Average Penis Size in Missouri Is "Microscopic," But St. Louis Men Are Well Endowed (REPORT)

Categories: Sex

short_banana.jpg
mconnors
Hey, it's what you do with it, all right?
Vital information for your Monday morning, St. Louis.

According to a recent study put out by the website Condomania, the average penis size in Missouri is "microscopic." It's one step above "subatomic," but still. Microscopic?!

Luckily, there is better news here locally: St. Louis is one of the better hung cities in the country.

Unlike a lot of "studies" that rank various cultural factors across our great nation, this one might not be total BS. The data is based off of the site's sales of custom-fit condoms and takes into account 27,000 men's orders. The condoms come in 55 sizes, and you're supposed to measure the unit for both length and girth (They provide a handy guide here).

See also:
- St. Louis One Step Closer To Legalizing Sale Of Condoms, Ending 1934 Law
- St. Louis Native Guides Singles Through Online Dating With "Profile Wingman" Service
- Masters of Sex, Based on Masters and Johnson, Releases First Trailer (VIDEO)

This has Missouri pegged at "microscopic" on the map that Buzzfeed put together and ranks us No. 36 out of 50 states. We've bested Wyoming, Utah, Iowa, Kentucky, South Carolina, West Virginia, Delaware and Alaska who are all classified "subatomic." Louisiana, Oregon, New York, Indiana and New Hampshire weighed in as "equine."

But the site also ranked cities individually. By comparison, St. Louis is doing just fine. Must be a lot of teeny weenies in the greater state throwing off our average. Here's the list, as provided by Daily Finance:

  • 1. New Orleans
  • 2. Washington DC
  • 3. San Diego
  • 4. New York City
  • 5. Phoenix
  • 6. Portland
  • 7. Atlanta
  • 8. San Francisco
  • 9. Chicago
  • 10. St. Louis
  • 11. Seattle
  • 12. Miami
  • 13. Indianapolis
  • 14. Columbus
  • 15. Boston
  • 16. Denver
  • 17. Los Angeles
  • 18. Detroit
  • 19. Philadelphia
  • 20. Dallas/Ft. Worth

Then again, in our enlightened age we all know size doesn't matter, right? Our own Masters and Johnson proved that. And take inspiration from this fella, the winner of the "Smallest Penis in Brooklyn" competition, who recently told the blog Gothamist that he is "proud" of his title and that "I have a very positive body image of myself, and it upsets [me] when others do not."

(If anyone would rise to the occasion of starting a "Smallest Penis in St. Louis" contest, Daily RFT would love to hear about it. Contact info below...)

Follow Jessica Lussenhop on Twitter at @Lussenpop. E-mail the author at Jessica.Lussenhop@RiverfrontTimes.com.


My Voice Nation Help
24 comments
Dave Counts
Dave Counts

Maybe its' all the giant vagina's in St. Louis that are throwing off the #'s?

ween
ween

came to this site by accident. found this trash identified as news and observed that most commenters have and average vocabulary slight below moron. can't believe someone is earning a living producing this junk. not looking for response as i've used my junk mail email. I see you have many braindead clients as well.

Dennis Fleming
Dennis Fleming

Since Andy Ashling and I moved back to town, we've pulled the average up...giggity

Bambi Zj Baker
Bambi Zj Baker

wow I hate to meet the woman who does the research for this or man...

Brian Villa
Brian Villa

As if dudes with above average sized dicks use condoms.

FingerlingPotato
FingerlingPotato

Better hurry. Finkel's in town only for another month. 

Carla S. Easterling
Carla S. Easterling

How can they tell? I recently heard a way of measuring by RACE.... St. Louis is a pretty cosmopolitan place!

mozzy636
mozzy636

just because New York City is full of dickheads ... that doesn't mean they have 6 foot dicks running around

colin.vitro
colin.vitro

Couldn't be the fact that most men are ashamed to buy small condoms so they buy large.


Russell Glencoe
Russell Glencoe

Strangely enough I moved here 3 years ago. But I'm pretty sure I hurt this poll. I'm only 3".... Wide that is... LOL. Couldn't resist posting...

ut_4_me
ut_4_me

Reminds me of a joke...

Q:  How long does it take for a woman to have an orgasm?

A:  Who cares?

Richard Peitz
Richard Peitz

Slow news day for the RFT?? Heck, everyone knows the biggest dick in St Louis is Ray Hartmann.

Scott Tyler
Scott Tyler

Poll Fail.....everyone knows the biggest dicks are in Boston.

profireman
profireman

I call bullshit, we all know the biggest dicks are in Boston.

Jimmy Christodoulou
Jimmy Christodoulou

Three years ago is "recent"? Well, I suppose in evolutionary terms...

Now Trending

St. Louis Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

General

Loading...