (239 words total) about Albert Pujols' early arrival at the Angels' spring training camp in Tempe, Arizona.

Paragraph two begins, "Just as the sun was illuminating the Angels' facility, Pujols pulled his black Mercedes into the players' lot. Clutching a bag with some of his belongings, the three-time NL MVP headed to the clubhouse to meet his new teammates."

Reads just like the beginning of a novel, doesn't it? Too bad there's nothing more to report than that Pujols met the equipment manager, too, that he hugged Angels' owner Arte Moreno at approximately 9:20 a.m. Mountain Time (that's what we call "in-depth reporting") and would be holding a press conference after practice. Such effort expended for so little results! Unless, of course, you were actually wondering if Pujols would make it to Tempe after all.

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Can anyone explain why baseball has been predominantly outsourced to 3rd World Shitholes to guys that when they're on teevee all you hear is: "dablah dablah dablah n da nez day dablah dablah" It's like take the fucking marbles out of your mouth wetback and speak up!

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