Rams' Proposal for Edward Jones Dome Revealed

kronke in pinstripes.jpg
Dome plan allegedly inspired by Kroenke's own.
Today Attorney General Chris Koster is expected to release details of the St. Louis Rams' counter-proposal on how to fix up the Edward Jones Dome -- despite objections from the football team and the Convention and Visitors Commission.

We're not saying who, but someone very close to the negotiations presented Daily RFT this morning with a rendering of the Rams' counter-proposal, outlining the team's requirement that the Edward Jones Dome be equipped with a retractable roof. And, wow! The proposal would make the Dome as unique as its owner, Stanley Kroenke.

Dome 1.jpg

We're told the roof is made of a proprietary fiber developed by Monsanto from a patent owned by Hans Wiemann that mimics the structure of human hair, thus providing coverage and insulation. Each "follicle" is individually anchored in a lightweight yet strong aluminum "skin" that will cover the center of the stadium. This skin can be easily rolled back and stored on opposite ends of the Jones Dome, enhancing the overall aesthetic of the building as a kind of "dressy eyebrows" (fig. 2, below).


The Rams' proposal notes that, "This cover is cost-efficient, environmentally friendly and payable in easy installments. It also anticipates future refurbishments, as it can be easily switched out to change with styles and times."

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Haha.  This is fun because the previous Attorney General routinely sided with special interest pressure groups against the state which he was supposed to defend. Maybe with this new design, they could rename the dome the Hair Club for Men Dome.


Redistribution of the public's wealth by a handful of oligarchs is communism regardless of what pretty name is put on it.

handsome jimmy
handsome jimmy

Upkeep to the exterior will only require a single 55 gallon drum of cheap shampoo/conditioner every month.

pussy sandwich
pussy sandwich

For another $1 million, inclement weather will cause a "lustrous merkin" effect. 

John Holmes' Doppelganger
John Holmes' Doppelganger

At this point, I think the only thing that the CVC can do to restore Kroenke's confidence is to utilize the latest technology from Europe. 


 Or maybe call it the "Red Dome" or maybe the "Bolshevik Dome" in honor of the communists forcing the taxpayers to pay for it all.

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