Top 5 Theories on How the City of Uplands Park "Lost" $90,000

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Don't worry, trustee Iwenofu: We're on the case!
So Uplands Park - the itsy-bitsy county municipality at Natural Bridge and Jennings Station roads - has "lost" $90,000, according to last night's report by Lyndsay Bramson of KMOV Channel 4. 

Sorry - city officials lost $90k? Their polity is the size of Bed, Bath & Beyond. How distracted are these people?

We pondered this for 15 seconds and came up with some hypotheses. Upland Park city officials either:

5. Left it in their Snuggie (which have have pockets now. I know, right?)

4. Blew it on a "fuck-it-all" sugar binge at Cold Stone Creamery.

3.  Matching team jackets for Ride of the Century 2012.

2. Spent it during that weekend in Hot Springs, Arkansas that dare not speak its name.

1. Three words: Dave. &. Busters.

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5 comments
chica2270
chica2270

Downpayment on a secured credit card with a $1000.00 limit.

Purps
Purps

8. 81,818 McDoubles bought

9. 90,000 blowjobs serviced on South Grand

Purps
Purps

6. buried it in a secret quadrant of Todd Akin's forehead

7. let's just say John Knicely's penis-enlargement cream is no longer a garage operation

DoucheMcGee
DoucheMcGee topcommenter

Bad night at the craps table.

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