Happy Birthday, Martha! Have Some Useless Kitchen Tools

Categories: WTF?
Today is Martha Stewart's birthday. What do you get the kitchen and style maven who already has everything, including a felony conviction? Gut Check dispatched its crack research staff -- not to be confused with our crack-research staff* -- to find the ten most useless kitchen tools in this or any other universe. Enjoy your gift basket, Martha!

Peter Duhon, Wikimedia Commons
*Yes, I realize I'm the only person in the world who finds hyphenation-based humor funny.

Heart-Shaped Egg Poacher ($9)

OK: The idea behind this seems harmless enough. It's your significant other's birthday, and you want to make him/her breakfast in bed. What could be cuter than poached eggs in the shape of hearts? But there doesn't seem to be a lot of replay value. The reaction will likely devolve from "Awwww" to "Oh, those heart-shaped eggs again!" to "Oh, those heart-shaped eggs. Again." to "I don't want any fucking eggs. You shouldn't have ogled the babysitter like that." I might reconsider if this was the part of a set with other molds.

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