Now that 50 Shades of Grey has (apparently) become the only work of erotica produced in the entire world since D.H. Lawrence banged out Lady Chatterley's Lover, it's only fitting that it's become the Lady Chatterley of the twenty-first century.

Well, OK, it and its two sequels made their way into bookstores without the benefit of an obscenity trial, and they've sold a combined 10 million copies in six weeks, but libraries across the country (specifically Fond du Lac, Wisconsin; Gwinnet County, Georgia and Brevard County, Florida) have banned the books from their shelves, not because of lack of literary merit, but because they're just too damned dirty. Goodness gracious! Do they know what other kinds of filth are lurking on those shelves?

Here in St. Louis, the libraries are full of copies of 50 Shades of Grey. The St. Louis County Library has 249, but the waiting list to get at them is 1350 names long. The list is shorter at the Municipal Library Consortium, a mere 253, and the St. Louis Public Library allegedly has three copies available for checkout.

But that doesn't really address the principle behind book banning, that the books will give people ideas and then they will act on them!

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The main virtual hall

​ Most conventions are pants-mandatory kinds of affairs -- even those of the adult nature. For the world's first virtual porn convention, however, I'm not wearing any (relax...I'm in my PJs).

This past weekend, XBiz and Red Light Center hosted the Adult Entertainment Virtual Convention, porn's first online-exclusive gathering in a 3-D web environment called "Utherverse." If that all sounds a bit strange and complicated -- you don't even know the half of it.
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Georgia Scott

Georgia Scott has been a visual journalist for The New York Times, run a bookstore/cafe in Harlem, traveled to 57 countries, published an international study of headwraps and has now produced a book which may have one of the most provocative titles we've seen in some time: Down There: Narratives About the Joy, Aroma & Overall Existence of the Bush. And, no, that's not metaphorical.

This weekend, the St. Ann native will return home to give a trio of readings at MoKaBe's Coffeehouse (Saturday, February 4, 7 p.m.), Rue Lafayette Café (Sunday, February 5, 2 p.m.) and Subterranean Books (Thursday, February 9, 7 p.m.) to get St. Louisans in the mood for V-Day. A few weeks ago, she talked to Daily RFT by phone from New York about books and bushes.

Daily RFT: What inspired you to put this book together?

Georgia Scott: I was at a Thanksgiving dinner party with friends from a lot of different cultures and the subject of sex came up in a way it never would have if we were all back home with our friends. People really opened up. At the time, I owned a coffeehouse and bookstore [Globetrippin International Coffeehouse and Bookstore]. It was a really intimate place. I started asking people, what do you do down there? What's your bush like? It took off. There were so many things I didn't know.

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Ho-ho-ho: Kendra Holliday models her outfit for tonight's Fleshtivus.

​Okay, okay. So not all the 40 people expected to attend tonight's "Fleshtivus" party are nudist, per se. Some are exhibitionists. Others label themselves as "sex-positive" -- believing that their sexuality (and exposed genitalia) is nothing to be ashamed of. A handful may not get naked at all. They'll just take in the scenery.

"It's a clothing optional party," explains organizer Kendra Holliday. "It's whatever you feel like. Some people may just be topless. Some might wear an open robe. Of course, I'll be naked the whole time -- you've got to lead by example."
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The lady on this book jacket isn't actually Mary Boleyn because no portraits of her survive.

If you've read The Other Boleyn Girl (or seen the movie), you probably think you know all about Mary Boleyn, Anne's beautiful, slutty and not-quite-as-bright sister. But the British historian Alison Weir knows way more than you do: She's been acquainted with Mary for nearly 40 years, thanks to an abiding interest in Henry VIII and his wives which has produced more than a dozen books, both fiction and nonfiction. A few years ago, she decided that, in order to clear up the many misconceptions about Mary Boleyn's life and lovers, Mary deserved a full-length biography of her own (previously none existed). Mary Boleyn: The Mistress of Kings is out this month, and Weir was scheduled to read at the St. Louis County Library Headquarters tonight. Unfortunately, Puddn'head Books, which was sponsoring the reading, reports that Weir has had to cancel her tour due to illness. However! Last week Daily RFT rang up Weir at her home in England and asked some questions for you. You're welcome! (If you're reading this, we assume you can also read the book for yourself.)

Daily RFT: How hard was it to write a biography of someone about whom virtually nothing is known?

