Jefferson County Man Seeks Place to Jerk Off, Posts Craigslist Ad

What was it Benjamin Franklin famously said about house guests? Oh, yeah, now we remember. They can really get in the way of your daily spank session.

So states a Jefferson County resident in an ad posted last week on Craigslist St. Louis that we're just going to assume is legit. The 40-year-old man complains that his "house is a nightmare right now" with visiting relatives who have left him no privacy in which to beat off.

Might he come and masturbate at your house? If so, he'd prefer that the home is air-conditioned. But, really, he's not that picky. A basement or garage will do. Hell, he'd even jack off in your back yard provided it has adequate foliage.

But seriously, folks. Please help this guy. Dude is about to explode. And if he does, we'll have only ourselves to blame.

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