​Riverfront Times is still seeking applications for an Editorial Assistant to keep our Editorial Department running smoothly.

Candidates should:
- Be detail-minded.
- Possess excellent communications and writing skills.
- Possess a knack for organizing and following through on complex projects.More >>

You mean this isn't every girl's dream?

​OMG, did you hear The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1 is out today and that Edward and Bella totally have the most romantic wedding ever and then they, like, totally do it and break the headboard and then Bella gets knocked up with a vampire baby? OMG! OMG! OMG!!!

Fortunately, it appears, at least according to the findings of a group of Mizzou researchers, that young Twilight fans are able to separate their girlish fantasies of falling madly in love with a wealthy, handsome 100-year-old vampire and then marrying him straight out of high school and having his vampire babies from their own real-life ambitions of going to college and having careers and not having to wait to get married before they have sex. Yes, young female readers are that intelligent!

Now can we get back to parsing the movie's fucked-up gender politics? Thanks.

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​But wait -- after dental work, don't you want to remain numb? Actually, after we got our wisdom teeth out, we would have preferred to remain unconscious. But numb was okay, too. It beat the protracted pain in our gums, which felt like a little goblin was back there hacking away with a little pickax.

Well, hey, different strokes for different folks.

NEW DENTAL PRODUCT SPEEDS UP NUMBNESS RECOVERY

Soft Touch Dental Uses OraVerse to Reverse the Effect of Numbness

(ST. LOUIS/ Nov. 9, 2011) Some people dread leaving the dentist numb from anesthetics. The drooling and the limited ability to eat, drink and speak can often be side effects of lingering numbness. Luckily, there is a new product that dentists are discovering that helps quicken the recovery of sensation in those frozen lips and tongues.

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She's getting wood! You can get wood! Get wood! These are all puns!

​If you city residents wish to build a lusty fire at your house, you're going to need some wood.

Big, hard, thick wood.

Today is the first day that the Forestry Division will basically be plopping down its wood onto the lower parking lot of the Muny (which is located in Forest Park, our city's traditional venue for wood-grabbing).

The wood, available most weekdays, is free to city residents.

As is so often the case, the wood will vary in size and species.

​The wait is almost over. On Saturday, filmmaker Stephen Bannon brings his Sarah Palin documentary The Undefeated to St. Louis as part of the Smart Girl Summit.

Based on the name of that conference, you'd think it would be hard for Bannon to find a more discriminating local audience to screen his film that's been universally panned as propaganda drivel. As Robert Levin, of The Atlantic, writes of the The Undefeated: "This Sarah Palin hosanna is done in by the simple fact that its director needs to go back to film school."

But then again, the Smart Girl Summit isn't exactly a Mensa conference. It's a forum for politically conservative women, with smarty pants such as Dana Loesch signed up to speak as panelists.

What's the chances then, that The Undefeated gets rave review from the "smart girls?" We're betting that the odds are good. Of course, that's the beauty of art and film. Just like history -- including Paul Revere's famous ride -- it's open to interpretation.

Below is the news release for this weekend's Smart Girl Summit. It's Daily RFT's special "Irony Edition" of Press Release of the Day.
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Who could hate these adorable little guys?

​For the fifth year in a row the Kirkwood-based pest-control company Sweeney's is sponsoring it's "I Hate Moles Because" contest asking people to share their horror stories with the subterranean varmints. The person with the best story, wins a $500 gift certificate. Runners up get the company's very own mole repellents.

For some interesting reading, check out the finalists from last year's competition. We particularly appreciate the homeowner ("Mole Miseries") who stuffed the mole holes in her yard with dog poop. Ewww.

Enter this year's contest on Sweeney's Facebook page. Or continue on to read the announcement about this year's competition. It's Daily RFT's "Press Release of the Day." 
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Shake and Bake is a popular method for cooking drugs in Missouri's Meth Capital of Jefferson County. Shake and Bake is also the greatest stock-car race strategy ever invented.

​The press release below might raise eyebrow if it were coming out of the Ladue or Frontenac police departments. But the Jefferson County Sheriff's Department?

Ehh, not so much.

Today the JeffCo Sheriff Oliver "Glenn" Boyer announced that his department has transformed two retired police cruisers (above) into stock cars it plans to race in this year's "Battle of the Badges." The "battle" began last summer with nearly two-dozen Missouri law agencies racing modified police cruisers around a dirt track for charity.

Last year's initial race was so successful more dates were added. Now the JeffCo sheriff's department has added a second car to its racing team and will participate in at least three competitions this year, including a September 10 event at the I-55 Speedway in nearby Pevely.

More information can be found in the media statement below. It's Daily RFT's "Press Release of the Day."
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bodyworlds.com

What Pujols would look like if he had, ahem, no skin in the game.

​So, let's see if we have our timing right here.

At noon yesterday, word first leaked out that x-rays had revealed Albert Pujols had broken a bone in his forearm and would miss four to six weeks of play.

For Cardinals fans the news was anything but good. But for at least one savvy marketer, the injury was a great selling point.

Just a few hours after Pujols injury made news -- 5:30 p.m. -- Daily RFT received the following email from the Mary Hediger, communications director for BODY WORLDS & The Brain, the human cadaver exhibit now on display at the Science Center.

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Meet your new neighbor!

​Are you one of the unlucky souls who lost their home in the recent flooding?

The State of Missouri is really sorry about that. In fact, they'd like to do something for you. They'd like to give you a temporary new home! A place that real-estate agents might generously describe as "airy" with "tons of natural light" and the ultimate in "green living."

That's right. Missouri wants to give you a free campsite! In a Missouri state park. For 30 days. Void where prohibited and valid only for Missouri residents whose primary abodes are currently marooned in muck.

Check out the official invite below from the Department of Natural Resources. It's Daily RFT's "Press Release of the Day."
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Behold your nose. The UMSL corpse flower!

​We know how it is. You love your mother, but deep down you harbor a true resentment for her special day. For you, Mother's Day is the worst kind of made-up holiday, requiring you to either present Mom with something mawkishly sentimental or face the consequences -- namely, a year's worth of the soul-eating guilt that only the woman who birthed you can dish out.

Which is why you might take perverse pleasure in the press release today inviting the public to a special Mother's Day weekend viewing of the corpse flower at University of Missouri-St. Louis.

As its name suggests, the corpse flower is no rose. In fact, it isn't a flower at all. It's the world's largest inflorescence -- a plant from Indonesia that stands up to four feet tall, releases a pungent odor similar to rotting meat and has a phallic-like shaft where its petals would be.

In other words, the corpse flower sounds a like lot Dad! And like the carrion beetles that pollinate the corpse flower, how could mom possibly resist such a gift on Mother's Day?

Full press release follows...

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