Top

blog

Stories

 

Jon Stewart "Leaks" St. Louis Cardinals Mascot Fredbird's Sex Tape [VIDEO]

Categories: Baseball, Sex

fredbirdpoint.jpg
GabboT on Flickr, cropped
You'll never look at Fredbird the same way again.
Ever wonder how Fredbird would act during a threesome with two other Major League Baseball mascots?

Neither did anyone else. But thanks to The Daily Show, all of America has the image of a patiently voyeuristic Fredbird burned into its collective consciousness.

The beloved mascot of the St. Louis Cardinals got caught in the crosshairs as The Daily Show's Jon Stewart launched one of his famous food-pride rants against the entire city of Philadelphia.

After railing against Philadelphia Phillies manager Ryne Sandberg for getting sick from a Shake Shack burger from Citi Field, the New York Mets stadium, Stewart attacked all things Philly: cheesesteaks, Rocky, the Liberty Bell and, of course, the Phillie Phanatic.

"It's a city so famously shitty, no animal would represent its baseball team, forcing you to go with this fucked-up, Jim Henson-reject-looking piece of shit," Stewart said Tuesday night.

See also: Who Would Win in a Fight Between Fredbird and the Dirt Cheap Chicken?

Stewart seemed to regret hurling abuse at the Phillies strange mascot Wednesday, but his apology revealed more about Fredbird and the Miami Marlins' mascot, Billy the Marlin, than anyone ever wanted to know.

"I apologize if I offended Mr. Phanatic. I know how difficult your life has been since that sex tape came out," Stewart says as this image comes up onscreen:

daily-show-phanatic-orgy.jpg
Comedy Central
Even Stewart can't believe what he's seeing.

"Seriously, was that just the Cardinal mascot in the corner pleasuring himself?" he asks the crowd, laughing. "I don't know where that guy got in there."

But hey, if Fredbird is going to get freaky with it, at least he's doing it with class. As the entertainment website Uproxx puts it, "even in group mascot sex, the St. Louis Cardinals mascot is the classiest animal in the room, always allowing the guy before him to finish before he jumps in to bang the giant fish."

Here's the whole segment:

Follow Lindsay Toler on Twitter at @StLouisLindsay. E-mail the author at Lindsay.Toler@RiverfrontTimes.com.


My Voice Nation Help
19 comments
Rob Compton
Rob Compton

Yeah, you tell'm guy on the internet!

Brandon Herges
Brandon Herges

I'm on my phone. Please tell me the guy is wearing the costume.

Berri Jackson-West
Berri Jackson-West

Jon stewart was just jealous Fredbird got to live out the fantasy before he did lmao!!

Dallas Keller
Dallas Keller

As a die hard Cards fan, I have no problem with this. That was fucking funny. And btw, FUCK PHILLY! Ha.

Now Trending

St. Louis Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

General

Loading...