St. Louis Rules, Kansas City Drools: A Response to the Kansas City Star

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Kansas City
Here at RFT, we did a double take when we stumbled on a Kansas City Star headline this week that read, "KC is rising while St. Louis keeps falling." Then we actually read the column by Yael T. Abouhalkah, who argues that "Kansas City is superior to St. Louis."

Really?

We can't let this one go.

If you picture the nation's highway system as a vast system of pipes, Kansas City is the large grate on the storm drain that catches every dead body and piece of excrement that's trying to head west. Everybody who lives in the city proper was seemingly on their way to Colorado or California, but something happened and now they're stuck there.

Speaking of rivers of human excrement, your "fancy" Plaza shopping district is bifurcated by Brush Creek, which is really just storm sewer overflow.

And yet you widened it and now charge tourists to take gondola rides. On a shit river.

See also:
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- The Kansas City Chiefs Have Disappointed a Fan to Death
- To The Asshole Who Sat Behind Me At the Springsteen Show in Kansas City
- Why Are Hate Crimes Nineteen Times More Likely in Kansas City Than St. Louis?

The Kansas City Art Institute is one of the most densely populated hipster preserves outside of Brooklyn, and yet the city won't issue hunting permits so the herd can be thinned.

Midtown Kansas City is a bastion of tolerance and diversity, with a solid mix of black, white, Hispanic, straight, gay, what-have-you people all living their various lives side by side. Everything outside of that twenty-block enclave is a nightmarish world of redneck meth-head zombie carpetbaggers paler than a mayonnaise blizzard.

David Glass continues to own the Kansas City Royals, much the same way Hitler owns the toothbrush mustache.

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The Kansas City Star apparently still thinks it has God on its Editorial Board, what with the Bible quotes on its editorial page.

Who edits God's copy?

The airport features three separate terminals housed in three separate buildings all on the same property, and it's so far out of the way it may as well be in Nebraska, which, by the way, is way cooler than Kansas City.

It has some of the greatest Mexican food outside of Mexico (Rudy's Tenampa Taqueria FTMFW), and yet all anybody talks about is barbecue. SCREW YO' WEAK-ASS BBQ, KC!

It stole its name from it's better-looking, safer, cleaner and better-smelling twin sister, Kansas City, Kansas, but tries to play it off like nobody knows the difference.

Your greatest literary achievement is professional doggerel typist Calvin Trillin, not Ernest Hemingway. Papa was a terse, drunken asshole, and even he couldn't stand you, KC, so he left.

Your pizza is universally insipid and uninspired, perfectly representing the city. Minsky's on 39th is the only exception.

And one more thing -- you once had a professional soccer team named the Wiz.

Your move, KC Star.

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142 comments
althogar
althogar

Ok, I live in KC.  First of all, even though he is a good liberal, Yael is an idiot and anyone who reads the Star understands that; however, there is definitely an inferiority complex.  People in KC are jealous of the MetroLink, the Arch and riverfront, the Cardinals, and Wash U.  Even jealous of the Rams, who won a Super Bowl since the last time the Chiefs won a playoff game.  We'll never be St. Louis and we shouldn't try to be.  I like living in KC just fine, but I don't understand this one-sided "rivalry."  

jmandeville2012
jmandeville2012

I could not care less about this "controversy" or "rivalry" or whatever it is, but I do care about writing.  And this "article" is absolutely, wretchedly bad.  If using the word "shit" a lot is supposed to make this sound tough & hard-hitting & telling-it-like-it-is, or is designed to provoke laughter - again, it fails dismally,

bigshow8891
bigshow8891

STL has the arch, white castle, and downtown stadiums. Besides that I like everything else about KC better. Not one word of this article is true except for the Mexican food being better. You can tell he has no credibility when he refers to KCK as the "safer, cleaner, better-smelling twin sister". Oh well got a good laugh anyway, but seriously St. Louis could at least try to do better than this guy if they want to bash KC.

Laura Dee
Laura Dee

Totally off topic, but I'm looking at the skyline in the photo above and thinking I'll be really sad if they tear down the Clarion-- I mean-- The Millennium Hotel. It's one of the more unique features on our horizon and it'd be really empty without it. I hope they'd at least consider gutting the tower and demolishing the lower half to put in a modern addition.

KillTheWiseOne
KillTheWiseOne

Hah. This article gave me a good laugh. The writing style is perfectly tongue-in-cheek with the unconventional and unprofessional comments used, that sound a bit ridiculous tbh, but let's hope that some inspired people don't take this too far into city-warfare, and instead just enjoy the good humor behind it.

Torry Riester
Torry Riester

Everybody calm dowm. Being from Stl I read all kinds of rabble rousing articles from the solid and insightful RFT. It's obvious that this piece (like the Star piece) was just meant to churn up some civic sentiment- get people to feel some pride. Also, I've been to KC, and it's... uh... nice.

Mark Domyan
Mark Domyan

People in KC despise people from this side of the state. And the people from the Kansas side despise those from the KC Missouri side. It's stupid but it exists. I beleive it is primarily over sports teams but tax allocation is a big part as well.

