Chris Carpenter's Five Best On-Field Obscenities

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Pictured: Chris Carpenter
In honor of the (possible), end of Chris Carpenter's time in St. Louis -- not to mention a potentially career-ending situation -- we here at the Riverfront Times thought it was high time we took a look back at all the biggest moments from his tenure here.

No, not his tenure as the staff ace for one of the more successful runs of baseball in Cardinals history, though he was certainly that. We're talking about his tenure here in St. Louis as the scariest, angriest, most intimidating sumbitch there ever has been. The man owned the Busch Stadium mound, and had a lease with option to purchase on your ass. He was also an incredible potty-mouth whose profanities were as hard and nasty as his fastball.

Here are just a few of the highlights...

#5: August 10th, 2010 -- Cardinals at Reds, Carp vs. Cueto

This will forever be remembered for Johnny Cueto's Jean-Claude Van Damme impersonation, and Brandon Philips' whiny little bitches comment that started the whole fracas. The Cardinals and Reds were embroiled in a pennant race, Philips tapped Yadier Molina on the shinguard with his bat, and it was on.

This one really is kind of an honorary inclusion on our list, since Carpenter himself wasn't really even one of the initial instigators of the brawl, but you've got to hand it to the man for getting himself right into the middle of it anyway. Jason LaRue got the worst of Cueto's Rockette show, suffering the concussion that eventually ended his career, but Carpenter took a couple kicks as well, with lacerations all over his back. You know, from the metal spikes Johnny Cueto was kicking people with.

(I have to admit, even if Carpenter can't come back this year, I would like to see him in a game against the Reds, just to throw at Cueto's head every time he came up to the plate.)

Plus, Carp gets inclusion here just for one impossibly brilliant quote I came across while researching this article. When asked later about Cueto resorting to kicks in the on-field brawl, Carpenter said there were, "No excuses," and had the following to say:

"He can say whatever he wants," the pitcher said, "He came in there with intent to do something from the backside."

Funny. Usually when I intend to do something from the backside I end up getting kicked, rather than doing the kicking. Maybe I'm doing it wrong.

Up next: Carp goes bonkers on Mike Napoli, a.k.a. that "piece of shit."

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1 comments
Bill Hamm
Bill Hamm

gotta appreciate a guy who took Bob Gibson lessons.

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