St. Louis City: Fat, Drunk, VD-Ridden and Unhappy, but Still Loveable

mr creosote.jpg
Every great St. Louis evening begins and ends with a meal.
The University of Wisconsin Population Health Institute and the Robert Wood Johnson  Foundation released its County Health Rankings and Roadmaps report, and it paints a very unflattering portrait of St. Louis City residents. For the third year running, STL proper is the least healthy place to live in Missouri according to the report.

You can examine the data for the state here, and the categorical breakout for the City is here. Let's discuss that data further after the jump.

The two fields that are most interesting in the city data are the first and the third, which show what St. Louis City scored, and what the National Benchmark is. Comparing these two columns reveals that City residents notched almost double the national benchmark for Poor Physical Health Days (4.0 days in the past 30 days as compared to 2.6 in the same time frame) and in Poor Mental Health Days (4.1 days as compared to 2.3 days).

From there, it gets worse. We smoke twice as much as the national rate (27 percent compared to 14 percent).  Our drinking rate is almost two-and-a-half times the national benchmark (21 percent of us drink more than 1 drink  (women) or 2 drinks (men) daily  compared to the 8 percent national benchmark). And yes, as we all know, our score in sexually transmitted diseases is sky-high (1,239 cases per 100,000 people, as compared to the benchmark rate of just 84 per 100,000 people). Same goes for murder, too (2,137 per 100,000 people, with 73 per 100,000 people the benchmark).

These are the statistics, and they're bleak. And yet St. Louis doesn't feel bleak. Sure, we have our rough days, but what about the good times? The magical weather we've had the past few weeks brought out the cyclists, the joggers, the power-walkers; I personally played roller hockey till my body ached. That's gotta count for something. And remember when the Cards won the World Series, and we stayed up all night drinking, and smoking and ... um ... getting laid?

OK, so we're fat, drunk and got a scorching case of the syph. I'd rather have a drink and a case of crotch crickets in St. Louis than live a clean life in St. Charles. Now, do you got a light?

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really - the murder rate was 2,137 per 100k people?  I didn't realize the city boasted over 6,000 homicides last year!  

Brad Hicks
Brad Hicks

If St. Louis doesn't feel bleak to you, it's because you don't have enough experience anywhere else. After spending a couple of years traveling the country (and that was BEFORE the Great Recession) I can tell you: this is the City of the Damned, the city that has been slowly but inexorably circling the drain since we got bypassed by the Transcontinental Railroad. Over the decades since 1880 St. Louis has fallen steadily, rung by rung, from being America's 3rd largest and wealthiest city to very nearly dead last.

The brickworks closed when we mined out the fire-brick clay. The tanneries and the shoe factories left ages ago. What few major bank headquarters and investment firm headquarters and tech companies slipped quietly out the door, one by one. We lost almost all of the defense contracting jobs, and with them what little high-tech manufacturing we had, years ago. We lost the auto factories in the slump after the dot-com bubble burst. All but one of the breweries closed decades ago, and now we've lost the headquarters jobs at the last remaining one. St. Louis's outlying counties boast -- BOAST! -- when yet another third-world call center opens up, because St. Louis City doesn't even get those jobs, so they get to feel superior. All St. Louis can point to are its remaining hospitals -- hospitals like Barnes that slipped, over my lifetime, from 2nd best in the nation to below national average.

It doesn't feel bleak because your sense of what qualifies as a good time is just that ghetto -- watch slightly more athletic than you people play a game on TV while you get trashed on booze and fatty no-nutrition food, then have sex with someone as bloated and diseased as you are, and still call your life okay because once in a while you can still afford your soul food and fast food and because there are still garage bands to listen to in the cheap bars on the increasingly rare occasions where you can afford to go out and aren't too sick or too tired or in too much pain. Yes, even if you're a white person from the suburbs or exurbs.

Anybody young enough to start over who doesn't get themselves out of here, to a real city, is a damned fool.

Yes, the rest of us will find what fun we can; there were people who managed to have some fun during the Great Depression, and much of what we now call modern dance got its starts in the underground nightclubs during the Great Inflation during Weimar Germany, and they even had music and comedy (some nights) in the Warsaw Ghetto. Heck, a couple of years before the fall of the Soviet Union, somebody forwarded me some essays about how much fun it was to be part of the "arts scene" in St. Petersburg, Russia, under the communists - there were no real jobs, everybody was hungry and sick all the time, but there was still fun to be had! The poorest, sickest, most tired and crippled people on earth still have humor, music, sex, and intoxicants, the four pleasures that can't really be taken away from you. But it's no way to live.


One always has to be careful where they put their hands in the Metro region such as handrails, doorknobs etc. being mindful of the skanky whores and negros that have left behind their VD specks. Especially the negros that are grateful for having two hands, one on their waistband to hold up their pants and the other to use to fondle their genitals.


A composite description of a north st. louis male:

A fat sagger laying around smokin a blunt, chuggin a 40 ouncer while getting clap from a nasty ho who then caps his ass for cumming on her dreads.

A composite description of a Jefferson county male:

An obese retarded hoosier layin around smokin meth, chuggin Mad Dog 20 20 while gettin laid by his toothless  sister who shoots him for giving her NSU and another baby who looks like the family pit bull. By they way, if a man and woman in Jefferson county get a divorce they can still be brother and sister.

Mike N.
Mike N.

HA, as soon as I clicked on the comments link I KNEW it was going to be KITTY.  If there is anyone who embodies 'fat drunk and stupid' it's KITTY.  However the 'still loveable' part definately doesn't resemble KITTY.


Aw, trash and bash Kitty all you want. I don't lose sleep thinking about you or anyone's  elses comments. I get satisfaction enough knowing you read my comments whether you like them or not. And i apologize, Mike. I didn't realize you are from Jefferson county.

Master Yoda
Master Yoda

St. Louis has a thriving microbrew market. We are not all Hoosiers like you, sir!

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