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Two Proud St. Louis Perverts Explain The Romance Of A Kinky Valentines Day

Categories: Holidays

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Flickr/Eduardo Santos
It's not dinner at a mid-priced Italian restaurant, but this is romance.
David Wraith hasn't yet made Valentines Day plans with either of his girlfriends.

Yes, he has two girlfriends, and yes, they're two serious relationships, what's known as a polyamorous arrangement. As for Wraith, a self described "free-range poly man-whore," he says this is actually his first Valentines Day-related multi-girlfriend predicament.

"I need to look at a calendar and see who's available when," he says, adding, "Google Calendar is a godsend to the poly community."

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David Wraith and Kendra Holliday
See also: St. Louisans Get Naked for "Bare As You Dare" Event, Celebrate "ALL Bodies" (PHOTOS)

Wraith is a St. Louis native, erotica writer, activist and filmmaker who cofounded Sex Positive St. Louis with three fellow sex bloggers, including Kendra Holliday. For kinky folks like Wraith and Holliday, Valentines Day presents the challenge of turning a holiday built from generically "romantic" marketing ploys into something....freaky and hot.

"I avoid the hype of Valentines Day," says Holliday, whom RFT profiled in 2010. "I like to do it in my own private way. If I were to do it with my partner I would probably stay at home and he would flog me. Or we would have a threesome."

Since we don't possess the necessary years of "field work" in perverse sexual adventuring, we asked Holliday and Wraith to assist guiding kinky or poly romantics who feel left out during the Valentines Day blitz.

(And don't worry, monogamous/vanilla couples: Even if this extremely-NSFW activity isn't your cup of sex tea, you should still pay attention. You might even learn something.)

1. Strive For A Non-Standard Valentines Day

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Jon Gitchoff
A nude David Wraith (he of the butt) gives his presentation at a "body positive event" at Shameless Grounds in July 2013
For Wraith, the first problem with Valentines Day is that its vision of romance -- "generic" -- doesn't fit with his own. Or that of his partner. Or that of his other partner.

"I would just want Valentines Day to be a little sexier and a little less standard," he says. "Flowers and card are great, but you can send those to your sweetheart at the office. I would want to add things to Valentines Day that you couldn't do at the office because you'd be fired."

The key, says Wraith, is specificity. If your girlfriend is a die-hard baseball fan, for example, a new mitt might represent so much to her than a dozen roses. And if you are the dom half of a dominant/submissive pairing, maybe you free the slave of his chastity device and order him to perform special Valentines Day services for his mistress. (But only if he's been an especially good slave.)

"The most important is showing you listen and showing you pay attention and that you know what trips their individual trigger," Wraith says.

See also: Top Ten Things That Have Been Inside The Beautiful Kind's Vagina: NSFW

Holliday, who writes The Beautiful Kind sex blog, is more than a little familiar with BDSM. If you're the dominant one and your partner gets off on serving you, she explains, then a whole range of fun Valentines Day trigger tripping options can be explored,

For example: "Some people love to be used as footstools," says Holliday. "Nothing shows 'I love you' like putting your feet up on your partner."

What if poly and kinky folks do want to indulge in classic Valentines Day gestures? Come this way...


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24 comments
Scott Tyler
Scott Tyler

Brilliant, I can't wait to tell my wife she gets to be my foot stool for Valentine's Day.

lacey52
lacey52

it's nice to know that even a city in the bible belt can have places for alternative people to go, meet, and explore their lifestyle away from the "norms" out there.  it's nice to know people are so close minded that they can't even be ok with someone elses lifestyle. we don't push it on you so keep your "normal" views to your self. they are everywhere anyway so, why can't ours be out there without getting degraded?

Andrew William
Andrew William

So judgemental and puritanical on the comments. Different strokes ;)

Jeffrey Young
Jeffrey Young

If these sex lives were kept private then let them do it without comment. But, when you open it up to the public then you also open it up tp comment. Personally I believe that these people are not only damaged, but that these actions actually exacerbate that damage both in themselves and their partners not all that differently than in many other addictions.

Ash Hinkle
Ash Hinkle

Haha so much butt hurt over other peoples sex lives...jeez

Lynn Ferguson
Lynn Ferguson

call it what it is. a perversion. a sicknedss.

Kristy Küster
Kristy Küster

They just had to name it something like 50 Shade of St. Louis... then it wouldn't seem so "wrong" to at least some of the female crowd. To each their own people but everyone has to judge bc it's not their way of life. Personally I'd prefer to keep it mono but hey if a guy can be that attentive & loving to 2+ women, and they know & are ok with it, then hats off to him bc there are plenty of guys who can't even manage to do that with 1 gal.

Tammy Pendino
Tammy Pendino

To me people that do these perverted practices of sex were either neglected or abused by their parents. Being perverted is the only outlet they have to compensated for all the lack of attention that society didn't give them as teens. Monogamy to me shows that you have honor and respect for your mate its a sign of true love. Public sexual deviance with multiple partners should be kept behind doors. Why RFT had to go and write this article and remind me Once again that my fair city has weirdos lurking about is not really news. News means tell something "new". Fuck!

Deb Woods
Deb Woods

A "pervert" is a pedophile. Someone who indulges in LEGAL sexual kinks should not be stigmatized this way.

Steve Mincer
Steve Mincer

sounds like a club stefan on snl would go to. they have a midget, a waffle bar, a clown...

Alex Peck
Alex Peck

Thanks RFT,I need a reminder once in awhile of why I left St.louis years ago!

D_Towski
D_Towski

@piecesofjade I saw the blog post and I just couldn't help wanting to include it in some way.. :)

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