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Five Ways St. Louis Can Win Boeing's 777X Contest, Including Foot Jobs and Child Labor

Categories: Bidness, Politics

2. Make Forest Park a Giant Golf Course for Only Boeing Execs

golf.jpg
Wikimedia/StefanB
Nice shot!

Forest Park is nice and all, but trees and museums of expressionist art won't be enough to convince Boeing executives to bring the 777x jet to St. Louis. You know what will work, though? Golf.

There's already a golf course in Forest Park, so this is not even that big of a deal. Just cut down a few more trees, turn the museums into sand traps, don't allow any poor people in, and boom: we got Boeing.

3. Child Labor

child_labor.jpg
Wikimedia/Flickr/Preus Museum

We must think about Boeing's future. In order for the company to succeed here, it must be able to know that in 20 or 30 years, they'll still have a solid workforce to utilize. That's why we should take kids out of school and put them to work for Boeing and pay them just enough to buy candy and socks. Boeing wins by saving money and having a workforce that won't go and retire in a mere 30 years and our children win because they get to be raised by Boeing.

Now, before anybody starts whining about how kids should get an education, it's not like there will be any money to fund schools after the tax breaks, so let's stop living in fantasy land.

See also: Missouri Legislators Approve Tax Break for Ford -- Let's Hope Governor Nixon is Right

4. Change Cardinals Logo to a Little Boeing Jet Swinging a Baseball Bat

cardinals_logo.gif
Time for the birds to migrate.

There's nothing behemoth corporations like more than putting their name on sports arenas. But that's become so cliché. What we should do is get rid of the little red birds in the Cardinals logo and instead have a cute little 777x Boeing jet swinging a baseball bat. Hell, lets just change the name, too.

The "St. Louis Boeing 777x Jets" sure sounds like a winner!

5. Whatever They Want

bondage_boeing.jpg
Wikimedia/Goldsztajn
If this is what Boeing is into, we should accommodate.

Who are we to tell Boeing what they can or can't have? Why not just let them have anything they want? After all, they know better - they've figured out how to get billions from the federal government and then convinced several states to bend over backwards to make their own residents subsidize Boeing even further.

Genius.

Follow Ray Downs on Twitter at @RayDowns. E-mail the author at Ray.Downs@RiverfrontTimes.com.

My Voice Nation Help
8 comments
David B Fowler
David B Fowler

Great well paying jobs and money Trickles out instead to STL. We Need that.

Tom Patrick
Tom Patrick

How about we let Boing pay their FAIR share of taxes... I am tired of tax breaks for large corporations. Not to mention the other incentives they are trying to give them...

Steve Mincer
Steve Mincer

I love it when nutty liberals post on corporate website...that makes its money from other corporations advertising on it...to tell us how bad corporations are.

Joshua Rodgers
Joshua Rodgers

Japanese radioactive waste, political scandal exposure, misuse of power, privacy invasion, punishment for crimes that hold fines but no punishment for baby rapers, thieves, can you get some of these thoughts out there or does the federal government give you a few swatches to pick your story from?

Tessa Smith
Tessa Smith

I'm no longer a Nixon fan that's for sure. And Charlie Dooley, come on, ANYTHING he wants HAS to be BAD!

Joshua Rodgers
Joshua Rodgers

Why would we do that? Oh, because our corrupt system doesn't steal enough ..... we are about to spend 35 million on a landscaping project around the arch but some how can't house or feed or cloth the people suffering AND LIVING underneath it! I don't personally feel we have any reason for Boeing to look here to do business. Like ford, go to a place that doesn't screw their citizens around! How about a piece on some of that???

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