Stl FloorlayersInc
Stl FloorlayersInc

Been to KC for work several times...never found it very interesting.

D.c. Small
D.c. Small

I live in StL, and I"m not from the Midwest or Missouri at all. But KC has more culture and nightlife. The only thing StL beats KC in is sports.

Dianne White
Dianne White

Couldn't agree more, Angela! I grew up in St. Louis, living in KC, and planning on heading west soon! I can appreciate a little cross-state rivalry however I did not find this article a fun read. It's just down right bashing KC. Why? Both cities have their pros and their cons, as do all cities. And don't mess with Sporting KC/KC Wizards, MLS Champions!

Angela Wilson Hicks
Angela Wilson Hicks

Bleh. Who cares. I'm from KC and live in STL. Both have pros and cons, not worth arguing over. It's still the midwest for Christ sake.

Jason Robertson
Jason Robertson

As a transplant with lots of family in the KC area I'm generally a fan of Kansas City although I find a lot to appreciate about St Louis and am glad I live in this fine Metro. But I will say KC is much more welcoming to transplants and must place a higher emphasis on higher education since they seem much less concerned about where everybody spent their High School Years.

KcGuy1224
KcGuy1224

Being formerly from St. Louis and having lived in Kansas City for the past 15 years, I love Kansas City. I'm not going to bash St. Louis like some people are bashing KC. I take offense to the reference of people living just outside of KC being "redneck meth-heads". That is a very generalized statement and rather ignorant since the author probably has never visited anywhere outside of the KC area. It would be the same thing as people who live in other states thinking Missouri is nothing but a "Cowtown".

Justin Poole
Justin Poole

Perhaps you should all stop being butthurt sissies who take everything far too seriously

George Cameron
George Cameron

Exactly, Jeremy Reuschling. This sort of thing is tasteless and disrespectful and adds nothing to intelligent discourse. The RFT's worst headlines are almost always blogs...perhaps they should start vetting their blogs a little better.

Jim Phillips
Jim Phillips

Being from outstate Missouri, I love both cities and they are DIFFERENT. I am a Cardinal and a Chief fan. Hey, can't we all just get along?

Jeremy Reuschling
Jeremy Reuschling

Wow, so I live in KC and honestly find it a great place to live. Have been to STL many times and enjoy that city as well. Perhaps everyone needs to go back to the golden rule, if you don't have anything nice to say...you shouldn't say anything at all.

Riverfront Times
Riverfront Times

New content always is available at riverfronttimes.com, including posts from all of our blogs plus most items from the weekly print edition. We repost items to Facebook for readers who watch our feed at different times of the day or when it's relevant to what's being discussed in various forums. Thanks for the comment!

Margaret Lamprich Metzing
Margaret Lamprich Metzing

So the RFT wages war on Kansas City on behalf of all of St Louis? Good call RFT, after you stopped printing Savage Love it's not like anyone cares anyway.

Eric Reed
Eric Reed

KC BBQ is heavily over-rated. They don't even have pork steak.

KIngg Gongg
KIngg Gongg

KC had Sean Malto chiefs we the Lou have birds blues

David Biernbaum
David Biernbaum

The two cities couldn't be more different. St. Louis has a lot more of an eastern midwest flavor, while KC has more a western-midwest flavor. St. Louis is pasta. K.C. is bbq. St. Louis is hockey in the winter. K.C. is rodeo and tractor pulls.

Alex Carlson
Alex Carlson

These reposts of old stories are getting ridiculous. I understand you have to get yourself in front of our eyes in order to generate clicks, but it needs to be new content, not the same stuff over and over. I want to follow the RFT here, I really do, but it's getting to the point that I'm considering dropping you for all this ICYMI nonsense.

Steve Van Booven
Steve Van Booven

St. Louis and KC fight about who is better.... rest of the world laughs and continues about with their daily life. When will it end?

Doug Tull
Doug Tull

I like both cities. I think Kansas City is a bit more vibrant and west coast, while St Louis has better sports teams and feels more like the east coast.

Kirsten Mary
Kirsten Mary

Lol. I can't stand Kansas City. Mainly people from there.

KC_to_StL
KC_to_StL

First of all, as a Kansas Citian, let me explain that I and many other Kansas Citians don't like a LOT that Yael writes in the Star. (He's a petty Jayhawk who has totally invalid and overly emotional thoughts about Mizzou's move to the SEC, for example.)

But what bothers me most is how Kansas Citians and St. Louisans are so hateful to each other when, in my opinion, we have the best of both worlds in the same state. An Eastern city, a Western city. NFL, MLB, MLS (yes, its in Kansas, but only because it's a suburb of Missouri), and the NHL. Great museums, art galleries, restaurants, shopping, history, neighborhoods, corporations. There's no way to objectively determine which city is "better". Why not celebrate both?

ThatsMyTattooo
ThatsMyTattooo

This just gave my family in KC and I something to argue about, in jest of course! Love both cities, both have their pros/cons, as do all! 

GEORGEBRETTFUCKYEAH
GEORGEBRETTFUCKYEAH

Every Kansas Citian knows that Minsky's on 39th Street closed nearly three months ago. Also, for a fact, I can say that the Kansas City, Kansas side of town is absolutely NOT "better-looking, safer, cleaner and better-smelling". McMansions and a Nascar track sure are expensive, but that doesn't make it a nicer part of town.

