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IKEA! Why Hast Thou Forsaken Us?

ikea image 1.jpg
Dear IKEA,
You bastard! String us along. Tell us how you know we'd make a good market for your crappy furniture stores. Say how flattered you are when we express our love for you on Facebook. And then, what? Shit all over us by announcing you've chosen Kansas City over us!?

Well, well, well. The hell with you. We don't want your stinkin' store. We've got our own furniture retailers. Like Rothman's, and Weekend's Only and Carol House. Yeah, that's right. We like nice things! So take your Chinese-made "Swedish" bookshelves, your trendy bedroom sets, those OMG-they're-so-fabulous (shut up, no!) kitchen accessories and stick them up your ass!

'Cause you know what? We are finished. Put that in your meatballs, and choke on it.

Okay? Call us sometime.


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10 comments
lks-den
lks-den

This columnist's article is rude, crude, offensive, boring using:

"bastard, crappy, shit, hell, stinkin', shut up, stick them up your ass". 

George Carlin and Robin Williams used most of these words in a way that is funny and clever.  It  takes more polish to shine up those words to be presentable.

Jason Brock
Jason Brock

They expect 6 states to frequent the Merriam,KS store.

Adam Woehler
Adam Woehler

We were never, ever going to get an Ikea. That's why Ikea says our changes are just as good to get a store now as they were before they announced K.C.

David Goldstick
David Goldstick

We're too close to an existing market in Chicago. KC makes sense, unfortunately.

Dave Edge
Dave Edge

Ikea just likes St. Louis as a friend thought St. Louis only wanted someone to go out drinking with them anyways

NP_DailyRFT
NP_DailyRFT

I'm not upset. Off with you, Ikea. May your product instructions ruin marriages elsewhere. 

stl_gurl
stl_gurl

@justjesslauren Omg!!!! SO TRUE!!!!!!! The RFT never fails me!

_Dagan_
_Dagan_

@RiverfrontTimes I see no need for a store that sells pressed cardboard (overpriced)

stl_gurl
stl_gurl

@justjesslauren I def had a good laugh at it!! MMMMMM Bissingers!!!! Best chocolate in the world!!

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