Dumbest Study Ever: Smiles, Hipster Mustaches Make St. Louis Happiest City in America

hipstermustache.jpeg
Riverfront Times
Smile larger, damn it, we're No. 1!
St. Louis has been named America's happiest city, and the reason why is so idiotic that it's making us furious.

Jetpac City Guides, developers of a travel app launched today, analyzed 100 million photos for four key signs of happiness: smiles, hipster mustaches, bright lipstick and blue skies.

(No, really. Hipster mustaches. Because SCIENCE.)

See also: St. Louis Named Number One Most Deadly Place to Live in America

stlhappy.JPG
Jetpac
"It turns out, of all the cities in America, St. Louis smiles the most and the biggest," Jetpack writes on the company blog. "That news is exciting enough to turn the famous Gateway Arch frown upside down."

The study seems to be based on a premise so faulty an elementary school science student could spot it: People smiling for photos is finite proof of happiness. The super-scientific method grades smiles by their size on a scale of 0 to 100. Just a smirk? Ten points. Full blown grin? One hundred points!

Special hipster extras earn St. Louis bonus points:

happystudy.JPG
Jetpac
Jetpac looked specifically for photos posted to Instagram showing groups of smiling faces to prove the town is "popular with hipsters," one of their ultimate signs of a happy city.

Suspiciously, Missouri sweeps the happiness competition, with St. Louis and Kansas City landing at spots Nos. 1 and 2.

Sunny vacation destinations California and Hawaii don't even make the top 25. Seattle, Washington, known for instilling residents with a deep sense of depression through almost-constant drizzle, ranks at No. 26.

Anaheim, California -- home of Disneyland, the happiest place on Earth -- ranks dead last.

So far, we've only found one plausible (and adorable) theory as to how St. Louis ranked so high:


Continue reading for the full list.

My Voice Nation Help
19 comments
Amanda Cunningham
Amanda Cunningham

Faking it makes STL the happiest. Fake it until you make it.

Philip Grout
Philip Grout

Hipster-hating hipster writes another RFT article about hipsters. Hipster.

Sharon Johnson
Sharon Johnson

Wow, dangerous and happy. I am going to have to move back there.

Matt Sellers
Matt Sellers

I have a mustache and I am always sad when I'm in St. Louis and happy when I'm in Anaheim and all of Orange County.

Darren Snow
Darren Snow

I have Bitchy Resting Face and can't grow a mustache. Deport me to Anaheim if you must.

Ryan Masters
Ryan Masters

Nicky Calderon, your awesome facial hair makes our city happy. Alex, too. Sometimes.

Mark Bland
Mark Bland

WHOA WHOA WHOA RFT! It don't work that way! Just cause you call it a dumb study, doesn't change the opinion that you are STL's hipster RAG and you love all things hipster. Your writing is hipster-esque for the most part and you probably have a Lana Del Rey playlist going right now while you were coming up with that "throw them off the scent" (scooby doo style) headline for this article.

Michael Mahler
Michael Mahler

Funny that Anaheim would be last on the list.... I thought Disneyland was the happiest place on Earth.

Michael Mahler
Michael Mahler

At least it's a positive Study for us ...for a change.

Jason Patrylo
Jason Patrylo

That's because all our enemies are dead... #MostDangerousCityInAmerica

Now Trending

St. Louis Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

General

Loading...