IKEA! Why Hast Thou Forsaken Us?
Dear IKEA, 
You bastard! String us along. Tell us how you know we'd make a good market for your crappy furniture stores. Say how flattered you are when we express our love for you on Facebook. And then, what? Shit all over us by announcing you've chosen Kansas City over us!?
Well, well, well. The hell with you. We don't want your stinkin' store. We've got our own furniture retailers. Like Rothman's, and Weekend's Only and Carol House. Yeah, that's right. We like nice things! So take your Chinese-made "Swedish" bookshelves, your trendy bedroom sets, those OMG-they're-so-fabulous (shut up, no!) kitchen accessories and stick them up your ass!
'Cause you know what? We are finished. Put that in your meatballs, and choke on it.
Okay? Call us sometime.
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