Virgin America's Move to Branson Would Save Struggling Airport, But Is Actually Just Sad Joke

Richard Branson: Clearly enjoys a prank that also makes him more money.
Considering April Fools' Day openly celebrates petty cruelty and casual deception, we thought we were already well-versed in how awful this "holiday" could be. We must admit, however, that the world's two most important Bransons are proving us wrong.

Indeed, it appears feathery-haired British tycoon Richard Branson has joined forces with the City of Branson, in order to gin up a marketing boost for Virgin Airlines and the tourist-dependent city of 11,000.

The plan was set in motion two weeks ago, when Richard announced in a blog post that he'd recently "discovered" his great-great-uncle, Reuben S. Branson, had founded the Missouri town in the early 20th century. He concluded by stating he was "looking forward to finding what opportunities there are for the Virgin Group in Branson."

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How to Send Story Tips to the Riverfront Times

We know St. Louis has a love-hate relationship with the Riverfront Times.

You love when we call out government officials for sentencing a man to life in prison for non-violent marijuana offenses or for forgetting to send a convicted man to prison for his entire thirteen-year sentence. You love when we alert you to hilariously shaped weather maps or write pickup lines tailored to your civic pride. You also love to take full advantage of our uncensored comments sections. (And we love that about you.)

We also know you hate it when we're not covering stories and topics that matter the most to you. That's why we're asking for your help.

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No, the FBI Didn't Bust a Hillbilly's Pig Brothel in Rolla on New Years Eve

Don't believe everything you read about pigs.
On the Internet, the line between skeptic and sucker is in constant flux. And although Daily RFT is well-versed in the seductive lies and toxic untruths that fill our digital universe, there are times we wish we could shuck our cynicism and just...believe.

What we're trying to say is: We really wish this story about the FBI busting a Rolla-area bestiality brothel on New Year's Eve was true. But it isn't.

Indeed, it's the classic "too good to fact check" story that sends visions of pork puns (and pageviews) dancing in our heads. Published January 3 and headlined "Missouri Pig Brothel Dismantled During FBI Raid," the story has now been shared on Facebook more than 50,000 times.

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We Don't See Nothing Wrong with This Altered Construction Sign

Lindsay Toler
Your morning commute just got sexier.
Some St. Louis hero has transformed a construction sign on McCausland Avenue near I-64 from normal to downright funky.

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Jefferson County Man Seeks Place to Jerk Off, Posts Craigslist Ad

What was it Benjamin Franklin famously said about house guests? Oh, yeah, now we remember. They can really get in the way of your daily spank session.

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Weirdest Lost and Found Items on St. Louis Craigslist

Kati Peck | Flickr

Now that it's summer, it's super easy to misplace things while you're off having fun wearing awesome patriotic gear or watching your new favorite sport. People leave all kinds of items in weird places. A wallet here. A pair of sunglasses there. A light-up Iron Man mask with voice activation under there. You know, the usual.

But on Craigslist, nothing is "the usual." Resisting the urge to peek at the local Missed Connection postings, we took a spin through the Lost and Found section to see if we could help our dear readers locate the things they can't live without. We knew there would be many wayward cats and dogs listed (Get help finding your pet here!), but we were surprised to discover plenty of other weird stuff that St. Louisans misplace. Read on to find out if any of it's yours. (Note: all spelling, capitalization, wording and punctuation are exactly as they appear in the original ads.)

See also: The Craigslist Missed Connections of St. Louis Wizard World

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6 Reasons Why Springfield, Missouri, is Totally the Springfield from The Simpsons

Missouri is No. 1!
Matt Groening, creator of the quintessential cartoon family The Simpsons, has tried to settle the long-running debate over which U.S. state is home to the show's setting, a fictional town called Springfield.

Twenty-five years after the show debuted, Groening admitted he'd imagined the Simpsons' hometown in Oregon, near his hometown of Portland. But because Springfield is such a common name for a town, even Groening admits that the Simpsons could live just about anywhere.

(Springfield is also in "any state but yours," as Bart pointedly scribbles during the chalkboard gag in the opening credits of a 2012 episode.)

See also: Vatican Got it Wrong: The Simpsons Aren't Catholic, They're Presbylutheran

Luckily for Missouri, real estate blog and list generator Estately decided to take matters into its own hands, devising an eleven-point test to decide once and for all which state must call the Simpsons' Springfield its own.

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Comedian Kurt Braunohler Is Jet-Skiing From Chicago to St. Louis, Because Goats

Kurt Braunohler
Comedian Kurt Braunohler has made a career out of exposing audiences (and strangers) to the hilarity of the absurd. But with his upcoming webseries from Comedy Central, he's out to prove that absurdity can be a force for good.

His plan? Jet-ski from Chicago to New Orleans as a means of raising $50,000 to give 500 goats and 1,000 chickens to hungry families in Africa. Comedy Central will be filming his epic aquatic journey, and he's planning to stop by St. Louis on May 31.

"I've been obsessed with inserting stupid moments into strangers' lives to make the world a little bit better," says Braunohler, describing his oft-repeated philosophy on life. "But now we're racking it up a level."

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Forklift Flips BMW, Then Drops Dumpster On It

I spy with my little eye something that makes no sense.
It might take you a couple seconds to notice the weirdness in this grainy photo. Look for the upside-down silver sedan resting in the middle of Broadway and Convention Plaza, right in front of the Edward Jones Dome.

Note also the full dumpster curiously resting on the car's exposed undercarriage.

The photo elicited instant confusion on the St. Louis Reddit thread where it was first posted Friday. And though there was one particularly good guess, the real story behind this bizarre accident doesn't involve a garbage truck. It involves a forklift. And dumpster projection.

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Sex Positive St. Louis Bowls in the Buff at Saratoga Lanes (NSFW)

Danny Wicentowski
Bowling shoes? Check...
David Wraith raises his bare arms and waits for the dozen other naked people around him to quiet down. It's Friday night, and they've gathered in the second-floor bowling alley of Saratoga Lanes in Maplewood.

"Just a few announcements!" Wraith shouts, waving his hands for attention. He and fellow St. Louis sex blogger Kendra Holliday planned this outing for Sex Positive St. Louis. It's the organization's first ever "clothing optional" bowling party.

"Be care careful about bending over, people," Wraith begins. "Do what you need for the purposes of bowling, but if you drop something, please, for all our sakes, consider bending at the knees."

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