The "Shit BLANK Say" thing has almost reached it's endpoint, hasn't it? With every minority combo and regional variation taken, the only option that remains is for people to break it down into individual family feuds, as in "Shit My Mom Says to My Dad," "Shit My Little Brother Says to the Dog," etc.

Anywho, Mason and Remy over at 93.7-FM have thrown their had into the ring with the so-so "Shit St. Louisans Say." I don't deny people in St. Louis say some of these things (I did have pork steaks twice this weekend after all), but this is a very bland and homogenous effort. Where's the old lady barfly who knows every side street in South City? Where's the dapper young black guy wearing earbuds who raps to himself while walking down the street? It's more "Shit Four White Guys Under 30 Who Work at A Radio Station in St. Louis Say" than it is representational of the city I live in.

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We got your "accessories to bank robbery" right here!

​To their credit, St. Louis bank robbers -- apart from being scary/life-threatening -- do exhibit quite a flair for costumery. From The Boonie Hat Bandit, to the Logo Bandit, to the recent cross-dressing fad, their trunk is deep, and their tastes, varied. But check out this headline from today's Post-Dispatch:

St. Louis County Police Looking for Sharply Dressed Bank Robber

First of all, they will undoubtedly catch this crook provided he never changes clothes.

Secondly, shirt-and-tie? Snore. Time to zhuzh things up a bit. This is bank robbery.

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Click here to see the map enlarged.

​Even back in 1884, before college football was the widespread money-making machine it was today, the names of many of your favorite teams already existed. In that blessed year, H.W. Hill & Co. of Decatur, Illinois, the sole manufacturer of Hill's Hog Ringers (142,000,000 rings sold!) drew up a map of these United States and territories with all the state nicknames, each lovingly illustrated with a little pig. (Well, the Texas pig ain't so little.)

There you have buckeyes and badgers and wolverines, jayhawkers and hawkeyes and even hoosiers -- though in the Indiana sense.

And then there are the Illinois sucker and the Missouri puke. WTF?

Read on, fellow pukes and/or suckers. All shall be explained!

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Jon Gitchoff

​So, you're also stuck working when everybody else is off? Well, our non-union Christmas elves spent the weekend combing through all of 2011's nightlife photos to create this slideshow. Be aware that some of the photos are a little risque, or NSFW to use the current vernacular. Go ahead, take a gander while you finish your coffee -- it's not like the boss is coming in.

Albert Pujols's farewell letter to St. Louis that ran as a full-page ad in the Post-Dispatch last week inspired anger and tears in equal measure. But, as some readers pointed out, farewell letters to the city are nothing new, though of course few who have left the city have been able to afford full-page newspaper ads. Unreal spent a few hours rummaging through various archives and found these bits of ephemera:

Garry Templeton, the Cardinals' switch-hitting, All-Star shortstop, was a man of few words. In a late-August game back in 1981, he responded to some hometown hecklers with an obscene gesture. The Cards traded him to the San Diego Padres at the end of the season for a light-hitting SS named Ozzie something.

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This is how it's done. All together now!

​One of the surest signs that the world is going to hell, at least according to Dear Abby and Emily Post and the rest of the nation's advice-givers and etiquette experts, is that young people have abandoned the custom of writing thank-you notes for gifts received.

Which makes us think: This time of year, nobody gives more gifts than Santa. But just how many thank-you notes does he get? (And no, all those cookies don't count.)

On December 27, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m., Santa will return to the St. Louis Galleria (and the Galleria only) and re-assume his throne so little tykes can come back and thank him in person. There will be no elves, so no pictures. Just sincere, full-hearted gratitude.

"It's a little twist on the idea that Santa gives and kids get, get, get," says Terri Waters, a spokeswoman for the Galleria. "It's good for kids to know how to say thank you."

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Mark Twain, who would have turned 176 this past Wednesday, was famous for writing books about boys and their adventures. But in his other life as Samuel Clemens, he had an older sister. Which may explain why he wrote Advice to Little Girls in 1865, which includes this nugget of wisdom:

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Later on, Clemens would become the father of three daughters. It's unclear whether they ever read his advice or acted on it. It probably would have been frustrating if they did. Particularly the part about how good little girls never sass old people unless the old people sass them first.

Why are we telling you this? Why, because Advice to Little Girls has just been republished by the Italian publishing house Donzelli Editore with beautiful new illustrations by Vladimir Radunsky.

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Barry Zito's new bride, 2007 Miss Missouri Amber Seyer.

​Miss Missouri is becoming Mrs. Missouri-Zito.

Amber Marie Seyer, who represented the Show-Me State in the 2007 Miss USA pageant, is marrying San Fransisco Giants pitcher Barry Zito this weekend.

This is one of those prom king and queen unions. Zito, 33, is the John Mayer of baseball, with his dark ruffled hair and a string of public romances involving Alyssa Milano and Paris Hilton. When he's not busy throwing his frustratingly inconsistent curve-ball, he enjoys playing the guitar, yoga, and surfing. Also, he is mid-way through a seven year $126 million contract.

Seyer, 25, finished tenth place in the 2007 competition. She grew up in Oran and graduated from Lindenwood University, in St. Charles. She enjoys riding horses and hair styling. She is also an actress, with three credits under her belt including a 2010 episode of the Bold and the Beautiful.

According to the San Francisco Chronicle, the wedding will take place in a private ceremony in Marin County, which is just north of San Francisco. The paper notes that the couple plans to split time between the Bay Area and Los Angeles.

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Missouri Department of Conservation

Is this majestic creature a male or female? And, more important, can it get down and rap?

​The Missouri Department of Conservation is super-dope these days. First there's the bidness with the gender-bending deer, which is totally down with the brave new world of ambiguous sexuality. And then there's the winter rap, yo! Or should we say, doe!

The MDC gets minor props for the first line of its press release about the deer by referencing "Lola" by the Kinks -- about gender-bending, yes, but an older song and not obscure enough to please the hipsters and, dude, it ain't no rap. But the deer -- the deer...

During this fall's near-record deer shootout, hunters came across five female deer with antlers. If you've ever seen Bambi, you will know this is not normal. One of the deer was a full ten-pointer, another a nine-pointer. That's some serious antler-age. The MCD consulted its deer specialist, who has three possible theories:

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Downtown Columbia! Prepare ye for hoardes of new blood!

​From the people who told you we're ugly, dumb and not as funny as Kansas City:

The list-hounds over at The Daily Beast have come up with yet another one: The 30 "best places in America for reinvigorating your life and career."

And to all those folks seeking a new city in which to start afresh, Columbia is right on top!!!! Of 13 other cities.

It trails 16 other cities, because those other 16 apparently just look better with respect to small business friendliness, ease of finding a job, high income level, low cost-of-living, non-profit friendliness, student-friendliness. And for people who want to start their lives over, these things are deal-makers -- or, if you ain't got it, deal-breakers.

At 16th place, Columbia kinda do got it. So congrats Columbia! (Kind of.)