Video: Cardinals' Matt Carpenter Caught Stroking It

Categories: Cardinals

Carpenter: A wood worker par excellence.
It's been a lackluster National League Division Series for Cardinals' second-baseman Matt Carpenter. The All-Star infielder who had the sixth-best batting average (.318) in the National League this season, is batting just .067 against the Pittsburgh Pirates through four games of the NLDS.

So, what's gone wrong in the playoffs?

Perhaps it's the incredibly suggestive focused batting prep he brings to the plate, as demonstrated below during Game 1 of the NLDS.

OK, cheap shot. But here's hoping Carpenter can, ahem, polish his stats in Game 5 the way he polishes his lumber. Go Cards!

See also: [VIDEO] Classy Cubs Fan Mimics a Double-Barrel Blowjob on TV, Gets Ejected

Bonus: To continue this downward spiral, we present what remains the best faux-masturbation video ever to emerge from the world of sports. You're welcome.

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Carrie Harris
Carrie Harris

So trashy. Is that the headline news for Wednesday morning?


Historic government shutdown (and the Cardinals are in the playoffs), and this is the best you can come up with in the last 24 hours? 

Eric Lachmiller
Eric Lachmiller

That goes alongside Matt Holliday circling the bases with the barn door open...

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