Winter Olympics: Five Absurd St. Louis "Sports" We'd Rather Watch Than Curling
4. Panic Shopping Combined
Seen here, one desperate St. Louis shopper apparently loses her mind and tries to become a loaf of bread.
Competitors are forced to endure 36-hours of hyperbolic local weather coverage before they are unleashed into a local Schnucks. Medals awarded for most bread and milk hoarded.
Style points awarded for throat-punching fellow shoppers for over a bag of whole-grain hamburger buns.
5. South City Vehicular Luge
Put Olympic athletes in American-made SUVs and let them compete in a true winter challenge: Competitors must speed up just as they turn onto any unplowed side street in south city, then stand on their brakes. The winner's determined by distance, although style points will be given for total number of side mirrors claimed.