The Nine Distinct States That Make Up Missouri

Categories: Missourah

Kevin Cannon
No matter the issue, Missouri has always been labeled as a state of two distinct camps: Yankee vs. Confederate, urban vs. rural, Blue state vs. Red, Calvin pissing on a Ford logo/Calvin pissing on a Chevy logo and — most divisive of all — "Missouri" vs. "Missourah."

In reality, though, the Show-Me State is much more nuanced than these polarizing issues suggest. Missouri is comprised of nine distinct states, each with their individual quirks and hangups that remain bonded together in uneasy harmony because, like mentally imbalanced siblings, they're kin. Dammit. (Also, no neighboring states would want them.)

So here it it is, a scientific breakdown of the true Missouris (or is it Missourahs?) based on geography, culture, politics, demographics and a healthy sprinkling of stereotyping.

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CNBC: Missouri Is the 3rd Worst State to Live In

Categories: Missourah

Paul Sableman on Flickr
Illinois, you may want to stay on this side of the river.
Only Tennessee and Oklahoma are worse states than Missouri to live in, according to a ranking from CNBC.

The new ranking puts Missouri toward the top of a list of "quality of life laggards" struggling with high crime rates, few local attractions, poor healthcare and the environment.

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Missouri Rep. Wants to Criminalize Finding Out Where Your Diseased Meat Came From

Thomas Bjørkan/Wikimedia
It's none of your business.
A bill has been proposed to the Missouri legislature that would make it illegal for anyone to obtain federal records about diseased cows, pigs, and other animals from all farms and factory meat producers in the state.

According to HB 2094, which was introduced by Rep. Jay Houghton, a Republican from Martinsburg, Freedom of Information Act or Missouri Sunshine requests pertaining to animal health or environmental protection data collected by state agencies under the federal Animal Traceability Program (ATP) would be legally denied.

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Drama Dads: Brawl Breaks Out at Kindergarten School Play

Categories: Missourah

wikimedia/Sander van der Wel
No swords were involved in the actual fight. This is just a "dramatic" reenactment...get it?
It was a long time coming.

At a kindergarten school performance Tuesday night in Cape Girardeau, Kevin Alexander saw fellow Cape Girardeau dad Ryan Steck yank his stepdaughter out of his hand. He didn't appreciate that too much, so he said so.

After a few nasty words were exchanged -- and the children surrounding the two dads likely wondering if they should join in a chorus of "Ooooohhhhhh!" -- Steck allegedly backhanded Alexander and spit on his face, according to the Southeast Missourian.

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Searching for a Job? Better Move to Wentzville

Categories: Missourah

Downtown Wentzville.
Sorry, St. Louis, but if you need a job, you're better off in St. Charles County or a western suburb.

NerdWallet published a list of the best Missouri cities for job hunters this week, and the numbers are clear: Go west, young man. (Or woman.)

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You're Saying It Wrong: 20 Missouri Cities No One Knows How to Pronounce

Categories: Lists, Missourah

Can you pronounce this?
Missouri. Missuruh. Mizurah. Standard pronunciation is hard to come by in the Show-Me State.

But that's nothing compared to cities and towns in Missouri that use faux French, hick or just plain made-up pronunciations.

If you've ever been laughed at by someone for referring to Nevada, Versailles or Spokane, Missouri, using the pronunciations from their homographic sister cities, this list is for you:

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Why Tuffy, Missouri's "Racist Rodeo Clown," Thought About Giving Up, Working at Walmart

Tuffy the Clown says he was never the man behind the President Barack Obama mask.
Thomas "Tuffy" Gessling has survived breaking 127 bones, having his jaw wired shut 52 times and being paralyzed for six hours -- all for the love of being a rodeo clown.

But even the career of this twenty-year rodeo veteran couldn't survive the national uproar after video of a clown wearing a Barack Obama mask at the Missouri State Fair went viral.

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Missouri Seersucker Caucus Is Most Powerful, Bipartisan Force At The Capitol (PHOTOS)

Courtesy of Senator Eric Schmitt.
Seersucker has taken over Jefferson City.
Last month, we reported on Missouri State Senator Ryan McKenna's handwritten proposal to ban seersucker suits for anyone over the age of eight.

His disdain for the fashion trend -- inspired by a growing love of seersucker at the Missouri State Capitol -- has apparently backfired. Big time. The so-called seersucker caucus is stronger than ever. And in an increasingly hostile and divided legislature, this may be one of the most powerful, bipartisan group of lawmakers.

Yesterday, was apparently seersucker-to-end-all-seersucker day. More photo proof below.

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Missouri Legislature Sends Bills to Governor Blocking Federal Gun Control, Sharia Law, U.N.

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for jay nixon portrai.jpg
Governor Jay Nixon.
It's the final countdown of the legislative session and Missouri lawmakers were quite productive last night -- giving final approvals to three controversial GOP-backed bills that liberal critics say are an embarrassment to the state.

According to Republican supporters, these bills honor civil liberties, property rights and constitutional protections.

To some watching the debates unfold -- and to the minority Democrats frustrated with the priorities of the legislative leaders -- it's a different story. One blocks Sharia law, the religious law of Islam. Another bans a 1992 international green pledge of the United Nations. And the third stops federal gun control policies from being enforced in Missouri.

And in some cases, lawmakers may be able to override a veto of Governor Jay Nixon, a Democrat.

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Jim The Wonder Dog (Who Predicted the Future!), Old Drum: Missouri's Official Dogs?

jim the wonder dog 1.jpg
Missouri's magical dog.
Legend has it that Jim the Wonder Dog successfully predicted the sex of unborn babies, correctly chose the winner of seven Kentucky Derbies and the World Series, could comprehend complex human speech -- and so much more. And now, the hard-at-work Missouri legislature is one step closer to making Jim the Wonder Dog...Missouri's official "Wonder Dog."

That's not all.

Jim, who is a part of House Bill 306, is not the only famous Missouri dog one step closer to becoming a part of law here. Old Drum, who was at the center of an 1870 Missouri Supreme Court case and who apparently inspired the "man's best friend" saying, may also become the official State Historical Dog.

"We had a lot of passionate Missouri citizens make cases for the dogs," Rep. Denny Hoskins, sponsor of the bill, tells Daily RFT.

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