Alison Weir: There's actually quite a lot known about her, but it's the wrong thing. The view of her in The Other Boleyn Girl and [the TV series] The Tudors is a romanticized view. I was struck by how different her life was. She has a notorious reputation now for being the king's mistress, but during her lifetime, she had no reputation at all. We only know of her affairs through later sources. There's endless speculation that the children of her first marriage were fathered by Henry VIII. I've found strong evidence that only her daughter was fathered by Henry. You gather fragments of information. You don't get close to the subject. You infer.

It seems like you felt sorry for her.

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Ex-con and "recovering politician" Jeff Smith tells all!

Of course you wanted to know about it. That's the first thing just about any adult thinks of when they hear about a man going to prison. Even before the image of the bright orange jumpsuit comes to mind.

A few weeks ago, disgraced former Missouri politician Jeff Smith, now a professor at The New School in New York City, found himself at a party, "teeming," he writes on the blog The Recovering Politician, "with Brooklyn hipster-intellectual types -- young college profs, Times reporters, social entrepreneurs, assorted do-gooders." As soon as the party's host announced to the hipsters where Smith had spent 2010, he writes, they surrounded him and bombarded him with questions.

Was it white-collar? (Maybe 5 percent.) Was it violent? (Occasionally.) Did you get in fights? (A couple.) Did you get hurt? (Yes.) What were the people like? (More interesting and less pretentious than you.)

They reached for the gin, hoping the liquid courage would help them ask the question they were dying to ask. But it didn't. Instead, one stammered, "Did you get..., uh...was there a lot of sex?"

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That's Masters, in the bow tie. Would you have sex with this man in order to advance human understanding?

It's really amazing nobody has thought of this before.

Back in 1955, William Masters, a member of the OB/GYN faculty at Washington University, decided to undertake a definitive study of female sexuality. With the blessing of the St. Louis chief of police and the archbishop, he began spending his evenings hunkered down in brothels spying on prostitutes and their johns, collecting data on the length of each encounter and "the points of entry and departure." The whole operation was rendered scientific because Masters insisted upon wearing a lab coat and a bow tie.

Two years into the project, a secretary in Masters' OB/GYN clinic named Virginia Johnson pointed out a couple of obvious facts: that the sexual habits of prostitutes were hardly typical and that Masters did not know shit about women. Masters humbly agreed and made her a proposition: that she should become his research partner, and that the research would involve them having lots and lots of sex together.

Johnson claimed to have no sexual interest in Masters whatsoever, but she accepted his proposition, in the name of science.

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​Today is National HIV Testing Day. Do you know your status? Are you sure?

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there are more than a million people in the U.S. living with HIV. And even though we aren't being bombarded with prevention messages like we were when the disease was new, it's still a growing and insidious problem. Each year, 56,300 Americans become newly infected. One in five people with the disease don't even know they have it.

Back in May, James Walker Moon of the St. Louis Effort for AIDS told Daily RFT that his group had diagnosed 17 new cases of HIV in 2010 -- by May of 2011, they saw 19. And those numbers don't include other places in the city people are getting diagnosed. The disease is still here.

So if you don't know your status, head to any area Planned Parenthood location today -- they're offering free HIV testing today. Call (800) 320-PLAN to find the center closest to you. Can't make it today? Get in touch with Effort for AIDS. They do free testing every day, too, by appointment on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday -- you can just walk in on Mondays and Wednesdays.

​It can't be said enough: Sexually active people must know whether they have HIV or other sexually-transmitted infections. It's the first and most crucial step in preventing the spread of these infections and in seeking treatment when it's needed.

"Forty-five percent of new cases [of HIV] are from people who don't know their status," says James Walker Moon, WMSM program coordinator for St. Louis Effort for AIDS. "One in three people [with HIV] don't know their status."

St. Louis Effort For AIDS is the city's oldest organization providing support to people with HIV and AIDS. Since 1985, they've offered testing and other supports. And, in a novel effort to reach out to the community, they've started offering mobile after-hours testing, too. It's called EFA After Dark.
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photo by Melissa Meinzer

Cages at The Facility

If you were to visit one of the newest businesses licensed to operate in St. Louis, you wouldn't see people having sex. Not that.

But you might see a person getting florentined: They'd be cuffed standing, facing a wall, with a person behind them wielding a pair of multi-stranded leather implements called floggers hitting them -- hard, yes -- in a pattern of interlocking ellipses. It's possible you'd see a woman bound to a pillar in the middle of the room with Saran wrap, her every curve hugged close by the cling. You might see people taking turns shocking each other with an ultraviolet wand. And you might leave with bruises on your ass that take weeks to heal -- but not if you don't ask for them.

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