Two Proud St. Louis Perverts Explain The Romance Of A Kinky Valentines Day

Categories: Holidays

Flickr/Eduardo Santos
It's not dinner at a mid-priced Italian restaurant, but this is romance.
David Wraith hasn't yet made Valentines Day plans with either of his girlfriends.

Yes, he has two girlfriends, and yes, they're two serious relationships, what's known as a polyamorous arrangement. As for Wraith, a self described "free-range poly man-whore," he says this is actually his first Valentines Day-related multi-girlfriend predicament.

"I need to look at a calendar and see who's available when," he says, adding, "Google Calendar is a godsend to the poly community."

David Wraith and Kendra Holliday
See also: St. Louisans Get Naked for "Bare As You Dare" Event, Celebrate "ALL Bodies" (PHOTOS)

Wraith is a St. Louis native, erotica writer, activist and filmmaker who cofounded Sex Positive St. Louis with three fellow sex bloggers, including Kendra Holliday. For kinky folks like Wraith and Holliday, Valentines Day presents the challenge of turning a holiday built from generically "romantic" marketing ploys into something....freaky and hot.

"I avoid the hype of Valentines Day," says Holliday, whom RFT profiled in 2010. "I like to do it in my own private way. If I were to do it with my partner I would probably stay at home and he would flog me. Or we would have a threesome."

Since we don't possess the necessary years of "field work" in perverse sexual adventuring, we asked Holliday and Wraith to assist guiding kinky or poly romantics who feel left out during the Valentines Day blitz.

(And don't worry, monogamous/vanilla couples: Even if this extremely-NSFW activity isn't your cup of sex tea, you should still pay attention. You might even learn something.)

1. Strive For A Non-Standard Valentines Day

Jon Gitchoff
A nude David Wraith (he of the butt) gives his presentation at a "body positive event" at Shameless Grounds in July 2013
For Wraith, the first problem with Valentines Day is that its vision of romance -- "generic" -- doesn't fit with his own. Or that of his partner. Or that of his other partner.

"I would just want Valentines Day to be a little sexier and a little less standard," he says. "Flowers and card are great, but you can send those to your sweetheart at the office. I would want to add things to Valentines Day that you couldn't do at the office because you'd be fired."

The key, says Wraith, is specificity. If your girlfriend is a die-hard baseball fan, for example, a new mitt might represent so much to her than a dozen roses. And if you are the dom half of a dominant/submissive pairing, maybe you free the slave of his chastity device and order him to perform special Valentines Day services for his mistress. (But only if he's been an especially good slave.)

"The most important is showing you listen and showing you pay attention and that you know what trips their individual trigger," Wraith says.

See also: Top Ten Things That Have Been Inside The Beautiful Kind's Vagina: NSFW

Holliday, who writes The Beautiful Kind sex blog, is more than a little familiar with BDSM. If you're the dominant one and your partner gets off on serving you, she explains, then a whole range of fun Valentines Day trigger tripping options can be explored,

For example: "Some people love to be used as footstools," says Holliday. "Nothing shows 'I love you' like putting your feet up on your partner."

What if poly and kinky folks do want to indulge in classic Valentines Day gestures? Come this way...

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