Ten Ways to Act Like an Unrepentant Cardinals Fan and BFIB
5. Congratulate the losing team. You can tell yourself you're not being condescending, but you are and you secretly enjoy it. Only after that highest of triumphs, winning the World Series, are you allowed to really peacock around, puffed up with a sign you didn't spell-check.
4. Wonder aloud why players today have so many tattoos, but don't mention any player by name.
3. Order a Bud at the ball game "to support the local brewery in town" and then wink repeatedly at your friends until they sigh in agreement.
2. This one is a little controversial: You never, under any circumstances, do the wave. This is for amateurs who forget there is a baseball game being played.
1. Righteously chastise anybody who violates rules Nos. 2 through 10.
And one bonus: Even though it's officially sanctioned language by the St. Louis Cardinals Baseball Club LLC, please stop saying "Cardinal Nation" to people. It's just awful.
Follow @nicklucchesi on Twitter for tweets from a self-loathing Cardinals fan.