Scenes From the Todd Akin Campaign Watch Party
|Akin bids the crowd farewell.|
And then there they are, all the Akins, including Todd's parents (didja know his father Paul is a World War II vet?). Son Perry makes the introduction: "A man with the courage to stand on his convictions."
"We love you, Todd!" screams someone down in the crowd. Akin waves his arms and smiles.
"Things don't always turn out the way they think you're going to," he begins meditatively. "I just called Claire McCaskill to congratulate her on winning the election."
A small groan makes its way through the ballroom.
"I thank God, who makes no mistakes," Akin continues. "To God goes the honor and the glory. God is the true writer of history."
And so it goes on in rather predictable fashion, the thanking of the campaign workers who stood out in the cold rain to get the vote out and the businesses who risked their reputations by standing with Akin (but who went unnamed) and the good, common people who are the backbone of America. It could just stop there. It would be an almost-gracious speech, except for his failure to compliment his opponent, but then, as has been his wont since August, Akin demonstrates he doesn't know when to leave well enough alone.
"Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness all come from the almighty God," he declares, "not the almighty government. The source of America's strength is faith in God. The world is safe when America is strong."
Then it gets weird(er).
"It's inexcusable to betray your fellow Americans to terrorists when they could've been rescued!" This, for some reason, draws the biggest cheer of the night.
"DC doesn't need more money," Akin proclaims. "It needs more courage!" Examples of courage: Abraham Lincoln signing the Emancipation Proclamation and Ronald Reagan telling Mikhail Gorbachev, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall!" (Truly two stories of equal importance in American history.)
But what it no longer has is Todd Akin.
No sooner than he and his family have left the room, his supporters are pulling on their coats, rounding up their children and preparing to leave.
Don't worry about Todd, though. He's going to be fine.
"When you're that strong of a believer," explains campaign staffer Abram Femyer, "and you truly believe that God's the controller of all man's destinies and the writer of history, and you're one hundred percent certain and absolutely positive His decisions are always right, it's easy to be at peace."
Todd himself had no further comment. As soon as he made his announcement, Tweeted St. Louis Public Radio's Adam Allington, Akin, like Elvis, had left the building.