"Pit Bull Conservative" Brian Nieves Wants To Be Franklin County's Paper-Pushing Patriot

Categories: Politics

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State Senator Brian Nieves wants to go home. Last week, after twelve years spent throwing his freedom-laden weight around the chambers of the Missouri legislature, the polarizing politician announced his candidacy for the Franklin County Recorder of Deeds.

Detailing his motivations in a string of Facebook posts, Nieves wrote that the relatively low-level local government position -- or the "Front Lines of Freedom" -- is in dire need of a "Hard Core, Pit Bull Conservative," presumably to defend vulnerable property records from the encroaching tyranny of misfiled paperwork.

"Can't wait to start this new chapter of service to The People and am looking forward to being the Conservative Standard Bearer at the Franklin County Government Building!" he posted on March 17, one week before filing as a candidate for a position that requires virtually zero ideology or politicking.

See also: Senator Brian Nieves Writes Insane E-Mails to Constituent Who Doesn't Want His Newsletters

"I don't think it's a boring job," maintains current Franklin Country Recorder of Deeds Sharon Birkman, who at 70 years old is retiring after two-decades embedded in the Front Lines of Freedom, which she colloquially refers to as her "office."

Nieves began dropping hints earlier this month that he would not seek reelection to his state senate seat, citing a desire to utilize his conservative charisma and bombastic style closer to home, where he could also serve his family and elderly grandmother.

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Brian Nieves loves mixing Naval metaphors with creative capitalization.
Far be it from us to harp on grown man's desire to stay close to his family, but there may be other factors at play: His job as a state senator only pays $35,915, while landing a spot on the ramparts of liberty as Recorder of Deeds would see that figure bumped up to $67,215.

In addition, Nieves is still dealing with the aftermath of an altercation with a political rival, Shawn Bell, in 2010. Though Franklin County prosecutors decided not to press criminal charges at the time, a personal injury lawsuit later filed by Bell may go to trial in October, just a month before the county's local elections.

See also: Rep. Brian Nieves: Packing Heat 97 Percent of the Time

Nieves' duties as Recorder of Deeds would mostly involve preserving documents of public record, following existing laws and keeping his office's data-filing systems updated with the latest technology.

"The most important thing is to serve the public office," says Birkman, who tells Daily RFT she takes significant pride in how her office digitized property records all the way back to the 1800s. "This office has to do with history, wealth and economy of your county. It's an office that started with the beginning of time."

We know Nieves; he'll bring his fullest, most Randomly Capitalized Patriotism to whatever government position he lands in. And Brian, if you're reading this, we'd like to leave you with some advice about county records from our nation's greatest hero of local governance:

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Follow Danny Wicentowski on Twitter at @D_Towski. E-mail the author at Danny.Wicentowski@RiverfrontTimes.com

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7 comments
John Bentley
John Bentley

I just thought webster was the east side of kirkwood..And full of economic hand me downs...

Danny Richter
Danny Richter

Well since I am high on neither, I will assume my assessment of you is spot on as well.

Andrea Hilliard
Andrea Hilliard

I'm from Franklin County originally, it has spent time being the meth capital of the nation and has an amazing ratio of churches to people for such a small population. I also said "most" of the constituents. I'm fine with my assessment.

Danny Richter
Danny Richter

Lumping the population of Franklin Co as bible thumping meth heads would be similar to saying everyone who attended Webster is a pretentious hipster twat. Neither would be true.

Andrea Hilliard
Andrea Hilliard

Ah Franklin County. Where most of the constituents are either high on Jesus or meth and the results are eerily similar...

jaco1175
jaco1175 topcommenter

I don't know enough about this rural county in backwardsville to know the exact percentage of bible thumping methheads but I do know one thing; if the people in this county actually elect this fuckstick, to any office, there is a definite majority of backwards retards who are registered to vote there.

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