Five Ways St. Louis Can Win Boeing's 777X Contest, Including Foot Jobs and Child Labor
2. Make Forest Park a Giant Golf Course for Only Boeing Execs
Forest Park is nice and all, but trees and museums of expressionist art won't be enough to convince Boeing executives to bring the 777x jet to St. Louis. You know what will work, though? Golf.
There's already a golf course in Forest Park, so this is not even that big of a deal. Just cut down a few more trees, turn the museums into sand traps, don't allow any poor people in, and boom: we got Boeing.
3. Child Labor
We must think about Boeing's future. In order for the company to succeed here, it must be able to know that in 20 or 30 years, they'll still have a solid workforce to utilize. That's why we should take kids out of school and put them to work for Boeing and pay them just enough to buy candy and socks. Boeing wins by saving money and having a workforce that won't go and retire in a mere 30 years and our children win because they get to be raised by Boeing.
Now, before anybody starts whining about how kids should get an education, it's not like there will be any money to fund schools after the tax breaks, so let's stop living in fantasy land.
4. Change Cardinals Logo to a Little Boeing Jet Swinging a Baseball Bat
There's nothing behemoth corporations like more than putting their name on sports arenas. But that's become so cliché. What we should do is get rid of the little red birds in the Cardinals logo and instead have a cute little 777x Boeing jet swinging a baseball bat. Hell, lets just change the name, too.
The "St. Louis Boeing 777x Jets" sure sounds like a winner!
5. Whatever They Want
Who are we to tell Boeing what they can or can't have? Why not just let them have anything they want? After all, they know better - they've figured out how to get billions from the federal government and then convinced several states to bend over backwards to make their own residents subsidize Boeing even further.