Top

blog

Stories

 

Poop in the Loop: Who Let This Turd Sit on the Masters of Sex Walk of Fame Star?

Categories: Unreal

looppoop.JPG
Your poop does not belong in the Loop!
Dear inconsiderate St. Louis dog owner,

I'm proud of St. Louis. We may not be the most exciting place in the world, but there are a few things we do well.

And you managed to shit all over two of them.

(Well, not you, most likely. I'm guessing it was your dog. But STILL.)

Come down to the Delmar Loop -- officially named one of the 10 greatest streets in America -- on any nice day, and you'll see plenty of tourists and St. Louis County folk pursuing the names on our Walk of Fame stars on their way to eat frozen yogurt and buy overpriced T-shirts. Nelly, Maya Angelou, Chuck Berry, Kate Chopin, Yogi Berra, William Burroughs -- we've had some influential, accomplished people call St. Louis home, and our Walk of Fame celebrates them.

So when your dog sniffs at one of the stars, turns around a few times and then SQUATS DIRECTLY OVER THE STAR TO UNLEASH A STEAMING LOG, you should probably clean it up. Especially when you're three feet away from a trash can, WHICH YOU WERE.

looppoop2.JPG
Poop on the Masters & Johnson Walk of Fame star.
Now, I'll admit -- some of the folks honored in our Walk of Fame are a little...obscure. I didn't know who Ernest Trova was off the top of my head. But then I looked him up, and he's amazing. A surrealist and pop-art-painter-slash-sculptor, Trova studied post-industrial dystopia through his The Falling Man series featuring headless, potbellied human figures polished to mirrored perfection -- an accomplishment that rocked the art world in the '60s -- and donated 40 sculptures that helped open the Laumeier Sculpture Park.

Trova's work may be a little esoteric, but that's the hidden beauty of the Walk of Fame: It's a mini history lesson for those who want to feel closer to their city. And it's right at your feet.

But for all the unknown, obscure stars out there, your dog chose to unload on the star of a couple so famous that Michael Sheen and Lizzy Caplan play them on a Showtime series called Masters of Sex.

masters-and-johnson_1.jpg
via
Masters and Johnson. Would you poop on their faces like you did on their star?
Washington University researchers Bill Masters and Virginia Johnson earned their Walk of Fame star by revolutionizing our understanding of sex, discovering treatments for dysfunction, debunking the theory that clitoral orgasms are inferior to vaginal orgasms and proving that women can have multiple orgasms.

If that doesn't deserve a star, I don't know what does.

In the end, I used my brown suede boots to kick your animal's still-wet dung under the trash can just a step away because I care about our history, our city and our orgasms.

Plus, it's a sidewalk. People walk here, and stepping on a fresh turd is just the worst.

So know this: If I ever catch you walking away from your pet's fresh pile of poop on one of our monuments to St. Louis pride again, I swear to the eternal Joe Edwards I will say the magic Missouri spell that releases the souls of Ike Turner and Ulysses S. Grant and HAUNT YOUR THOUGHTLESS ASS for the rest of time.

Clean up your Loop poop...or else,

Lindsay

Follow Lindsay Toler on Twitter at @StLouisLindsay. E-mail the author at Lindsay.Toler@RiverfrontTimes.com.

My Voice Nation Help
38 comments
Mark Swain
Mark Swain

So sad that so much energy is placed on something so insignificant

Shannon Nicole
Shannon Nicole

You could just pick it up and move on with your life. Though I see how writing an article on it would be much more helpful.

Billy Casagrand
Billy Casagrand

2 Girls 1 cup is finally getting the respect it deserves...... just kinding the video stole a piece of my soul

Zac Levinson
Zac Levinson

Really? RFT... this is the best story someone could come up with in the loop?.... smh

Rory Flynn
Rory Flynn

But wait ... maybe the shit can be justified??? From Wikipedia: "From 1968 to 1977, the Masters and Johnson Institute ran a program to convert homosexuals to heterosexuality. This program reported a 71.6% success rate over a six-year treatment period." Welp, whomever shat on your star had a 100% success rate. Not cool Masters and Johnson. Not cool.

Darren Snow
Darren Snow

Too bad it wasn't on Chuck Berry's star, where it might have been appreciated.

Don White
Don White

I so loved this article....Humor with a twist of chastisement and revenge. LOL!!

Kirsten Mary
Kirsten Mary

Collect all the dog crap and put it on the owners front porch in a bag. I can't stand people who can't clean up after their dogs!!!

John Dowdy
John Dowdy

Don't worry it is just a Baby Ruth

Will-Ben Portman
Will-Ben Portman

I wonder how often the underside of trash cans get checked for debris? I imagine it's not that often.

Margie Redenbaugh
Margie Redenbaugh

If the dog was going to poo on somebody- I think he picked the right ones.

Courtney Cronin
Courtney Cronin

There really aren't strays on the loop. Maybe in the surrounding neighborhoods or alleys, but I've never seen a stray on the actual loop (probably because of heavy traffic/loud people). This was definitely the work of an asshole pet owner.

Tom Keightley
Tom Keightley

I'll go along with the possibility that it could have been a stray and I will also concur that if it was not, you need to clean up after your dog. Keep it classy St Louis. Now, that being said, look at the opportunity it created for you to share some of our great town's history! I've pretty much lived here all of my 43 years and did not know some of the things that were revealed in your article. I hope everyone reads this article for it's true value and just forgets about the turd on the sidewalk. Thanks for the insight!

Couch Pig
Couch Pig

Great a anal newspaper that complains about dog shit just so you know people used to shit on the ground also

O'Joshee Lewis
O'Joshee Lewis

Looks like a candy bar. Taste it. Don't waste it.

Gabriel Cotton
Gabriel Cotton

Nothing wrong with taking a moment to point out behavior that needs to be corrected. Any person who doesn't clean up after their pup, especially in a public place where people walk, is a bad dog owner.

Sandra Carr-Vedder
Sandra Carr-Vedder

Oh crap... this article has started a shit storm! To pick up the poop on the loop, or to take a photo and write a story? Good day!

Dean Berry
Dean Berry

You didn't know who Ernest trova was? What in the fuck?

Shannon Nicole
Shannon Nicole

And what if it was a stray, homeless pet? If it bothers you that much, pick it up, throw it away, consider it your good deed for the day and know you made the loop a little brighter and cleaner for everyone. Walk on with a smile. Or you could write a silly article and take a picture. That makes sense too.

Rosalind Early
Rosalind Early

Covering the hard hitting stories as always, I see.

Ed Lomax
Ed Lomax

If it bothers you. Pick it up yourself. And then go see yer mom. When did we become such a bunch of sissies that worry about dog poop SO MUCH THAT WE ACTUALLY PICK IT UP?

Angie Cunniff
Angie Cunniff

The laziness is astounding, considering that turd is microscopic and would take a millisecond to dispose of. KEEP POOP OUT OF THE LOOP!

Amy Mattox
Amy Mattox

I dont think its a dog turd...looks like a big rat turd to me.

Rick Kohn
Rick Kohn

Who put the Benzedrine in Mr. Green's Ovaltine?

Debbi Van Blair
Debbi Van Blair

YOU ARE ASSUMING IT WAS A PET ON A LEASH. MAYBE NOT.

Now Trending

St. Louis Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

General

Loading...