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How Bare Can You Dare?: Missouri Laws on Public Nudity (NSFW)

8060394.jpeg
Steve Truesdell
World Naked Bike Ride started at Grand St. on Saturday night.
See also:
  • WNBR 2012 slideshow part 1
  • WNBR 2012 slideshow part 2
  • WNBR 2012 part 3 (the thrilling conclusion! hint: everyone's still naked).

    Ah, to feel the wind in your pubic hair. It is a rare treat many enjoyed this weekend at World Naked Bike Ride St. Louis. At least those among us who still have public hair, anyway.

    Wouldn't it be great to bike in the buff all the time? Huh, Mayor Slay? Can we? Please? Laws governing public nudity in Missouri can be pretty hairy. Below, we do our best to give you the basic quick and dirty.

    Boobs
    According to Missouri's booby laws, "the showing of the female breast below a horizontal line across the top of the areola and extending across the width of the breast at such point," is not okay in public.

    8060316.jpeg
    Steve Truesdell
    Questionable boob apparel here, according to Missouri law.
    "Such definition includes the lower portion of the human female breast, but shall not include any portion of the cleavage of the female breasts exhibited by a bikini, dress, blouse, shirt, leotard, or similar wearing apparel provided the areola is not exposed in whole or in part."
    --Missouri Revised Statutes 573.528, Section 12

    Our best translation: regular cleave is fine, but anything south of the nips is not. Side boob is ambiguous. It also seems that if you just wanna show off your lady parts in a bra, fig leaves, or pasties you might not be covered enough for Missouri.

    Special exemption for breast-feeding mothers:

    Notwithstanding any other provision of law to the contrary, a mother may, with as much discretion as possible, breast-feed her child in any public or private location where the mother is otherwise authorized to be.
    --Mo. Rev. Stat. 191.918

    Before you whip 'em out moms, know that Missouri is one of just five states that has not actually exempted breastfeeding from public indecency laws, as one STL county mom learned in 1995.

    8060367.jpeg
    Steve Truesdell
    Both of these men are okay to appear in public.
    Penises
    Just keep telling yourself: don't get an erection in public, don't get an erection in public.

    "Human male genitals in a discernibly turgid state, even if completely and opaquely covered..." ---Mo Rev. Stat. 573.528.16b.

    "Discernibly turgid," eh? Maybe police officers should just visit a high school every time they need to fill their monthly quotas.

    Our best translation: if you have a problem, tuck it into your waist band or run to a bathroom in shame before someone arrests your sick ass.

    There does not appear to be a legal distinction here between balls and shaft. Aw, nuts.

    8060380.jpeg
    Steve Truesdell
    If Missouri did distinguish between balls and shaft, this guy might also be good to go.


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    8 comments
    Steve Mincer
    Steve Mincer

    basically, if you think it's a good idea to be naked in public, you're the absolute WRONG person to be naked in public.

    JamesMadison
    JamesMadison topcommenter

    How far have we come? We still have far to go. The RFT focused on only one aspect to the WNBR. Not even a passing mention to what everyone was protesting. Seems the RFT journalists and editors are still giggling behind the Middle School. Nekkid! hehehe. The three main points are: Wanting oil independence, promote safe bicycle riding for both the cyclist and the motorist, adn finally, yes, body acceptance.

    A casual read of the liberal uptight posters here shows some still think unless you have a perfect Playboy body, you owe it others to keep it hid. Get over it. It is just skin and hair.

    I do wish the RFT would write the article with updates per court cases. that is how the law is governed. Flashing your tits at Mardi Gras is for titillation - illegal. Being naked to enjoy the day - nothing wrong with it. Sure some idiot will call the police to have you arrested, and some idiot police might even arrest you. But does the prosecutor want front page news that it is LEGAL to go naked? No. Charges dropped. RFT report that!

    gentlemensquarters
    gentlemensquarters

    the statutes used as source above are for adult businesses not bike riding in public.

    TheSharperWon
    TheSharperWon

    Whoever would want to look at these stinky, nasty looking, yahoos cavorting and strutting their stuff around the streets of St. Louis, should have their head examined.  Just nasty, plain old nasty!!!

    Kristi Lee
    Kristi Lee

    I'm far from a prude, but this thing just creeps me out. No one wants to see 99% of these people naked. Always comes across as a bunch of creepers wanting to get naked in public and call it a 'political protest.' Hard to take anyone seriously like that. "Hey, y'all, there's gonna be titties everywhere! C'mon!" Maybe I am a prude. Oh well.

    mjkeller568
    mjkeller568

     @TheSharperWon Hate and Jealousy are horrible afflictions to live with the rest of your natural life.  Don't spend your life hating and being jealous.  For Chrissake!  Learn a trade!(And loosen up your sphincter a bit - and read this article, by world traveler Rick Steves, "European Nudes and American Prudes"http://www.ricksteves.com/tms/article.cfm?id=230 

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