10 Ways to Console Yourself Now That The Cardinals Have Choked

Categories: Cardinals, Lists

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Just don't paint your face like this guy. It's too pathetic.
So the Cards choked. It happens -- not to the Cards, of course, not usually. But life goes on. The World Series starts tonight, and the rest of the world has already forgotten about us.

1. Gather at Busch Stadium. Bring candles. Sob, "It shoulda been us!" Experience catharsis with your fellow members of Cards Nation. It could be a beautiful bonding experience, almost as much as winning. But just to be safe, might as well bring a friend or two so you don't feel like a total idiot if you're the only one who shows up.

2. Root earnestly for the Tigers. Hey, we beat them back in 2006. And it would only be gracious to show our support for another Rust Belt city that needs a reason to feel cheerful and victorious. Also, Miguel Cabrera won the friggin' Triple Crown. Anyway, it would probably still feel good to hiss in derision every time we have to look at some b-roll footage of the Beautiful City By the Bay and their stupid cable cars.

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The latest candidate for Rally Squirrel, in tiger stripes.
3. Capture the Rally Squirrel and fly to Detroit. (Or, conversely, fly to Detroit and capture yourself a rally squirrel.) At a strategic moment, release squirrel onto the field of Comerica Park.

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