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Jefferson County Man Seeks Place to Jerk Off, Posts Craigslist Ad

smutcouch1.jpg
What was it Benjamin Franklin famously said about house guests? Oh, yeah, now we remember. They can really get in the way of your daily spank session.

So states a Jefferson County resident in an ad posted last week on Craigslist St. Louis that we're just going to assume is legit. The 40-year-old man complains that his "house is a nightmare right now" with visiting relatives who have left him no privacy in which to beat off.

Might he come and masturbate at your house? If so, he'd prefer that the home is air-conditioned. But, really, he's not that picky. A basement or garage will do. Hell, he'd even jack off in your back yard provided it has adequate foliage.

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stlouis.craigslist.org
But seriously, folks. Please help this guy. Dude is about to explode. And if he does, we'll have only ourselves to blame.

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46 comments
Chris Arends
Chris Arends

Emily Bischan! Is the versa free this afternoon?

Bob Stclair
Bob Stclair

Tell him to go play wack a mole in the woods !

Bob Stclair
Bob Stclair

Your house will look like a csi crime went horribly wrong ! Don't turn on the black light's ! An watch out for the special sock ! It'll cut you !

Amanda Woolsey
Amanda Woolsey

By 'house guests' he means his wife, kids and dog

Sam MF Bradley
Sam MF Bradley

Scott Calhoun don't you have a place he can use? BAHAHA #trollface

Gurf J. McGurf
Gurf J. McGurf

why do I get the feeling the person who wrote this blog is the craigslist poster just trying to get more views?

Joe Martinez
Joe Martinez

This too will be mandated to be allowed according to house bill 469....no, I'm just pulling your leg

KITTY
KITTY

Doesn't the dumb ass have a bathroom to jerk in behind the closed door? Surely the family and relatives wouldn't bust in on him smackin' and jackin there. Or do it in the shower....five will get you ten there he will likely get a bunch of responses from his ad...

Tammy Dunn
Tammy Dunn

Um I believe he really just wants someone to watch.

Angie McMichael Barrett
Angie McMichael Barrett

That's funny and crazy. Why don't he go for a drive or in the shower as someone mentioned above. I don't want to watch but I would charge him to come over...Lmao

Ron Hutson
Ron Hutson

Dude if you get more than one response forward the rest

Amber Strand
Amber Strand

Dude, the internet can't solve all your problems.

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