​I don't know how I managed to miss this story when it first popped up, but former Cardinal hurler Brad Penny agreed to a deal with the Fukuoka Softbank Hawks of the NPB (Japan's major league), for the 2012 season. More >>

Somewhere out there Harry Caray is tipping his cups in appreciation.

​Good news, sports fans. The glory days of baseball broadcasting -- when a commentator could be forgiven for a bit of misbehavin' -- are alive and well.

Why's that? Because this week Fox Sports Midwest announced it will retain Cardinals play-by-play broadcaster Dan McLaughlin for the 2012 season. Last fall, Daily RFT opined that McLaughlin's career in St. Louis was finito after he was charged for his second DWI in just over a year's time.

We felt even more confident about that prediction when the embarrassing details of McLaughlin's arrests came out a few weeks later. When pulled over in August 2010 for the first DUI, McLaughlin was allegedly so shitfaced he'd wet his pants. When he crashed his car in the second DWI in September 2011, McLaughlin was apparently too drunk to unlock the car door and lied to the officer that he lived just a few blocks away and could safely drive home if she let him go.

To paraphrase Mark Twain, our speculation of the death of Dan McLaughlin's career was greatly exaggerated. 
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(c) Topps Inc 2012

Rally Squirrel, with Skip Schumaker (left)

​The previously mocked Skip Schumaker Rally Squirrel baseball card from Topps is successfully being sold for $255 on eBay. The actual Skip Schumaker card from the same series is going for $1, with a $2 charge for shipping and handling. Also, it seems you can return the real Skip card if you don't like it, but most Rally Squirrel card sellers seem to have a strict "no takebacks" policy.

And as for Mr. Pujols' new-look Angels card, you can pick that up for $127.50 if you act quickly. Point, Rally Squirrel.

Not pictured: any of the stuff that was supposed to be pictured.

​Way back when in the magical days of the early 2000s, when Busch Stadium III was still just a twinkle in the eye of Bill DeWitt, the Cardinals proposed a new development next to the proposed stadium. It was to be called Ballpark Village, and it was going to be glorious. More >>

(c) Topps Inc.

​Topps is just screwing with Cardinals fans now. According to Rick Chandler at Off The Bench, Skip Schumaker's baseball card in the forthcoming Topps' Series 1 features Schumaker's right ankle only, with most of the card given over to the Rally Squirrel.

A spokesman for Topps said the company thought it would be a "fun way to pay tribute to the Cardinals World Series run." Further investigation reveals that this is a variant card, which means that there's a legitimate Schumaker card in the series also -- but people would rather talk about the squirrel than Schumaker. Somewhere, Aaron Schafer nods approvingly.
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Oswalt wearing the uniform of his last team, the Phillies. I always thought those two were just a terrible fit for each other.

​I've been very skeptical of the Cardinals and Roy Oswalt as a match for quite some time now. It's not that I don't think Oswalt would be a really nice add for the Redbirds, or that I doubt the sincerity of his interest in coming here. After all, Oswalt has always spoken well of St. Louis, in much the same way Lance Berkman did during his tenure with the Astros, and we all saw how that worked out. And I would love it just as much as anyone to see that 2004 Astros Greatest Hits compilation finally come out. Berkman and Carlos Beltran are already on board; Roy is really the last piece of the puzzle. More >>

(c) 2012 Topps Co

​CNBS sports reporter Darren Rovell posted this dagger in the hearts of Cardinal fans. Close examination of the bottom right corner of the base reveals a Kansas City Royals logo, which means this photo was most likely taken during either the May 21 or May 22 game at Kauffman Stadium, so everything about this card is a fraud.

The card is part of the Topps series that will be available next Wednesday. Consider yourself warned if you're a card collector.

Presumably, Albert's gigantic sack of money will get its own card in the next series.

​John Sickels, proprietor of the really excellent Minor League Ball, has compiled a ranking of all the farm systems in major league baseball. It's the first time he's done so, and he's quick to distance himself from anyone reading too much into the strict order of things. More >>

Walt Jocketty, seen here in this file photo, has done yeoman's work this offseason improving his club.

​Cincinnati is really serious about winning the NL Central in 2012. I'm not sure if they'll do it or not, but you have to give them credit: they're going after it hard. More >>

​The story came out late last week, but I hadn't gotten around to writing about it just yet. Starlin Castro, shortstop for the Chicago Cubs, is currently facing an investigation into an allegation of sexual assault. More >>