Saffire Media
Saffire Media

Want to learn about the history of Germans in St. Louis? Check out author Jim Merkel who will be discussing his book "Beer, Brats, and Baseball" at the McClay Branch of the St. Charles City-County Library, 7 p.m. to 8:30 p.m., Wednesday, March 13. Copies of the book will be available for signing for $21.50 each.

Niki Morales
Niki Morales

I'm not a fan of KC. But enough people dismiss both cities and "flyover states". We don't need to do it to each other. Maybe put this challenge up: write an article singing their praises and see if they will be kind enough to support us in return.

Travis Holmes
Travis Holmes

St. Louis, because that's my city. I've been to KC more times than I can count. All they got on STL is barbecue, and even that's up for debate. Oooh we're Kansas City, we got fountains. You also have the Royals. I rest my case.

onedeadkennedy
onedeadkennedy

You can tell how equally useless both are by reading the comments, I'm just hoping I don't get stuck in KC on my way to Colorado. XD

onceremoved
onceremoved

As a journalist and Missouri-born, bred, and educated reader, the Star article, while maybe not to the liking of St. Louisians (is that it?) was relatively fair and balanced, it was founded in research and fact, rather than angry rebukes that, regardless of my feeling on each item, are nothing if not subjective. I am all right with this low-browed and rather insulting to St. Louis' actual good quality response, because RFT, like most Voice publications lean toward humorists rather than journalists. And I do enjoy it! Snark and sass is fun and engenders a lot of responses and boosts page views and rallies your home readership to your back like a gaggle of frat boys behind a friend who was just called a douche at the bar. But, truly, there is slim to nil chance The Star will respond. Maybe the Pitch would be happy to lower itself to the level of this debate. I smiled while reading this and am basically ambivalent to your content minus this: Your assertion that KC, MO stole its name from a larger, safer, cleaner or better KC, KS is pure factual inaccuracy. The suburbs that extend to the west of the city qualify for those adjectives but the section of the city itself (which was named for the native tribe in the area well before the state of Kansas existed, the line of which bisected the already standing city that was in the already standing state of MO) that you refer to is anything but clean, safe and appealing. It is a base of low-income residents with a rickety school system and an overworked social services system that goes along with those two features. If you want to shit talk (and please, do!) at least do so in an educated manner. Thanks!

MoRage
MoRage

Yeah, well, the original article actually had statistics in it but you have to ignore them, huh?

Oh, and St. Louis?  In the top 20 of "Worst-Run Cities" list? 

http://247wallst.com/2013/01/15/the-best-and-worst-run-cities-in-america/4/

And it doesn't stop there:

http://images.businessweek.com/ss/09/02/0226_miserable_cities/3.htm

http://stlouis.cbslocal.com/2012/06/14/st-louis-ranked-3rd-on-most-dangerous-cities-list/

http://www.forbes.com/sites/danielfisher/2012/10/18/detroit-tops-the-2012-list-of-americas-most-dangerous-cities/

We can't fight how great your city once was but for what it is now?  Please.

Yes, we have our problems in Kansas City, sure, but we'll take--and keep--it, thanks. Let's not get into a further pissing match about the two cities.  You have far more history, naturally, and the Cardinals will always beat the Royals but let's get over it.

Mo Rage, the blog

phillip.ransburg
phillip.ransburg

Hmmm, thats interesting. Try Vacationing in KC instead. I've been to stl for business and vacation just to get away from KC, and lets just say, STL sucks...everything is spread out. 6 flags is a joke (Worlds of Fun in KC is so much better) and the roads in STL are just Gawd Awful. STL downtown is a deserted area compared to the Power and Light District in KC. Yeah...STL, not very interesting. 

itprojoe2012
itprojoe2012

I don't know if you know or not...but the high school question is a polite way of trying to find out where you are from and your socio economic background.


LuciferSam
LuciferSam

Haha what?!?  Tractor pulls dude?  I've never met anyone here in KC who has been to a rodeo.  I don't even know what a tractor pull is, and I've lived most of my life here.  You really think we do those kind of things don't you?  :)  Believe it or not, we have running water and paved roads.  Hard to imagine, isn't it?  Hahahaha


I agree that the cities are quite different in many ways, though saying they couldn't be more different is certainly incorrect as they have many similarities as well.  I love the two distinct feels of these great cities.  These two cities have such a variety of things one could want in a city.  Honestly if STL and KC were somehow merged together it would be a truly remarkable city.  I'm just happy they are in the same state.


Unfortunately both cities still have a couple of the same downsides that come from being midwestern cities, and Missouri cities on top of that.  Both have a deep running racism, severe urban decay, and rampant suburban sprawl among other things.

LuciferSam
LuciferSam

@KC_to_StL Yes!  Absolutely.  Missouri has two of the most underrated and misunderstood cities in America.

chalk21
chalk21

The RFT did this as a joke since the stats in the KC star article are terribly misleading and the writer sounded very uninformed.

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